What are the crucial rules every teenage boy should follow. How can young men build character and responsibility. Why is education important for teenage boys. What role does physical and mental health play in a young man’s development. How can sports benefit teenage boys long-term.
The Importance of Responsibility in Masculinity
The transition from boyhood to manhood is a complex journey filled with physical and mental changes. One of the most crucial aspects of this transition is the development of responsibility. But what exactly does it mean for a teenage boy to be responsible?
Responsibility in masculinity refers to the willingness and ability to accept accountability for one’s actions and their consequences. It’s about making informed decisions and understanding that every choice has an impact, not just on oneself but often on others as well.
- Thinking before acting
- Considering the consequences of decisions
- Accepting accountability for mistakes
- Following through on commitments
Developing a sense of responsibility is not an overnight process. It requires consistent effort and a mindset shift. As a teenage boy, it’s essential to recognize that being responsible is not about being perfect, but about learning from experiences and continuously striving to make better choices.
Building and Protecting Your Character
Character is often described as who you are when no one is watching. For teenage boys, building and protecting their character should be a top priority. But why is character so important, and how can it be developed?
Character is the foundation of trust and reputation. It’s an invisible asset that can open doors and create opportunities throughout life. Building a strong character involves:
- Honesty in all interactions
- Integrity in actions
- Keeping promises
- Treating others with respect
- Standing up for what’s right, even when it’s difficult
Protecting your character means being consistent in your values and actions. It’s about making choices that align with your principles, even when faced with temptation or peer pressure. Remember, character is built slowly over time but can be damaged quickly through a single thoughtless action.
Maximizing Educational Opportunities
Education plays a pivotal role in shaping a young man’s future. High school years are particularly crucial as they set the foundation for higher education and career prospects. How can teenage boys make the most of their educational opportunities?
- Develop effective study habits
- Prioritize homework and assignments
- Seek help when needed
- Participate actively in class discussions
- Explore extracurricular activities that align with academic interests
Excelling in high school not only opens doors to prestigious colleges but also instills discipline and a strong work ethic. These skills are invaluable in all aspects of life, from higher education to future careers.
The Power of Time Management
Effective time management is a skill that can significantly impact academic success. By prioritizing tasks and using study time efficiently, teenage boys can achieve better grades while still having time for other activities. Some practical time management tips include:
- Creating a study schedule
- Using breaks between classes for revision
- Setting specific goals for each study session
- Eliminating distractions during study time
The Mind-Body Connection: Nurturing Both Aspects
The relationship between mental and physical health is profound, especially during the teenage years. How does this connection impact a young man’s overall well-being and development?
The mind and body are intrinsically linked. A healthy body supports cognitive function, emotional stability, and overall mental well-being. Conversely, a positive mindset can contribute to better physical health. For teenage boys, nurturing both aspects involves:
- Regular physical exercise
- Balanced nutrition
- Adequate sleep
- Stress management techniques
- Engaging in mentally stimulating activities
By acknowledging and respecting this connection, young men can lay the foundation for lifelong health and wellness. It’s about creating habits that support both physical fitness and mental acuity.
The Lifelong Benefits of Individual Sports
While team sports offer valuable experiences, individual sports can provide unique benefits that extend well into adulthood. Why should teenage boys consider focusing on an individual sport?
Individual sports such as golf, tennis, swimming, or running offer several advantages:
- Lifelong participation: These sports can be enjoyed throughout one’s life, promoting long-term fitness and health.
- Self-reliance: Success depends solely on individual effort and skill, fostering a strong sense of personal responsibility.
- Flexible practice: Individual sports allow for practice at any time, without the need for team coordination.
- Clear progression: Improvements in performance are easily measurable, providing tangible evidence of hard work and dedication.
Engaging in an individual sport doesn’t mean abandoning team sports entirely. Many young men benefit from participating in both, gaining a well-rounded athletic experience.
Choosing the Right Individual Sport
Selecting an individual sport that aligns with personal interests and physical attributes is crucial. Factors to consider include:
- Physical strengths and natural abilities
- Personal interests and enjoyment
- Available facilities and resources
- Long-term health benefits
Mastering Skills: Understanding the 10,000 Hour Rule
The concept of the 10,000 Hour Rule, popularized by Malcolm Gladwell, suggests that mastery in any field requires approximately 10,000 hours of dedicated practice. How can teenage boys apply this principle to their personal development?
While the exact number of hours may vary, the underlying principle remains valid: significant time and effort are required to achieve expertise in any skill or field. For teenage boys, this concept can be applied to various areas:
- Academic subjects
- Musical instruments
- Sports
- Creative pursuits
- Technical skills
Understanding the 10,000 Hour Rule can help young men set realistic expectations for skill development and encourage perseverance in their chosen pursuits. It emphasizes the importance of consistent, focused practice over raw talent.
Practical Application of the 10,000 Hour Rule
Applying the 10,000 Hour Rule doesn’t mean neglecting other aspects of life. Instead, it’s about prioritizing and dedicating consistent time to key areas of interest. Some strategies include:
- Setting specific practice goals
- Creating a structured practice schedule
- Seeking expert guidance or mentorship
- Tracking progress to stay motivated
Navigating Peer Relationships and Social Pressures
The teenage years are often marked by complex social dynamics and peer pressure. How can young men navigate these challenges while staying true to their values?
Peer relationships play a significant role in a teenager’s life, influencing behavior, attitudes, and choices. While positive friendships can provide support and encouragement, negative peer pressure can lead to poor decisions. Strategies for managing social pressures include:
- Developing a strong sense of self
- Learning to communicate assertively
- Choosing friends who share similar values
- Recognizing and avoiding toxic relationships
- Seeking guidance from trusted adults when needed
It’s important for teenage boys to understand that true friends will respect their decisions and values. Learning to navigate social situations while maintaining personal integrity is a crucial life skill.
The Role of Digital Interactions
In today’s digital age, social interactions extend beyond face-to-face encounters. Social media and online platforms present unique challenges and opportunities. Young men should be mindful of:
- Digital footprint and its long-term implications
- Online safety and privacy
- The impact of social media on mental health
- Balancing online and offline relationships
Financial Literacy: Building a Foundation for Future Success
Understanding personal finance is a critical life skill often overlooked in traditional education. Why is financial literacy important for teenage boys, and how can they develop this skill?
Financial literacy empowers young men to make informed decisions about money, setting the stage for future financial stability and success. Key aspects of financial literacy include:
- Budgeting and saving
- Understanding credit and debt
- Basic investing principles
- The importance of insurance
- Planning for long-term financial goals
Developing financial literacy early can help teenage boys avoid common financial pitfalls and build a strong foundation for their future. It’s about learning to manage money responsibly and make informed financial decisions.
Practical Steps to Improve Financial Literacy
Teenage boys can take several steps to enhance their financial knowledge and skills:
- Open a savings account and set savings goals
- Learn to create and stick to a budget
- Research and understand different types of investments
- Discuss financial topics with parents or trusted adults
- Explore reputable online resources for financial education
By taking an active interest in personal finance from an early age, young men can set themselves up for long-term financial success and independence.
Developing Emotional Intelligence and Communication Skills
Emotional intelligence and effective communication are invaluable skills that can significantly impact personal and professional relationships. How can teenage boys cultivate these skills?
Emotional intelligence involves recognizing, understanding, and managing one’s own emotions, as well as empathizing with others. For teenage boys, developing emotional intelligence can lead to:
- Better self-awareness and self-regulation
- Improved relationships with family and peers
- Enhanced leadership abilities
- Greater resilience in facing challenges
- Increased empathy and social skills
Effective communication goes hand in hand with emotional intelligence. It involves not just speaking clearly, but also active listening and understanding non-verbal cues. Developing these skills can help young men express themselves better and navigate complex social situations more effectively.
Practical Exercises for Emotional Intelligence and Communication
To improve emotional intelligence and communication skills, teenage boys can practice:
- Journaling to increase self-awareness
- Mindfulness techniques to manage emotions
- Role-playing different social scenarios
- Actively listening in conversations without interrupting
- Seeking feedback on their communication style from trusted individuals
These skills take time to develop but can significantly enhance personal and professional relationships throughout life.
Cultivating a Growth Mindset and Resilience
A growth mindset and resilience are crucial traits for overcoming challenges and achieving long-term success. How can teenage boys develop these qualities?
A growth mindset is the belief that abilities and intelligence can be developed through effort, learning, and persistence. This contrasts with a fixed mindset, which assumes talents are innate and unchangeable. Cultivating a growth mindset involves:
- Embracing challenges as opportunities for growth
- Viewing effort as a path to mastery
- Learning from criticism and setbacks
- Finding inspiration in the success of others
- Persisting in the face of setbacks
Resilience, closely tied to a growth mindset, is the ability to bounce back from adversity. It’s about adapting to difficult circumstances and emerging stronger. For teenage boys, building resilience can involve:
- Developing problem-solving skills
- Building a support network of friends and mentors
- Practicing self-care and stress management
- Setting realistic goals and working towards them
- Reflecting on past experiences and learning from them
By cultivating a growth mindset and resilience, young men can better navigate the challenges of adolescence and prepare for the complexities of adult life.
The Role of Failure in Personal Growth
Understanding and embracing failure as a part of the learning process is crucial for developing a growth mindset and resilience. Teenage boys should be encouraged to:
- View failures as learning opportunities
- Analyze setbacks to identify areas for improvement
- Celebrate effort and progress, not just outcomes
- Share experiences of overcoming challenges with peers
By reframing failure as a stepping stone to success, young men can build the confidence and perseverance needed to achieve their goals.
Rules every teenage boy should obey
Leaving childhood behind and entering manhood is not an easy transition for an adolescent male. Both your body and your thoughts are in a state of flux and confusion — a state that will not fully resolve until you are well into your twenties. As you leave adolescence and begin to enter manhood there are a few rules you would be wise to observe. Failing to heed any of the following rules can lead to mistakes that at best, will retard your advancement and at worst, will destroy your potential for future peace and success. Please remember you are not special in the sense that you are “above the rules.” As stated in the movie North Dallas Forty, “Seeing through the game is not the same as winning the game.” Knowing is not doing. To be successful, you must have the wisdom to understand and the discipline to execute.
1 – Men Are Responsible
The major differentiator between a man and a boy is that a man accepts responsibility for his actions. Know that you are the sum of your deeds — take responsibility for them. Consider carefully the choices you make. Before you act, consider the consequences; know that men are held accountable.
2 – Guard Your Character
My great aunt often told me that my character was my most valuable asset and it must be guarded at all cost. She was right. Your character is an invisible bank account on file with everyone you know. This bank account, however, is filled with trust, instead of money. Ultimately, you will learn, trust is infinitely more valuable than money. How do you build your character? Never lie, cheat, or steal is a good way to start. Also, do what you say you will do and be mindful not to make any promise you can’t keep. Beware, good character is not like a coat you can put on and take off. Character is built slowly over time. It is ingrained in your very core and will be reflected in everything you do and say. Guard your character. It can be destroyed in seconds through one inconsiderate action. Other people of good character are adept at spotting cues in your language and your actions indicating the quality of your character. They can’t be fooled, so don’t try. Simply be a gentleman of good character at all times and it will invisibly work for you every minute of every day.
3 – Make School Count
You are entering your high school years. You have no choice but to be there, so make it count. With regard to studying, these years set the tone and tempo for your college and graduate years. High school, is relatively easy. There is no reason not to get an “A” in every class. Focus on developing good study habits. Use every “scrap” of time during school hours to get homework done and always finish homework before engaging in leisure activities such as TV watching or game playing. Finishing at the top of your class will ensure you have the option to attend a “brand name” College if you wish.
4 – Respect the Relationship Between Mind and Body
Psyche and Soma – Mind and Body, are two sides of the same coin. You cannot be the best you can be if either is ignored. What the mind harbors, the body will manifest. Likewise, a strong and tireless body leads to a stronger, more confident mind. Place equal importance on the development of each. Respect your body as the temple of your spirit. Pay attention to the things that nourish it and avoid the substances that degrade or destroy it.
5 – Engage in an Individual Sport for Life
When I was young, I made the mistake of dividing my attention between four sports: Baseball, Football, Basketball, and Tennis. This was a big mistake. A young man is much better served by focusing on one sport “year round.” By focusing and practicing one sport year round, you dramatically improve your chances to compete at the highest level. Also, while the big stadium team sports (football, basketball, soccer, etc.) present your best chance for “fame” in high school, individual sports such as golf, swimming, running, or tennis will serve you better in three respects. First, because these are “sports for life,” you can participate in them your whole life long. This will be important as you age and require a physical activity to keep your body robust. Second, individual sports eliminate any possibility of “favoritism” or “nepotism” blocking your ascension to the highest level possible. And Third, with few exceptions, individual sports do not require anyone else to practice. This flexibility allows you to practice as much as you want.
6 – Understand the 10,000 Hour Rule
The book “Outliers” by Malcolm Gladwell repeatedly refers to 10,000 hours as the minimum amount of time needed to achieve proficiency at the highest level in any activity. Want to be a concert pianist? Practice 10,000 hours — it’s that simple. Practice three hours a day for ten years, and you have a chance to make it to center court. Start now and by the time you’re in your mid-twenties, you could be a “pro” at anything you wish.
7 – Perfect Practice Makes Perfect
Sadly, it’s not enough to simply “put in your time” with regard to the 10,000-hour rule. You must strive to practice “perfectly.” This means you must constantly be looking for new and better ways to improve your skills. Look to those who have already achieved success at the highest level for advice. Read books, watch documentaries, search the internet for answers, and always network. Strive to make your practice perfect.
8 – Read and Write
Everyone knows that reading is important. The knowledge of the ages is in print and at your fingertips via your keyboard and the internet. But few appreciate the importance of writing. In your quest for completeness, writing is equal to reading in importance. Writing forces you to organize your thoughts and truly understand yourself and your arguments. On another level, writing is the supreme instrument of communication. You can be the smartest person in the world, but if you cannot communicate your thoughts, you’ll die in obscurity. Don’t fear writing. Like everything in life, it gets easier with practice. The first sentence is always the hardest. Heed the advice of Ernest Hemingway: “Begin by writing the truest sentence you know”. Don’t be afraid to expose your thoughts. It is only through the exchange of ideas, the defense of your ideas, and debating of opposing viewpoints, that knowledge is gained. Read and write every day.
9 – Work for Love, Not Money
The surest path to hell is to work for money. Most people work all their lives at a job they don’t like to get to a point financially when the can retire and do what they want. I suggest you follow your passion, do what you love every day. Forget about the foolish myth that doing nothing will bring you happiness. Even wealthy, retired people get bored and must do something to fill the hours. Fill your hours with whatever productive activity interests you. If you love to golf, work at a golf course picking up range balls, then play for free. If you like to travel, fill a backpack and hitchhike around the country or work on a freighter to pay for your passage to Asia. It’s amazing how little it takes to get by when you don’t care about anything except what you love. Opportunities to earn money doing what you love will present themselves and you’ll be in a better position seize them if your in that place.
10 – Keep Your Load Light
The corollary to rule #6 is to keep your load light. In order to be free to do what you love, you must keep your possessions to a bare minimum. “Stuff” is a free man’s enemy. The more “things” you accumulate, the more time, effort, and money you must spend maintaining them. Most people are imprisoned by their possessions. Until age thirty, you should have no more stuff than you can fit in a small hatchback car or minivan. If you must have furniture, buy old used stuff you can walk away from in a pinch. Drive a car you can abandon if necessary. Own no more clothes than you can fit in a suitcase or backpack. Owning little frees you to seize opportunities wherever they may be. The only necessities in these times are a good laptop and a smartphone. When your editor offers you an opportunity to cover the African wildebeest migration, you can grab your backpack and go. Think like Luke Skywalker, only carry a lightsaber.
11 – Stay Liquid
Never use credit or borrow money unless it’s to buy an asset that returns more than it costs. In short, never borrow money to buy personal assets such as TVs, appliances, furniture, or any other “thing” that doesn’t return a profit. Think twice about financing a car. It’s much better to buy a “junker” for cash. Any debt you accumulate will work as an anchor on your personal freedom. Accumulating debt increases the “weight” of your load and encumbers movement both physically and professionally. Live at home as long as possible to avoid unnecessary expenses. Conversely, your savings equates to liquid freedom. The more you save, the more freedom you’ll enjoy. Savings enable you to seize opportunities. Avoid debt like a disease and save as much as possible.
12 – Build Your Career, Then Build Your Family
As you follow your passion, you will inevitably discover opportunities to earn a living doing what you love. Fully develop your career before you attempt to build a family. Let me be more straight forward — do not get married or cohabitate with a partner before your thirtieth birthday, or before your career is fully established. Women are beautiful creatures and someday you’ll invite a princess to join you in your kingdom, but until your “kingdom” is established, don’t think about it. You must be at least thirty years old before getting serious with a partner. Neither you nor your partner knows who or what you are until at least age thirty. You will change, she will change, your values will change, her values will change, and you must be free to travel unencumbered. Don’t buy into the myth that love conquers all. It doesn’t. It usually doesn’t even last. What you will mistake for “love” in your teens and twenties is only sexual lust. Do what you must do to pass the time, but do not get involved, do not get married, and by no means, do not have children before your thirtieth birthday and then only if your career is established. Remember the old joke, love is grand, divorce is about a hundred grand.
13 – Attract Women With Wealth and Power
Regardless of what you’ve heard in movies and storybooks, ultimately women are attracted to men that can provide them safety and security. At face value, this sounds a mercenary, but it’s a good thing and it is relative. It’s relative in the sense that you’ll always be “richer” than someone. It’s a good thing in the sense that if she’s looking to you for security, she needs you. This is another reason for rule #9. Once you know where your career is headed, you have a fairly realistic idea regarding your income expectations. You can then better select a mate that will be happy and satisfied with your station in life. For instance, if your passion is archeology, by age thirty, you’ll have a fairly good idea what lifestyle your future partner can expect. Then, select accordingly. Beware of marrying above your station in life, women can do it, men can’t. The odds dictate that any woman marrying below her station is only trying to shock her parents. Don’t be part of that misadventure. She will tire of your lack of means and leave you for a wealthier model. Worse, she may constantly badger you to improve (change) your position or accept “help” from family and friends. It will always end badly. Conversely, marrying at or below your station in life offers a much better probability that your future mate will be satisfied. Also, beware of ambitious women that would use you as a “stepping stone” and move on. Avoid women that aspire to build careers. Look for a mate that’s sweet, nurturing, and fully appreciates your station and career.
14 – Raise Your Children
The decision to have children is going to be the most important decision you’ll ever make. Raising children is an incredible responsibility, an enormous amount of work, and a huge financial obligation. Be careful not enter into this obligation “flippantly” or “accidentally.” You may ruin or retard many lives, including yours. Raising a child can either be the greatest joy, or the greatest burden you’ll ever realize. Take care to ensure it’s the former and not the latter. Should you decide you want children, first, make sure your career and marriage are solid. Assess your financial situation to ensure you can reasonably afford to support a new being in your household. Consider all costs in terms of money and time. Reach an agreement with your wife regarding the raising of the child. Clarify the responsibilities and discuss the values you will eventually impart to your offspring. Avoid daycare at any cost. Choose a wife that relishes the opportunity to raise children. Subcontracting the raising of children to disinterested third parties is a sin and those that engage in the practice bear children for selfish reasons. Bear offspring with the intention of creating individuals more loving and capable than yourself. If you don’t want to spend time with them, don’t have them.
15 – Consider Self Employment
Like playing an individual sport, self-employment ensures no one can hold you back, limit your potential, or determine your destiny, except you. Self-employment engages you in the American Dream – risking capital and engaging your creativity to hopefully reap unlimited rewards. Self-employment means rising each morning and deciding for yourself what is important and how you will invest your time. Self-employment means employing others to leverage your creativity and energy in the service of your vision. Speaking from experience, no job can approach the satisfaction of building a business that provides a valuable product or service that improves the lives of others.
The Lost Arts of Manners, Etiquette & Behavior: Gregg Jackson: 9781532348686: Amazon.com: Books
“Gregg Jackson has captured the simple, yet almost forgotten principle of ‘doing unto others as you would have others do unto you’ in his simple yet profound new book, 40 Rules to Help Boys Become Men. Let’s all hope that it becomes a runaway bestseller–the civility of our society would be better off for it!” Mike Huckabee, Former Governor, Fox News Contributor & New York Times Best-Selling Author
“You can tell a lot about young men by who and what they honor and their manners. Gregg Jackson has given us an outline to share with our sons in helping them to become productive young men and to do life better.” J.C. Watts, Former Professional Football Player & Oklahoma Congressman
“Copies of Gregg Jackson’s 40 Things to Teach Your Children Before You Die can be found attached to my estate papers with specific instructions to my grandchildren upon my death, and have been given to each parent for their immediate guidance. Now, 40 Rules to Help Boys Become Men has been added, for the greatest gift one can leave is one of rich instruction that outlives its sender.” Doug Hagmann, Radio Host and Best-Selling Author
“How we need to see the flame of civility and good manners rekindled in our day. Thanks to Gregg Jackson and his publisher for making this book available to help us all recover the necessity of manly courtesy and decency.”
Dr. Michael A. Milton, President & Senior Fellow, D. James Kennedy Institute of Christianity & Culture
“A lack of manliness is plaguing our culture and if something isn’t done about it our country will cease to exist as it does today. There has never been a time in our nation’s history when we’ve needed a book like this to train boys to become men. Read this book, digest its content, and pass it on. You won’t regret it.” David and Jason Benham, Best-Selling authors of Whatever The Cost and Living Among Lions
Praise for 40 Rules to Help Boys Become Men…
“Gregg Jackson has captured the simple, yet almost forgotten principle of ‘doing unto others as you would have others do unto you’ in his simple yet profound new book, 40 Rules to Help Boys Become Men.
Let’s all hope that it becomes a runaway bestseller—the civility of our society would be better off for it!”
– Mike Huckabee, Former Governor, Fox News Contributor & New York Times Best-Selling Author
“You can tell a lot about young men by who and what they honor and their manners. Gregg Jackson has given us an outline to share with our sons in helping them to become productive young men and to do life better.”
- C. Watts, Former Professional Football Player & Oklahoma Congressman
“Copies of Gregg Jackson’s 40 Things to Teach Your Children Before You Die can be found attached to my estate papers with specific instructions to my grandchildren upon my death, and have been given to each parent for their immediate guidance. Now, 40 Rules to Help Boys Become Men has been added, for the greatest gift one can leave is one of rich instruction that outlives its sender.”
– Doug Hagmann, Radio Host and Best-Selling Author
“How we need to see the flame of civility and good manners rekindled in our day. Thanks to Gregg Jackson and his publisher for making this book available to help us all recover the necessity of manly courtesy and decency.”
– Dr. Michael A. Milton, President & Senior Fellow, D. James Kennedy Institute of Christianity & Culture
“A lack of manliness is plaguing our culture and if something isn’t done about it our country will cease to exist as it does today. There has never been a time in our nation’s history when we’ve needed a book like this to train boys to become men. Read this book, digest its content, and pass it on. You won’t regret it.”
– David and Jason Benham, Best-Selling authors of Whatever The Cost and Living Among Lions
From the Author
Why I Wrote 40 Rules to Help Boys Become Men
If you are reading these words you must be acutely aware that there has been a massive decline in basic manners and civility in our country. Many of the basic rules of manners and etiquette used to be passed down from parents to their children through the generations. But it seems that this practice has skipped the past few decades. These days, if a man holds open a door for a woman he may be called a misogynist.
Nevertheless, if our nation is ever to become good again I believe it must start with us as parents in our own homes. I believe that we as parents have a duty to pass on to our progeny the basic manners and rules of etiquette that Scottish writer Alexander McCall Smith referred to as “the basic building blocks of civil society.”
That is exactly what I have endeavored to do with this little book. My hope and prayer is that a significant segment of this current generation of young boys, young adults, and subsequent generations will adopt these basic manners and rules of etiquette to help restore the civility, morality, decency, and courtesy in America that was once commonplace.
Gregg Jackson
About the Author
Gregg Jackson is the national best-selling author of Conservative Comebacks for Liberal Lies: Issue By Issue Responses To The Most Common Claims Of The Left From A to Z, co-author of We Won’t Get Fooled Again: Where the Christian Right Went Wrong And How To Make America Right Again, 40 Things to Teach Your Children Before You Die: The Simple American Truths About Life, Family & Faith & 40 Rules to Help Boys Become Men: The Lost Arts of Manners, Etiquette & Behavior.
His newest book is 40 Rules Every Sales Pro Needs to Know: The Top Sales Techniques, Practices & Habits of Elite Sales Pros.
Gregg is a former radio host on WRKO in Boston and KDAR in Los Angeles, an accomplished speaker who speaks to groups on college campuses nationwide and writer whose articles have been published in The Wall St. Journal, Washington Times, Human Events, and Townhall.com.
Amazon.com: 40 Rules to Help Boys Become Men: The Lost Arts of Manners, Etiquette & Behavior eBook : Jackson, Gregg: Kindle Store
Gregg Jackson is the national best-selling author of Conservative Comebacks for Liberal Lies: Issue By Issue Responses To The Most Common Claims Of The Left From A to Z, co-author of We Won’t Get Fooled Again: Where the Christian Right Went Wrong And How To Make America Right Again, 40 Things to Teach Your Children Before You Die: The Simple American Truths About Life, Family & Faith & 40 Rules to Help Boys Become Men: The Lost Arts of Manners, Etiquette & Behavior.
His newest book is 40 Rules Every Sales Pro Needs to Know: The Top Sales Techniques, Practices & Habits of Elite Sales Pros.
Gregg is a former radio host on WRKO in Boston and KDAR in Los Angeles, an accomplished speaker who speaks to groups on college campuses nationwide and writer whose articles have been published in The Wall St. Journal, Washington Times, Human Events, and Townhall.com.
–This text refers to the paperback edition.
From the Author
Why I Wrote 40 Rules to Help Boys Become Men
If you are reading these words you must be acutely aware that there has been a massive decline in basic manners and civility in our country. Many of the basic rules of manners and etiquette used to be passed down from parents to their children through the generations. But it seems that this practice has skipped the past few decades. These days, if a man holds open a door for a woman he may be called a misogynist.
Nevertheless, if our nation is ever to become good again I believe it must start with us as parents in our own homes. I believe that we as parents have a duty to pass on to our progeny the basic manners and rules of etiquette that Scottish writer Alexander McCall Smith referred to as “the basic building blocks of civil society.”
That is exactly what I have endeavored to do with this little book. My hope and prayer is that a significant segment of this current generation of young boys, young adults, and subsequent generations will adopt these basic manners and rules of etiquette to help restore the civility, morality, decency, and courtesy in America that was once commonplace.
Gregg Jackson
–This text refers to the paperback edition.
Review
Praise for 40 Rules to Help Boys Become Men…
“Gregg Jackson has captured the simple, yet almost forgotten principle of ‘doing unto others as you would have others do unto you’ in his simple yet profound new book, 40 Rules to Help Boys Become Men.
Let’s all hope that it becomes a runaway bestseller—the civility of our society would be better off for it!”
– Mike Huckabee, Former Governor, Fox News Contributor & New York Times Best-Selling Author
“You can tell a lot about young men by who and what they honor and their manners. Gregg Jackson has given us an outline to share with our sons in helping them to become productive young men and to do life better.”
- C. Watts, Former Professional Football Player & Oklahoma Congressman
“Copies of Gregg Jackson’s 40 Things to Teach Your Children Before You Die can be found attached to my estate papers with specific instructions to my grandchildren upon my death, and have been given to each parent for their immediate guidance. Now, 40 Rules to Help Boys Become Men has been added, for the greatest gift one can leave is one of rich instruction that outlives its sender.”
– Doug Hagmann, Radio Host and Best-Selling Author
“How we need to see the flame of civility and good manners rekindled in our day. Thanks to Gregg Jackson and his publisher for making this book available to help us all recover the necessity of manly courtesy and decency.”
– Dr. Michael A. Milton, President & Senior Fellow, D. James Kennedy Institute of Christianity & Culture
“A lack of manliness is plaguing our culture and if something isn’t done about it our country will cease to exist as it does today. There has never been a time in our nation’s history when we’ve needed a book like this to train boys to become men. Read this book, digest its content, and pass it on. You won’t regret it.”
– David and Jason Benham, Best-Selling authors of Whatever The Cost and Living Among Lions
–This text refers to the paperback edition.
Breaking down the ‘rules’ for boys and girls
How often do you notice that there are unwritten rules for the way women and girls, and men and boys act? Things like the man of the house mows the lawns while the lady looks after inside, like cleaning, vacuuming, and so on.
We are so used to seeing assigned gender roles we don’t even think about it sometimes. But I’ve been thinking about the harm that they do – and I don’t want that for my children. I want them to be who they want to be and do whatever they want to do.
So I made a promise to do something about it.
Gender roles and stereotypes tell us how we are expected to act, speak and behave based on our sex. And these divisions between men and women are harmful for everyone. But as long as everyday gender roles go unchallenged, we will struggle to address this.
The most obvious expression of gender roles is in how we dress. Girls and women wear skirts and dresses. Boys and men wear shorts and trousers. Thankfully, we’ve progressed to a time where women and girls can wear trousers too, but unfortunately not everyone is as accepting of seeing men in ‘women’s’ clothes yet.
And what’s with children’s toys? From a young age all of my daughters played with dolls and hairbrushes and frying pans, whereas my son has been madly into Lego and cars. In these simple gifts (and big advertising campaigns) our children are being told the roles they should play in the future – regardless of what they want to do.
I have spoken to my kids about this and it demonstrated how subtle and deceptive this stuff is. They had not really considered it until we spoke about it. They hadn’t considered until now that they might have been manipulated. They remember their friends and cousins playing with similar toys so had no reason to think it was anything but normal for boys to have certain types of toys and girls to have other certain types. Of course that opens the obvious question – “So what is ‘normal’?”
Thankfully none of them got upset and blamed me for rail-roading them down a predetermined path by giving them ‘girls’ and ‘boys’ toys. And in my defense, I didn’t consciously do it. Can I argue that I was actually protecting them from ridicule and being treated as different?
But have they already now been pre-wired to conform to gender roles? Is it already too late for one of my daughters to ask me to show her how to change the oil in the car? Is it too late for my 11 year old son to take up ballet?
I started thinking about this more deeply as part of the 16 Days campaign <<hyperlink to video>>. If I don’t address it now, what will the future look like for my children? Will they equally share housework with their future partners, so that they can both enjoy rewarding careers? Will they be able to do the jobs they want to, rather than the ones that people think they should?
We need to look out for the boys that want to be dress-designers, the girls that want to be bricklayers and those that want to be both.
We should be telling them they can be whoever they want to be.
Throughout the 16 Days of Activism against Gender-Based Violence, our Leadership Team are speaking out and taking action. Keep following to find out more.
16 Simple Rules to Follow When Raising Teen Boys
Children are a blessing. They test us daily but they make up for it with heaps of cuddles, plenty of sloppy kisses and lots of “I love you mummys”.
But teen boys, well, they are a whole other story.
Sure, they still test us daily, but the cuddles, kisses and ‘I love yous’ are few and far between. Instead, we get smelly laundry, empty fridges and weird stains on the sheets.
Our goal as their mum is simple – to love them and to teach them how to be decent human beings. We’re talking respectful, resilient, responsible, all that jazz.
Because we won’t be washing their stained sheets forever. But how do you know if you’re doing it right? You probably won’t. That’s the thing about raising kids – you don’t really know if you’ve done enough until they are grown up (and by then it’s too late).
So, rather than stress about it, enjoy raising your teen son. Laugh with him, love him and accept him. Here are a few rules to raising teen boys that will get us on the right path.
1. Nurture his late sleep-ins
Sure, it’s frustrating getting him to school on time, but just remember what it was like when he was a toddler, up at 5am. Oh, how the times have changed! His late starts to the day (ahem..afternoon) is all part of the whole growing-up process. Let sleeping teen boys lie and try to plan family time for the afternoons.
2. Teach him to respect others
Women. Men. Elderly. Children. Humankind. Animal kind. All the kind. Without respect, you get nowhere. End of story.
3. Let him know you’re there
And that you care. Even if he doesn’t seem to give a sh*t, he does.
4. Teen boys can eat! Plan to grocery shop more than once a week
Restocking the fridge is your new job. Thanks, bottomless pit teenager! The term “second dinner” will come up a lot.
5. Be trustworthy and respectful of his space
Have faith that he will come to you. And, if he does, offer help before punishment.
6. Teach him life skills
I’m talking about those simple things that we take for granted. Like how to write a thank-you note, how to (properly) set the table, how to listen and ask questions, how to clean a bathroom, how to do a load of washing, how to scramble an egg (or make a few decent easy meals), how to get from A to B, how to order food and how to ask for help.
7. Teach your teen about consent
He probably knows how sex works. But make sure he understands how consent works – so many teen boys were not taught this back in our day and this needs to be a mandatory lesson for our next generation of gentlemen.
8. Don’t be that overbearing mum
Be there, yes, but be there in the background. Your teen needs space to figure things out, so give it to him. Teach him how to do it, give him the tools he needs to get it done and let him try. Sure, you’re always going to be his mum and secretly love doing things for him, but he needs to learn how to do certain things himself too.
9. Make sure he minds his manners
Please and thank you go a long way, especially coming out of the mouth of a teenager!
10. Don’t make a big deal about personal products (deodorant, acne cream, shaving gel)
Buy the products. Let him do it. Don’t discuss it at the dinner table either, unless you want to hear, “Muuummmm,” and witness a steady stream of eye rolls from your teenager.
11. Knock before entering
Just save yourself the embarrassment and get in the habit of always knocking. We’ve all seen enough slapstick comedies to know what could happen if you don’t.
12. Instill the importance of communication
He will go out at night. And you will hear the faint sounds of sirens and your heart WILL stop. The easiest way to give him freedom without the constant fear is to make it a rule they check-in. A simple text will do. Just so you don’t have a heart attack every time he leaves the house.
13. Pick your battles
You’re not going to see eye to eye on everything, but fighting over every minor thing is no way to live. So let him wear weird clothes or fart at dinner. It’s not the end of the world, right?
14. Don’t just say no. Explain WHY.
This especially goes for things like drugs and alcohol. Saying “don’t do it” is pretty much the easiest way to ensure your teen boys (heck, ANY aged kids) will do it. Explaining why it’s not a good idea – the side effects, the costs, the risks involved – can help him understand where you’re coming from and that you’re not just a prude.
15. Help your teen understand how money works (no, it doesn’t grow on trees)
Teenagers usually get a taste of earning their own money at this stage in their life. Beg and plead with him to be responsible with his pay, no matter how small it is. The Bank of Mum & Dad won’t always be open but money management skills last forever.
16. Be grateful, even on those days when you want to kill him
Because one day he will be gone. The smelly shoes, the sarcastic attitude, the rude bodily functions… oddly enough, you will miss it all.
But, here’s the thing about teenage boys. Wherever he goes, physically or emotionally, he will always come back to you. To do a load of his washing, to bake him a few casseroles for his freezer, to watch his own kids while he takes his wife out, he will always come back to his mum.
And, one day, he may even thank you for everything you’ve done. Maybe.
What to read next
Boys vs. girls: Should parents apply same rules to both genders?
My daughter was a quintessential tomboy. Years ago, you would likely find her running through mud puddles with the boys in our neighborhood, rather than dressing up for a pretend tea party with her female counterparts. Today, she continues to enjoy days packed with activities as opposed to endless banter over the latest teen gossip.
When it comes to friendship issues, though, the female teen scene seems packed with melodrama. Evidently, there is something earth-shattering going on every day. On the other hand, my son and his friends have coasted through high school without the constant social drama.
Most can probably agree that we all possess both masculine and feminine characteristics. However, if there are distinct social or behavioral differences, should parents then raise the genders differently?
Behaviors and the social scene
“In recent years, there has been a great deal of empirical research that suggests there are real differences. Neuroimaging studies have been finding some interesting differences between teen boys and girls,” reports Michael A. Assel, PhD, an associate professor of pediatrics at the University of Texas Health Science Center.
Researchers have found that there are gender differences in the brain, such as girls having more serotonin and stronger neural connectors and boys having less oxytocin. In part, neurological differences account for characteristics such as boys being more impulsive and girls being more communicative.
“From a sociocultural perspective, girls tend to be seen as valuing communication more than males. I have clinically noticed that girls tend to be much better at holding grudges. Male teenagers often seem to want to escape an unpleasant situation,” says Assel. Of course, there are many exceptions.
“Old schoolers argue that girls are more social and boys are more physical,” says Susan Kuczmarski, EdD, author of “The Sacred Flight of the Teenager: A Parent’s Guide to Stepping Back and Letting Go.” She feels it is important to emphasize the similarities, and believes we shouldn’t focus on the stereotypes — sometimes boys are more social, and girls are more physical.
“It is unfair to paint girl or boy teenagers with such a broad brush stroke,” explains Assel. He also believes there are many exceptions.
Safety and sensibility
Parents are often cognizant of differences as they ponder safety issues.
Parents of boys tend to worry more about driving safety. It’s hard not to when one considers the statistics: According to a 2009 report published by the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, the number of male drivers between the ages of 15 and 20 involved in fatal traffic accidents was more than twice that of female drivers in the same age group.
Parents of girls, on the other hand, worry more about personal safety issues, such as sexual predators on college campuses, stalking, and date rape.
Does this mean that parents should allow their daughters to have driver’s licenses at a younger age or their sons to go out on dates earlier than their daughters?
“All teens experience risk and parents should be observant,” Assel cautions.
Gender rules
“Having different rules for different sexes seems unequal to me — with one exception,” explains Kuczmarski. “Girls should be taught self-defense skills to protect themselves, as often their bodies are smaller.” She says parents should initiate frequent discussions to help teens, male and female, make safe choices.
Kuczmarski stresses that parents should give their teens equal responsibilities around the house.
“Chores should transcend traditional gender boundaries. Young men need to cook, iron and do laundry. Young women need to handle tools, change car oil, and maintain yards.”
Assel agrees.
“Having certain rules for one sex versus another is probably not the best idea,” says Assel. “The privileges a child earns should be based on how they have handled responsibilities in the past.”
Tips and tales
“I had the same expectations with my daughter and sons. I found that differences in their personalities affected how they responded to expectations, but I do not believe that these are gender differences.”
— Nancy Serdich Hulton, Staatsburg, NY
“For girls, it’s drama and melodrama. For boys, it’s adventure and comedy.”
— Arelene Boulware, Hyde Park, NY
Want to share your ideas?
Upcoming topic: Tips for Sweet 16 parties that don’t break the budget!
Please send your full name, address, and brief comments to [email protected], or visit www.myrnahaskell.com.
Myrna Beth Haskell is a feature writer and columnist specializing in parenting issues and child and adolescent development. She is the mother of two teenagers.
Men Share Unwritten Rules That All Guys Follow
Typically, young boys will get some version of “the talk” right around middle school age, when their bodies are changing and their view of the world can be shaped. With a guiding hand, they can be molded to understand what’s most important. For example, bathroom etiquette. Don’t talk to anyone else. Seriously.
Man Law!
Reddit user, u/Im_not_human1, wanted to know the most important parts of the code when they asked:
What is an unwritten rule that all guys follow?
Don’t Get Me Back, Just Get The Next One
If a friend buys you a drink you don’t pay it back you just buy the next round..
Mr_RandomThoughts
One of my psych professors has done a few experiments on this, specifically taking turns shouting rounds in australian drinking culture. Turns out people don’t like when you skip out on shouting! Who would’ve thought?
definitelymy1account
Head Front, Eyes Forward, Soldier!
Giphy
Don’t look over in the urinals. Just don’t.
Fresh__Timbs
Some guy turned to me at the bar bathroom the other day and told me i had a nice watch. Weird but I’ll always take the compliment
Vlad-TheInhaler
You Gotta Give Them Choices, You Know?
If a man is kicked in the balls, all men within the immediate area must wince themselves and ask if the bro needs to be carried off or if he just wants to lay there for a bit
RicksSzechuanSauce1
Don’t Want To Seem Too Anxious For The Wrong Crowd
Gotta wait at least 1 minute to open a snap from a girl, but with the boys you open it the same second they send it
Hammervoldelig
Let Things Take Their Course
Don’t hit on anyone your friend is or was interested in without their permission.
It makes you a d-ck
betrayed202
We’re Not 2-Year Olds
Never NEVER pull your pants down all the way at a urinal
Mdudethegreat
Big Difference Between Steak And Chicken Nuggets
Whenever your bud brought food and there is only one piece left, there are only two ways it can go down.
If it was pricy then the guy who bought it will eat. If it aint then you wait for eveyone to finish their own piece and then go to get it. The fastest wins.
Zet45888
Keep It Real In Person
Late to the party but technology of whatever form (text message, FB messenger, etc) is used exclusively for a) logistics; and b) banter, jokes, memes, etc.
Serious talk of any sort is conducted in-person, or over phone if in-person is physically impossible.
ECoast_Man
Eye Forward, Soldier!
When you are taking a piss in the public bathrooms just stare at the f-cking wall and dont look anywhere else.
Natedasnake707
There Is No Middle Ground
You have to make fun of your friends and vice versa if anyone gets a haircut. Or give him a super over the top, vaguely flirty compliment
ThePizzaGuy24
Once The Eyes Connect, It’s On
When pulling up alongside someone at red traffic lights. If you look over and make any sort of eye contact with the other driver, it’s instantly a race. Even if you act like it isnt, – IT IS.
Jetblackhatattack
Super Important. How Else Would You Know?
After applying restraints to objects in the flatbed of a truck, saying “Yep, that’s not goin’ anywhere” is an absolute necessity.
FlammableDucks
Because Sometimes It’s Really, Really Big
We all have to be tough when sometimes the spider does scare you.
SLEEP_CRITIC
A Bro Always Has A Bro’s Back, Even From Beyond The Grave
If a bro dies while lifting, put more weight on the bar, then call 911
notreallysrs
This one is great.
“Help me bro, help me… put more weight on this bar”
Secondary92
Assert Dominance And Control
If your eyes meet another guys on the bus or train you have less than a second to look away.
Boop108
Or else you gotta stare until they look away or you feel like b-tch.
Alpha!!!!
hellcat82
These Motions Are Incredibly Important
Nod up for an acquaintance, nod down for a stranger.
ZanyDelaney
If you wanna assert pure dominance you wink
SloppyNegan
Just Get The Ball Rolling
If there is poop caked onto the side of the bowl u try and p-ss it off. Even if u can’t u try to soften it up a little so the next guy can come in and finish the job
i8noodles
Loving that this has come up multiple times in this thread. Do your duty, men!
junktrunk909
Just A Couple To Round Us Off
- Wherever possible, every other urinal
- your buddy’s wife, mom, sister, girlfriend, ex-wife, and ex-girlfriend are off limits (sole exception being some ex-girlfriends if sufficient time has passed and the relationship was sufficiently casual)
- Do not get passed. If anyone passes you for any reason, on either side, you are driving too slow.
- If you ever find yourself in the wrong kind of threesome – do not make eye contact at any point with the other dude.
- If it doesn’t smell, you can still wear it.
- When walking with a woman or child along a street or train track, you take the ‘lane’ closest to the street or traffic, effectively using your body as a potential shield.
- laughter, nut shot, or loss of a loved one/ pet are the only acceptable instances for shedding tears in public.
- Never let them know the shower is too hot or the food too spicy. Never.
Seriously. The Golden Rule Of Manhood…
If possible, every other urinal.
K-Dog7469
The office building I work at has three urinals. I always choose 1 or 3. A dude who works in one of the other offices ALWAYS chooses urinal 2, whether 1 and/or 3 are open or not.
One of these days I’m going to explain man law to him.
hedpe70
Boys’ hygiene
The problem of genital hygiene in boys from newborn to 5 years should be given special attention.
Our urologist Andrey Vvanovich Nomokonov prepared several recommendations on how to properly care for boys.
In the first months of life, it is recommended to wash the baby daily and treat the genitals with warm boiled water using a cotton pad.Then, at the age of 2 months, you can wash it off with warm, not boiled water.
Hygiene procedures should not be carried out using decoctions of any herbs (to avoid unwanted allergic reactions), as well as antiseptic solutions (chlorhexidine, miromistin) and alcohol solutions (this can lead to chemical burns).
It is not enough to bathe the baby once a day; washing should be done at least 2-3 times a day, after every 3-4 urinations.If a boy is often in disposable diapers, it is difficult to track the amount of urination, so hygiene procedures should be carried out with each diaper change.
Important! With all the convenience of using a diaper, you should not abuse wearing them. Wearing them creates its own microclimate, which leads to a local increase in body temperature, including the genitals, in particular the testicles of a little man. This can lead to future fertility problems.
The washing procedure itself is no different from the hygiene of older children and adults, after rinsing in warm water, the genitals should be well washed with soapy water (in no case with soap, because there is a risk of soap getting on the mucous membranes, which can cause a chemical burn ), then rinse abundantly with running warm water. It is necessary to slightly move the foreskin without aggression, then rinse it with water.
To disclose or not to disclose? In this case, the more precise wording will be to bare the head or not.The foreskin is a movable part of the skin of the penis that covers the glans, thereby protecting it from dirt, microorganisms, and foreign particles. At the same time, under the foreskin, a secret of the glands of the head is formed – smegma, consisting of fatty secretions and desquamated cells. In some cases, this secret can serve as a favorable environment for the reproduction of pathogenic organisms, which can lead to inflammation of the foreskin – balanoposthitis.
As a rule, the outer opening of the preputial sac (cavity formed by the foreskin) in newborn boys is narrowed.This is called physiological phimosis. This condition is completely leveled by the 5-6 years of the child’s life, and in no case, before this age, you should not try to bare the head of the penis on your own.
Firstly, without tears and tantrums, you and your baby will not succeed. Secondly, it can lead to injury to the foreskin, which will lead to scarring and narrowing, which will further aggravate the situation.
Phimosis, on the other hand, is a condition in which the head does not independently move outside the foreskin, as a result of the narrowing of the outer opening of the preputial sac.This condition requires a specialist consultation with a further choice of treatment tactics.
By the age of 6, under the influence of sex hormones, the foreskin will begin to stretch on its own, and the head will spontaneously go beyond it. But it is important to remember that the health of your child is only in your hands and you should not let the situation go by itself. This requires periodic monitoring by the parents of this process, it is necessary to tell the child about the need for the procedure.
If you have any questions, you must contact a specialist, in no case should you resort to the advice of grandmothers, aunts, neighbors, girlfriends, instagram experts. In any situation you do not understand, you need to get a specialist’s advice, only a doctor can diagnose and, if necessary, prescribe the necessary treatment.
90,000 Boys’ Hygiene – City Children’s Polyclinic No. 3 of the city of Stary Oskol
Monday,
eighteen
May
2015
Many people think that the hygiene of boys and babies is not much different from the hygiene of girls of the same age.Moreover, it even seems to mothers that it is much easier to care for a newborn son than for a daughter: it is more difficult to infect boys’ genitals and it will not be necessary to maintain special cleanliness. Such an attitude to the boy’s hygiene is a naive, if not dangerous, delusion! It is not for nothing that urologists believe that many male health problems begin in the first (and decisive!) Five years of a child’s life, and they are associated – alas – with non-observance of hygiene rules. Naturally, every mother is familiar with the rules of general newborn care.She knows how to properly feed, swaddle and bathe a baby. But not everyone is familiar with the proper care of the genitals – the basis of boy’s hygiene. The fact is that boys are born with a skin fold that completely covers the head of the penis – the foreskin. In newborns, the foreskin is narrowed – this is the so-called physiological phimosis, which will disappear by 3-5 years. Sebaceous glands are located inside the foreskin, which produce a special lubricant. If the boy’s mother rarely washes the baby, only changing diapers for him (assuming that evening bathing is enough for the boy’s normal hygiene), harmful bacteria will begin to appear under the baby’s foreskin, which can cause inflammation of the glans penis – balanoposthitis.The only way to save your little one from such troubles is to strictly adhere to the rules of hygiene. These rules are very simple: you need to wash your baby, every time after he has wet the diaper two or three times in a row. Of course, it is very difficult to track these moments in diapers, therefore, roughly – every three hours. It is necessary to wash the boy’s genitals with gentle movements, without effort exposing the head. If the hygiene of boys is carried out correctly, then the risk of male inflammatory diseases (including those that can end in infertility!) Will be minimized.The boy can be washed away by laying his stomach down. Place it with your stomach on the forearm of your left hand and press it with your left side against you, the child’s head will be on your elbow, hold the child by the hip with your hand. Wash with your right hand under running water. Wash your bottom, genitals, and the area around your genitals. Do not move the foreskin on the glans penis. When the baby grows up, he will be able to rest his legs against the bottom of the sink, and it will be easier to hold him. If there is no hot water, you can wash your baby on the changing table.Put the diaper on the oilcloth, put the baby on top of the back. Place a bowl of warm water next to it. Moisten cotton pads in water and wash the child with them. When finished, wipe your bottom with a towel or dry diaper edge. You can use cleansing sanitary napkins. Unfortunately, many parents do not pay due attention to the boy’s health and intimate hygiene. Then their son pays for this: his mission of the successor of the family may be threatened. However, most of the pathology of the male genital organs lends itself well to correction, especially in the early stages.Most diseases of the male genital organs at a very early age often cause male infertility in the future. Therefore, the health of young men has always been especially taken care of, paying attention to the correct development, as well as the care and hygiene of the external genital organs. From the first days of life A significant part of congenital pathology can be diagnosed from the first days of life. Intrauterine testicles in boys are laid in the abdominal cavity and by the time of birth they gradually descend into the scrotum.Inadmissibility of one or both testicles is called “cryptorchidism”. Having discovered this pathology, the doctor directs the baby to a specialist – a urologist, who monitors him for a year. If at least one testicle has not descended by the year, the child is prescribed an operation, with the help of which the testicle is lowered into the scrotum. In addition to the fact that the testicles must descend into the scrotum, by the time of birth, the canal between the abdominal cavity and the testicular cavity must also be closed. If this does not happen, the fluid in the abdominal cavity enters the testicular cavity and another disease develops – “dropsy of the testicular membranes”.In this case, the pathology is manifested by an increase in the size of the corresponding half of the scrotum and does not cause pain. Until the age of two, the child is observed by a surgeon in a polyclinic, and if by this time the communication with the abdominal cavity does not close on its own, a surgical ligation of the canal is performed. The peculiarity of the structure of the external genital organs in young boys is that the foreskin is narrowed and the head of the penis is not brought out. This absolutely natural condition is called “physiological phimosis” and does not need to be corrected.Moreover, the head should not be forcibly removed from the preputial sac. This can injure the mucous membrane of the foreskin and cause the formation of scarring. Most often, the head unfolds on its own during the growth of a child by the age of 6 or earlier. From the first days of a baby’s life, parents must follow the rules of hygienic care for him. Many mothers are great at caring for girls. But when a boy appears in the family, difficulties immediately arise. Some parents believe that it is better not to touch “this organ” at all – in time everything will be solved by itself, but this is not so.Caring for a little man requires special care and regular observation. And parents should never forget about it. Otherwise, in the future, the grown-up boy may face serious problems. Genital hygiene is very important, especially in boys. Therefore, from the very first days of a child’s life, it is necessary to regularly, once a day, at the end of bathing, slightly (in no case injuring the skin) pulling the foreskin, rinse the head with boiled warm water or chamomile decoction.And when the baby grows up, it can be done with ordinary running water. At 4-5 years old, a boy should do this under your supervision, on his own. When the boy grows up, he should be taught independent hygiene skills, but in order for these useful habits to take hold for the rest of his life, he must start as early as possible. Hygiene of clothes. Another tip for boys’ parents is to keep their clothes hygienic. The fact that clothes should correspond to the growth of the child, not press anywhere and be, if possible, made of natural fabrics is clear to many.In the case of boys, one of the main requirements for clothing hygiene is to dress the child for the season. Those who take a child to kindergarten have probably more than once observed how some children are dressed for a walk in the cold season: from above – an incredible number of blouses and sweaters, from below – panties, tights, leggings, and even some kind of jumpsuit on triple padding polyester. This form of clothing is very harmful to the boy’s health – overheating the “bottom” is no less dangerous than getting cold. In addition, boys are mobile and, running on the street, instantly sweat in such an outfit – and this is already fraught with colds.In general, it is very important to dress the child appropriately for the weather, and not “just in case” or because “it’s winter on the calendar”. The problem of hygiene of school-age boys in the issue of clothing has a downside: boys are embarrassed to wear warm pants under their trousers even in cold weather, but now you can find trousers with insulation in stores, preferably such that it is not hot in the room. The growth process of the human body is very difficult, but responsible parents can positively influence the growth and development of their sons, having taught them in advance to keep their bodies clean: proper care of the oral cavity, skin, hair, etc.These skills are especially needed for boys of transitional age, when the whole body is being rebuilt and maturing. A teenage boy needs to be told about the peculiarities of these changes, the activity of various organs during the period of maturity, the age-related hygiene of boys. Some parents are embarrassed to talk about these topics with their children, but there are many books on this topic – buy them for your son. There is no need to scare the child with diseases – you just need to explain it in an accessible way. This also applies to the acquisition of bad habits (mainly smoking) by intimidation and threats, you will not achieve much, but an accessible story about how exactly smoking affects a growing body will surely make the boy think.Very often we understand hygiene, mainly, as keeping cleanliness, but there are many other conditions, without which it is impossible to talk about the correct hygiene of a boy. So, the main rules of hygiene for boys (in addition to personal hygiene) include: 1. Compliance with the daily routine. 2. Reasonable alternation of rest and work. 3. Rational nutrition. 4. Hardening of the body. 5. Exercise. Alas, modern boys do not honor such rules. And all because of the laziness of the parents. We know how important it is to adhere to the daily routine – but every now and then we knock down the child’s schedule.With a rational diet, it also does not always work out – children grow up on “fast food”. And if we ourselves prefer lying in front of the TV to physical exercises, then what can we demand from children? Not to mention tempering – this business requires consistency and willpower. However, for the boy’s full development, all this is simply necessary! The boy should have dumbbells in the room, it is good for the kids to buy a “wall bars”, boys of all ages are delighted with the appearance of a punching bag in the house.In general, keeping boys hygiene is not that difficult when you think about it. It’s just that adults need to start with themselves, overcome their own laziness in these matters, show a worthy example – and then nothing will threaten the health of growing men. Do you need a doctor? An immediate visit to the doctor is necessary if the baby has pains in the foreskin, redness and swelling, purulent discharge of white or yellow color appears – these are signs of purulent inflammation – “balanoposthitis”. You should consult a doctor immediately: – with reddening of the scrotum, its swelling, soreness – after an injury in the perineal region – with edema of the penis, redness, inability to close the head, urinary retention.- when a child complains of pain in the scrotum and penis area – after suffering from mumps (mumps) At any age, the child’s parents may face acquired, acute diseases of his male genital organs. This group of pathological conditions is called “acute testicular disease.” Their external manifestations are the same: swelling, redness, pain in the scrotum. They develop within a few hours and require immediate surgical correction. Otherwise, irreversible pathological changes may occur in the testicle, which will further significantly affect reproductive function.Therefore, if parents find the above symptoms, it is necessary to urgently consult a doctor. At about 11-12 years old, boys begin puberty, their voice changes, secondary sexual characteristics appear, and the external genital organs increase. At this age, another possible pathology manifests itself, namely, varicose veins of the testicular spermatic cord – “varicocele”. The disease mainly manifests itself on the left side (up to 98%), which is explained by anatomical features.Unfortunately, the consequences of this condition, and this is primarily male infertility, does not correspond to the manifestations of the disease. As a rule, a teenager does not make any complaints, and only in the later stages of the disease can he notice a heaviness in the scrotum, or a decrease in the size of the left testicle. In order not to miss this formidable disease, the boy needs to undergo regular preventive examinations by a surgeon or urologist (once a year). Treatment of this disease is only surgical and consists in ligation of the seminal veins, which stops the pathological blood flow in the testicle.Caring for a little man requires special care! It is important to remember that many problems can be avoided if you follow basic hygiene rules and regularly show your child to a pediatric surgeon, pediatric urologist, andrologist.
MBUZ “City Children’s Clinic No. 3”
Pediatric urologist-andrologist: S.V. Kulikov
Puberty for boys and girls – Children’s City Clinic No. 1
Puberty (also puberty or pubertal) is a process of changes in the body of a teenager, as a result of which he becomes an adult and is capable of procreation.
Puberty is a component of biological maturation. It is associated with the production of sex hormones in the body. In the puberty of a girl, the hormones estrogen, progesterone, FSH, LH play a decisive role; boy – testosterone. The age at which puberty begins is different for all peers – this is normal. On average, girls’ puberty begins 1-2 years earlier than boys, so girls are sometimes taller and older in appearance, but this is temporary, after 1-2 years the boys will catch up and overtake them.
Sexual maturity – the stage of ontogeny (the period of physical development), when the individual reaches the ability to reproduce.
In girls, puberty is characterized by the ability to conceive, bear a fetus, give birth, and feed offspring.
In boys – the ability to fertilize.
Sexual maturity usually occurs before the end of the main growth, structural and physiological, development of the organism, before the onset of social and civic maturity.
Sex education is an integral part of the process of personality formation, which includes the problems of health, morality, law, culture and ethics.
The task of sex education: to raise a man from a boy, and a girl to grow happily into a happy and successful woman.
Family is the main educator of moral and sexual behavior! The psychological climate in the family should be such that from a very early age the child would feel, and the older ones would understand that a good family is the basis of life’s well-being for a person.
Sexual inviolability – an absolute legal prohibition on sexual contacts extended to persons under 16 years of age and other persons who, due to mental or physical illness, are unable to express their will.
Article 22 of the Constitution of the Russian Federation proclaims: “Everyone has the right to freedom and personal immunity.”
Sexual inviolability is a component of sexual freedom, therefore violation of sexual inviolability always means violation of sexual freedom.
Crimes against sexual inviolability entail a violation of the bodily and mental integrity of a person, his health and life. Criminal legislation especially severely punishes sexual offenses against minors. A juvenile victim is a natural person who, at the time of harm or threat, was under 18 years of age.
This can protect your children from unforeseen circumstances.
Rules of conduct for children and adolescents in unfamiliar companies:
- A girl’s consent to go to a restaurant (to a party) is sometimes regarded as an understanding that after a party the girl can continue the meeting in a more intimate setting.The subsequent resistance is perceived simply as a game.
- From the very beginning, it is necessary to outline the boundaries of possible relationships. This is the main principle of protection against encroachment.
- If an uncomfortable feeling arises, do not be shy about your caution. You need to leave or firmly declare your attitude to the situation, saying a decisive unequivocal no.
- Remember that it is more difficult for a drunk person to navigate the situation and prevent violence against himself. Always stay sober with strangers and at a big party.Stay together with close friends or close to good acquaintances, do not lose sight of each other and leave together.
Rules of conduct on the street:
- When leaving the house, always warn you where you are going, where you will be and what time you will return. If you come home late at night, ask to be met.
- In public transport, sit closer to the driver. Do not enter into conversations with unfamiliar passengers, do not tell where you are going and where you live.
- If you need to walk in the dark, try to walk with people. Cross the street along the underpass in a group of people.
- If it seemed that someone was following you, you must immediately proceed to a crowded place, contact an adult.
- Get home only by known transport (trolleybus, bus, minibus), never stop someone else’s car and do not sit down yourself if you are offered a ride.
- Under no circumstances get into the car to show the way, shop, pharmacy, do not fulfill any driver’s requests.
- When walking along the road, choose a route so that you meet traffic.
- If a stranger asks you to go with him and call the apartment, because they don’t open it to him, but they will open it to you, don’t go!
- Do not go with a stranger if he offers to treat you to sweets, watch animals, play a computer, do not take drinks or sweets from him.
Rules of conduct at home:
- Never let a stranger into your apartment.If they call or knock on the door, do not come and ask who came. The parents have the keys and they will open the door themselves.
- Under no circumstances should you open the door to persons who introduce themselves as a postman, doctor, policeman, plumber, electrician, or acquaintance of their parents, even if they try to persuade.
- When leaving the apartment, look through the peephole. If there are people on the landing, wait until they leave.
- Make sure no one is around before opening the front door with the key.
The castrated boy was raised as a girl
Photo caption,
Due to the incident, Bruce changed sex and became Branda
At the hospital where Janet Reimer gave birth, her husband Ron asked the usual cases the question is: “boy or girl?” He was told: “Twin boys!” This was true in the beginning.
Babies were born in Canada in 1966. Both had male XY chromosomes. Like the female XX chromosomes, they determine a person’s gender, appearance, and hormonal system.
Bruce and Brian Reimer grew up as normal boys. They only showed problems with urination. On the advice of the doctors, their parents took them to the hospital for circumcision.
During the operation, due to equipment malfunction, Bruce received a severe electric shock, which completely destroyed his penis.
“I thought circumcision was done with a simple blade,” Janet recalls.
Brian’s operation was canceled and both sons were taken home.
An ideal experiment?
A few months later, Janet and Ron saw Dr. John Money speaking on TV. He specializes in the psychology of sex change people. According to the scientist, it is not biology, but education that makes a person a man or a woman.
Janet wrote to Dr. Money, and he invited Bruce to his clinic in Baltimore, deciding to use him to confirm his theory.
The psychologist was convinced that Bruce would be happier as a woman, even if not able to give birth, than as a man without male dignity.On July 3, 1967, Bruce was finally castrated and given the female name Brenda.
Dr. Money convinced the parents that for the sake of success, neither Brenda nor her twin brother should learn about the sex change.
The psychologist regularly followed the reincarnation of the former boy.
“The mother notes that her daughter is better at keeping clean than her brother. Unlike him, she does not tolerate disorder,” Dr. Manyi wrote in his diary. “On the other hand, Brenda often behaves like a tomboy, girls physical strength, stubbornness and desire to dominate other children. “
In 1975, when the twins were 9 years old, Dr. Money published his observations. He announced that his experiment was a complete success.
“Brenda behaves like a normal, albeit too active girl, – wrote the psychologist. – She is strikingly different in manners from her rude brother. Nothing reminds of their former identity.”
Lonely girl
However, upon reaching adolescence, Brenda began to contemplate suicide.
“I saw that Brenda was unhappy and very lonely,” recalls Janet. “She was masculine, and I could not instill femininity in her. She grew up almost without friends. Peers laughed at her, called her savage.”
Parents stopped taking their daughter to Dr. Mani and once announced to her that she was born a boy. A few weeks later, she asked to be called David.
Bruce-Brenda-David underwent surgery to restore male genital organs, and then even got married.He could not make his wife pregnant, but became a loving stepfather to her three children from a previous marriage.
In the interest of maintaining his anonymity, the doctors named him John / Jane. This case made it into the medical and psychological literature, where it is described as a successful example of the treatment of hermaphrodites or men who have lost their penis.
After thirty years, David became increasingly depressed. He lost his job and parted with his wife.
In the spring of 2002, his brother Brian died of a drug overdose.In May 2004, when David was 38 years old, the police informed Janet and Ron that their son had committed suicide.
There are relatively few cases like the John / Jane story.
Polly Carmichael, an employee of Great Ormond Street Children’s Hospital in London, noted that in many cases it is possible to ensure a happy future for a person, since, according to her, children demonstrate an amazing ability to adapt to different life circumstances.
Blue – boys, pink – girls? Gender myth?
- Claudia Hammond
- BBC Fututre
Photo by Thinkstock
Is it true that men prefer blue and women prefer pink? BBC Future has found that these two colors play a more important role in our lives than is commonly thought.
In a children’s clothing store, you can easily find a section for girls – most of the products presented in it are pink. Many parents I know would like their daughters to choose other colors, but girls seem to be irresistibly attracted to pink. However, is it really so? Is the craving for a particular color innate?
More than one scientific study is devoted to clarifying the color preferences of different age groups. Most surveys conducted in the United States indicate that children of both genders, up to toddlerhood, are attracted to primary colors such as red and blue.Pink is not the most popular color in this group, although it is chosen more often than brown or gray. According to some studies, blue is the most popular color for toddlers, while others are red. However, as a rule, the connection of color preferences with the gender of the participants in the experiments is not visible.
Author of the photo, Thinkstock
Signs to the photo,
Children of both sexes up to toddlers are attracted to primary colors such as red and blue
In 2007, researchers from the University of Newcastle (UK) surveyed adults on the same topic.Do you think most women chose pink, or at least red? Nothing like this. The most popular color – among both men and women – was named blue. However, on average, women were more likely than men to opt for shades of red. The authors of the study suggested that since women have been gathering since primitive times, their perception of the light spectrum is traditionally tuned to the range of red hues of ripe berries.
However, it is not entirely clear how the experience of collecting, acquired many centuries ago, can influence the preferences of modern women.He may have contributed to the development of the ability to distinguish shades of red, but this logical chain is missing a link. Not all red berries are tasty and healthy, among them there are poisonous ones, so why should women like red more than others? If the preference for reddish tones was a consequence of evolution, it would be universal, but a study conducted last year among women of the Namibian tribe Himba did not confirm this.
Congenital preferences?
Photo author, Thinkstock
Pidpis to photo,
As women have been collecting since primitive times, it is possible that their perception of the light spectrum is traditionally tuned to the range of red shades of ripe berries.
Color preferences can be influenced by cultural norms.In cultures where pink is considered an acceptable color for a newborn girl and blue for a boy, babies from the cradle become accustomed to the abundance of these colors in their own clothes and even in the surrounding objects. As a result, it is difficult to understand whether the craving for a particular color, which manifests itself in subsequent life, is innate. The authors of the 2011 study tried to answer this question.
One-year-old boys and girls were shown pairs of identical items (bracelets, pill packs or photo frames), one pink and the other a different color.The kids didn’t choose pink more often than any other. In the group of children aged two years and older, girls more often preferred pink, while in the group of four-year-olds, boys clearly rejected pink. This is exactly the age at which preschoolers begin to realize their gender, distinguish it in others and look closely at which signs determine boys and which ones determine girls. It turns out that even young children show preferences that are characteristic of the group to which they belong – just like adults.
This phenomenon was identified in another study in which children three to four years old were divided into two groups in kindergarten. One group was dressed in red T-shirts and the other in blue. In one of the groups, educators constantly focused the attention of children on the color of their T-shirts. As a result, at the end of the three-week experiment, the children began to make a choice in favor of everything that was associated with a given color. And this is only after three weeks. And the sex of the newborn becomes the main topic of discussion even in the early stages of pregnancy.When we find out about the birth of a child, the only question that interests us is: a boy or a girl?
One could, of course, argue that the presence of one color or another in the environment of children in the early stages of development does not really matter, but in reality this factor can even affect how adults treat them, children.
In one famous experiment, women treated the same babies differently depending on whether the children were dressed in pink or blue.If the color of the clothes was blue, the women subconsciously behaved with the child as with a boy – they paid more attention to games with elements of physical activity and strove to hand him a squeaky hammer. With the same child, dressed in pink, they coddled more and let him play with dolls.
Pink for boys?
Author of the photo, Thinkstock
Pidpis to the photo,
Sometimes girls choose pink simply because it is so accepted
But what about the stories that a hundred years ago little boys were dressed in pink, and that girls’ wardrobe has this color started to prevail recently? Apparently this is a legend.In his new book, Great Myths of the Brain, psychology popularizer Christian Jarrett writes that Italian psychologist Marco del Guidice, who tried to get to the roots of this myth, found only four brief magazine quotes describing pink as the color preferred by boys. Moreover, in two quotes, in his opinion, pink could be confused with blue. A controversial claim, but there is more convincing evidence – a search in a database of five million books published in the United States and Britain between 1800 and 2000., did not identify a single phrase “pink for a boy”, although the phrase “pink for a girl” has been encountered with increasing frequency since 1890.
The association of pink with femininity can also have negative consequences if used inappropriately. Pink is often used in visuals for breast cancer campaigns, but researchers at Erasmus University of Rotterdam have found that when women are shown advertisements that are dominated by pink, they are less likely to think about their own risk of getting sick and are less likely to donate. charities supporting breast cancer patients.
According to scientists, the point is not that women do not like pink, but that it reminds them too obsessively of their sex. The viewer has a latent impression that advertising poses a threat to her personally. As a result, the defense mechanism of denial is triggered.
But there is at least one area in which the use of pink works equally well on both women and men. In 2002, Swiss scientists, aiming to increase public interest in participating in various polls, concluded that the color of the paper on which the questionnaires are printed in most cases does not matter.However, if the questionnaires were printed on pink paper, 12% more people returned them filled out.
Colors do seem to have much more influence on our behavior than we think.
Raising boys and girls: what are the differences?
Parents of girls. Girls are more receptive than boys. Light, color perception, smells, sounds – everything plays a role. Babies are very responsive to dissonances in the environment, both visual and auditory. In the color of toys, clothes, interior, choose matching tones; Calm, melodic, rhythmic musical compositions are perceived by girls more favorably and can influence the positive mood of babies.Likewise, harsh loud noises are more likely to cause fright and irritation in girls than in boys.
In addition, girls have a highly developed tactile side of perception. Touches, hugs, kisses, massage, close distance, and the ability to stay close are important ingredients in interacting with your daughter. At the same time, the older the girl, the more important it becomes, including at the tactile-physical level, personal space. It is important for a preschooler to have her own play area, where she can store her treasures, favorite things and toys, arrange and rearrange everything at her own discretion.At school age, “secrets” often appear, secret societies that girls organize, and this is another expression of a commitment to having something personal, only their own. And teenage girls actively defend their right to have their secrets from their parents, their own space on the physical level, where they can only admit the elite. Knowing this feature, emphasize that you respect this right to personal and at the same time are ready to accept, listen and support at any time.
Girls tend to do everything according to the model, according to the rules.And it is very important that the model they are guided by is correct: this applies to activities, hobbies, and behavior. Communication rules, how to do something, academic performance – all this plays a big role for girls, and it is important to regularly provide explanations, to make sure that your daughter understands what is happening now, what rules should be followed in this situation. Girls more often rely on the help of adults, for them it is not only help in achieving a good result, but also an opportunity to receive attention that is important to them.Uncertainty can cause anxiety and anxiety in girls more often than in boys. This is especially acute in adolescence: girls more often begin to question even simple rules, are especially sensitive to the contradictory demands of adults, the instability of self-esteem increases, and it is very important to provide timely emotional support.
Mom and Dad also begin to play different roles as they grow up, each of which is significant and important.From an early age, it is important for my daughter to say that she is beautiful, wonderful, kind. And it is especially important when the father broadcasts this: his actions should be aimed at creating a feeling of security in the daughter, it is his judgments that form the daughter’s self-esteem to a greater extent, his approval is more significant in adolescence than maternal ”.
Can boys fight girls?
The eternal question. As soon as children begin to interact, collisions, conflicts, contradictions are inevitable between them.Children may not share the shoulder blade, at the same time they want to swing on a swing. Naturally, they often take away toys from each other, they can push or hit each other.
In this interaction at an early age, the child does not yet divide his peers into boys and girls. For a child, it makes no difference whether he / she plays with a child of the same gender or another.
Parents are usually quite calm about conflicts between boys. More often they teach their sons to negotiate with each other, if necessary, they teach them to repulse the offender.In any case, the parents are trying to teach the child to somehow resolve the conflict, not to leave him. Girls are taught to negotiate more often than to fight back, and more often they use words such as “you can’t fight, you’re a girl”, “it’s ugly when a girl pushes, fights.”
When the interaction of boys and girls begins, parents begin to focus not so much on constructive ways of interaction, on effective options for getting out of the conflict, but on the fact that there is an interaction between a boy and a girl.Consequently, every child must behave in accordance with the way in which boys and girls are prescribed to behave in society. Namely, it is believed that girls need to give in and should not be offended. Often, parents begin to worry that boys offend girls and teach boys to avoid conflict with girls, to give in (conflict avoidance strategy).
Very often in play, children interact, show physical activity, sometimes push, touch each other. But if the child does not seek to purposefully inflict pain on another, then one cannot talk about aggressive behavior.This is a common interaction. Parents, on the other hand, can often see a manifestation of aggression in such behavior and, accordingly, draw the attention of their children to this.
Seryozha (3 years old) and Lena (3 years old) are playing catch-up. Lena caught up with Seryozha and pushed him. Now Seryozha ran after Lena and also pushed in the back when he caught up. “You can’t push girls. Girls need to be protected, not pushed, ”Lena’s grandmother shouted sternly, running up to Seryozha. Seryozha was silent. He didn’t understand anything.
Ordinary situation: a game in which the rules are different for boys and girls.The girl can push the boy in the game, but the boy is not allowed to. At the same time, in this case, neither the boy nor the girl showed aggression towards each other, did not want to offend each other or cause pain. They played catch-up, touched each other. In their tacit agreement, it was normal to push the other slightly, it was a form of contact and a sign that one caught up with the other and the roles were changing. The children did not cry, did not take offense. They played and looked more like active kittens and puppies, which while playing, bite each other, push with their paws and beat with their tails.
However, the grandmother drew attention to the fact that what is allowed for the girl (note that she did not say that Lena should not push) is not allowed for the boy. How can the guys continue to play this game, observing the rules of the grandmother? Complex issue.
Perhaps the biggest difficulty is the question of how to explain to a boy why boys cannot offend girls, but girls can. This is what our next story is about.
A kindergarten teacher complains that six-year-old Vladik is fighting a girl.“Talk to your son! He is a future man and should not offend girls! ” The upset mother began to ask Vladik what had happened. And what did she learn? Turns out one girl,
Tanya, constantly picks up Vladik: he will hit him on the head, then he will trip. Vladik endured for a long time, but today he pushed her back. Tanya immediately ran with tears to complain to the teacher. Vladik was put in a corner.
Mom was at a loss. What to do? What to talk to your son about? On the one hand, he is right, on the other, he is wrong.Mom remembered Tanya. Tall (half a head taller than Vladik), noisy and lively girl, she was stronger than any boy in the group. But she’s a girl … Mom thought deeply. In our society, it is not customary to beat women, this behavior is condemned. However, the persistent gender stereotype “girls cannot be beaten” is sometimes very effectively used by girls who bully boys, call names, beat them themselves, but in case of minimal aggression they complain to adults and at the same time shout: “I am a girl, girls cannot be beaten”.Tell Vladik that you can’t fight girls, since they are weaker and need to be protected? This phrase does not stand up to elementary logical testing. Tanya is stronger than Vladik, and even more cocky because of impunity. Girls often attack, realizing that the boys will be scolded.
About half an hour had passed, and mom and Vladik were still sitting silently on the sofa. Mom was silent, thinking what and how to tell her son, and Vladik was silent, because he did not know how to explain to his mother why he pushed the girl. Finally my mother began: “Son, there are rules in our society.A polite man will not offend a woman, even if she is stronger or if she attacks. It happens that girls bully. I think you can tell Tanya that if she were a boy, you would fight with her, but since she is a girl, you will not. Girls and boys sometimes fight. I understand that you were offended and unpleasant when you were punished. ” Vladik snuggled up to his mother and sniffed. Mom stroked his head and kissed him.
This story is typical. In early and early preschool age, girls and boys interact on an equal footing.However, gradually, hearing the replies of adults, boys and girls begin to understand: “What is allowed to Jupiter is not allowed to a bull.” Lenochka from the first example we gave, learned the words of her grandmother quickly enough. A year later, she briskly pushed the boys, while defending herself with magic words: “You cannot offend girls.”
What’s going on with the girls? Already in the middle preschool age, they understand that they have a priority. Naturally, I really want to use this advantage. Moreover, a girl can fight a boy with almost impunity.And the boy? By defending himself, the boy becomes a victim. He becomes an ill-mannered boy who offends girls. Such a boy is often condemned by adults, other children, whether boys or girls, may laugh at him.
Alyosha is a second grader. He is not a badass, but he does not mind wrestling with other boys during recess. His classmate Vika is larger, but it cannot be said that she is stronger. Vika constantly approaches Alyosha during breaks and kicks him hard on the legs. Alyosha runs away from Vika, but Vika catches up with him and can only hide in the men’s room.But you’re not going to sit in the toilet for a whole change?
When Alyosha’s parents noticed bruises on their son’s legs, they discussed the situation with him and offered to explain to Vika that next time he would have to push her away. And that is what Alyosha did. He pushed Vika away, who did not expect a rebuff. Vika began to shout that Alyosha was a terrible person, beating girls. For several days Alyosha was teased by the whole class.
What did Alyosha do? He endured for a long time, then warned and pushed Vika away.He didn’t beat her, he just defended himself from the aggressor. The payback was severe. The stigma “abuser of girls”, condemnation of classmates, shame …
It probably would have been bad for Alyosha if the teacher had not intervened. The wise teacher noticed in time that something was wrong and devoted part of the class hour to this problem. What did the teacher talk about? She talked about boys and girls, about relationships. She talked about our society and that there are different rules. For example, the rule that “you cannot beat women” means that men are usually stronger and it is incorrect to beat those who are weaker.In the same way, there is a rule that “you cannot offend the little, the old.” But this rule does not give permission in the opposite direction. This does not mean that a girl, toddler or elderly person can beat another with impunity just like that. In this case, the normal response is to defend yourself against the aggressor. What can a boy do? Dodge the blow, push the offender. The teacher drew attention to the word “pushed away” and even wrote it down on the board thus “pushed away”. He did not push, but pushed him away, removed himself from himself, saved himself from the misfortune.
At the end of the conversation, the teacher read to the children the chapter “General Ginger’s Rebel Army” from Lyman Baum’s “Land of Oz” book. Schoolchildren listened with pleasure, they loved to listen to books, laughed at girls who could become rebels and conquerors, armed with knitting needles. But the teacher did not read to the children for fun. Of course, after that they had a serious talk about the heroines of the book and their methods of warfare.
Here is an excerpt from the book that will allow the interested reader to understand what the teacher was talking about with the children.
– We are not afraid of anything! – responded the leader of the army, and her decisive appearance worried the Guardian in earnest.
He rang the bell to summon the Soldier with Green Sideburns, but at the same moment regretted it, for he was immediately surrounded by a crowd of girls who pulled the knitting needles out of their hair and began swinging them dangerously close to the fat cheeks and the unfortunate blinking eyes of the unfortunate Guardians.
The poor man loudly begged for mercy and did not offer the slightest resistance, even when Ginger tore a bunch of keys from his neck.
The entire Army, led by the General, rushed to the gates and then faced the Royal Army of the Land of Oz – in other words, the Soldier with Green Whiskers.
– Stop! He shouted loudly, aiming his long gun at the leader.
Some of the girls screeched to flee, but General Ginger did not move, but only said reproachfully:
– Can you really shoot the poor defenseless girl?
“No way,” the Soldier replied.
This example helped the guys see the absurdity of the situation. The schoolchildren began to think that, indeed, the girl who “fights” in this way is using dishonest methods.
Can you beat girls? It is impossible, but not because they are girls, but because, in principle, fighting is not very good. It’s okay to solve problems using words. You can fight, compete in strength for a total of
agreements. Moreover, such competitions, for example in arm wrestling, are also possible between boys and girls.Many girls are involved in sports and are no less strong than boys.
In this situation, the teacher behaved wisely. First, she noticed a problem. Secondly, she did not disregard her and did not consider her frivolous. Thirdly, I solved it. But it happens that adults are not so serious about the fact that girls bully boys.
The most common reaction of adults when a girl teases a boy is to say something like: “She liked you. She is so flirting, wants to attract attention.”In this case, the adult translates the relationship of children into another channel, the channel of inter-sex relations. But the boy who suffers from the attacks of the girl is unlikely to help. Thus, adults, preferring not to interfere in the relations of children, avoid the problem, hiding behind the shield “she likes you”, leaving the child alone with a difficult situation.
What happens next? In those schools where, in the elementary grades, girls ‘aggression was tacitly encouraged (or either parents or teachers simply did not pay attention to it) and was called “sympathy”, boys’ tension accumulates.At the end of elementary school, boys unexpectedly find a socially acceptable option to repulse the girls, throw away their accumulated aggression over the years: they begin to pull the girls by the pigtails, hit them on the head with a briefcase, etc. Again, adults find a simple explanation for the problem. They say to the girl, “Boys always pull the braids of the girls they like.” The girl can only endure such “courtship”, and now the boys continue to show aggression towards girls with impunity.
