Step 8: The Boy Scout Rule ~Robert C. Martin (Uncle Bob) | by Birat Rai
This is the Eighth Step towards gaining the Programming Enlightenment series. If you didn’t learn the Seventh step, read it.
“Leave Things BETTER than you found them.” ~ Robert Baden Powell
World would be a great place, if we all tried to leave things better than we found. It applies for the software too.
Software evolves radically and as it scales tech debt increases and maintenance nightmare starts. Developers leave and new one joins to maintain it. How many times we look a the git history and wished why someone didn’t maintained it. All wishes would have been true, had we all stuck to leaving the code better than before if not bad.
What is Boy Scout Rule?
The Boy Scouts have a rule: “Always leave the campground cleaner than you found it”.
How does it apply to programming?
No matter how much seasoned a programmer is, due to deadline constraints, we might end up adding tech debt. The must concern is that we do not add more smelling code.
As we check module to solve the bug or add new feature, we find out there is code smell. Whenever we see such smell, we should try to remove the rot, however small that could be. If all of the concerned developers followed this approach, the system would gradually get better and the relentless deterioration would stop.
The cleaning is to approach towards betterment not to perfection at each step.
Why follow Boy Scout Rule?
Developing software isn’t just applying the knowledge we learnt. It’s like a working with Bonsai tree, which must be pruned constantly and cared of. Caring for our own code is developers work, but caring and taking ownership of the team’s code is quite another.
TL;DR Continual Improvement is the way to learn and improve, be it as a developer or a software. Embrace Kaizen.
Go to the series.
Go to Seventh step.
Go to the Ninth Step.
Judge says he plans to rule for Boy Scouts on Girl Scouts’ trademark claims
The Cushman Watt Scout Center, headquarters of the Boy Scouts of America for the Los Angeles Area Council. REUTERS/Fred Prouser
- Law firms
- Related documents
- Girl Scouts sued Boy Scouts for using “Scouts” to advertise to girls
- BSA’s use of “Scouts” generally described new co-ed activities
- Judge says Girl Scouts can’t use TMs to prevent Boy Scouts from going co-ed
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(Reuters) – A Manhattan federal judge said Wednesday during a hearing that the Boy Scouts of America didn’t infringe the Girl Scouts’ trademarks by using the term “Scouting” to advertise to girls.
Senior U.S. District Judge Alvin Hellerstein in what he called “temporary findings,” said he planned to rule for the Boy Scouts on its summary judgment motion, finding the group can use the general word “Scouting” to describe its co-ed programs without causing confusion with the Girl Scouts.
“‘Boy Scouts’ is a brand, ‘Girl Scouts’ is a brand, but ‘Scouting’ alone is an activity,” Hellerstein said.
The Boy Scouts announced in 2017 it would allow girls to join, and unveiled an ad campaign promoting co-ed scouting called “Scout Me In” a year later. The Boy Scouts also announced in 2018 that it would change the name of its main scouting program to “Scouts BSA,” which it did in 2019.
The Girl Scouts sued the Boy Scouts for trademark infringement, among other things, in 2018, alleging the organization’s use of “Scouts” and “Scouting” to market to girls violates its trademark rights. The group alleged the rebrand threatened to “marginalize” it, and had already created confusion among families, schools and communities nationwide.
At Wednesday’s hearing, Rachel Kassabian of Quinn Emanuel Urquhart & Sullivan, who represents the Boy Scouts, called the lawsuit “an effort by the Girl Scouts to restrain competition and to pressure the BSA not to welcome girls,” and said it was driven by the Girl Scouts “not wanting to lose its perceived monopoly” over girl scouting.
Hellerstein expressed concern that the Girl Scouts had tried to use “a control over language to prevent another competitor from extending its services to become co-ed. “
“You can’t prevent the Boy Scouts from becoming co-ed, and you can’t prevent them from adopting a name that describes their new activity,” Hellerstein, who didn’t indicate when he would issue his final ruling, told Girl Scouts attorney Bruce Ewing of Dorsey & Whitney.
Ewing responded that the Girl Scouts weren’t trying to stop the Boy Scouts from offering services to girls, and only wanted to stop the Boy Scouts from causing confusion.
“The issue is unfair competition and the way in which Boy Scouts is marketing and branding its services – it is not doing so in a way that communicates to the public who the sponsor is and what the organization is, and the law allows a remedy for that,” Ewing said.
Both organizations have struggled with losing significant numbers of members recently. The Boy Scouts, which filed for bankruptcy last year, had said in its summary judgment motion that the Girl Scouts’ lawsuit was calculated to “put political pressure on the BSA at a time when GSUSA felt the BSA was vulnerable to attack. “
The Boy Scouts reached a deal on Tuesday with one of its primary insurers, The Hartford Financial Services Group Inc, which said it will contribute $787 million to compensate men who have filed sex abuse claims against the organization. The deal is subject to bankruptcy court approval and faces some opposition from certain groups of abuse claimants.
The case is Girl Scouts of the United States of America v. Boy Scouts of America, U.S. District Court for the Southern District of New York, No. 1:18-cv-10287.
For the Girl Scouts: Bruce Ewing of Dorsey & Whitney.
For the Boy Scouts: Rachel Kassabian of Quinn Emanuel Urquhart & Sullivan.
Manhattan court to hear Boy Scouts’ bid to escape Girl Scouts’ trademark claims
Girl Scouts sue Boy Scouts over trademark as boys welcome girlsBlake Brittain
Blake Brittain reports on intellectual property law, including patents, trademarks, copyrights and trade secrets. Reach him at [email protected]
“Girls Rule!” | Psychology Today
Source: Pixabay, CC0 Public Domain
I noticed a couple walking with a school-age boy and girl. The boy was wearing a nondescript shirt but the girl was wearing one that said, “Girls Rule!”
Of course, it’s possible the boy was oblivious to that but multiply that by the countless anti-male messages that bombard today’s boys. For example, all 10 of the all-time top box office children’s movies have female heroes and male inferiors. And following suit is the new blockbuster, Wonder Woman. TV sitcoms and dramas disproportionately portray spunky females showing The Way to inferior males. And then there are those consumer products, from tee shirts to bumper stickers. Here are a few anti-male phrases I’ve seen on the street. Haven’t you? Indeed, when I searched Amazon.com I found all of them emblazoned on thousands of products.
2,615 products state, “Girls Rule:” That includes 49 that say, “Girls rule, boys drool.” Here’s an example. How might your son feel on seeing that? Eight products bear the corollary, “Chicks Rule. Boys Make Good Pets.” A search of Amazon revealed only 15% as many “Boys Rule” products. But even that overstates the case. I examined the first 50: Only five actually said “Boys Rule.” The others were, for example, “Rules for Boys” and a parody showing idiotic male cartoon characters.
A Google search on the term “girls rule” yielded 384,000 hits.
16,309 products bear “Girl Power.” This one added two words “Mother Fu*king Girl Power.” Its sales rank is 1,060 among all female clothing and jewelry, with 75% of the Amazon user reviews being 5-star. Imagine your son seeing that? I searched on “Boy Power.” Not one product bears that phrase.
568 products are emblazoned “The Future is Female. ” Here’s one. (69% five-star Amazon user reviews.) How might your son feel on seeing that? How many products assert, “The Future is Male?” A total of one: a bodysuit for newborn boys.
For decades now, feminists and minority activists have insisted that words matter. That’s why they’ve installed watchdog groups to scrutinize for anti-female or anti-minority bias. So it’s reasonable that anti-male messages deserve some blame for the dramatic decline in boys’ performance. For example, a half-century ago, the ratio of college degree holders was 60/40 male. Now it’s 60/40 female. And teen boys are four times as likely as girls to die from suicide.
Shouldn’t the creators and distributors of anti-male material feel some responsibility? And look at yourself: Are you promoting merit-based fairness to both sexes?
The 2nd edition of The Best of Marty Nemko is available. You can reach career and personal coach Marty Nemko at [email protected]
Rule Changes and Clarifications – Little League
Tournament Player Eligibility – Allows players to be eligible for selection to a Tournament team based on age, not division of play during the Regular Season.
Tournament Player Eligibility – Revises Tournament Participation to be a set number of games a player must participate within to be eligible for selection to a Tournament team. Revisions have been made to the Tournament Injury Exception and Middle School/High School Condition 2.
Tournament Player Eligibility – Permits 12-year-olds, who have been assessed capable and meet Tournament Eligibility requirements, to be selected to a Senior Division Tournament team.
Tournament Player Eligibility – All Divisions of Baseball and Softball
Players are eligible for Tournament Play, provided they meet the criteria established by the Little League “Residency and School Attendance Player Eligibility Requirement,” “Player Participation In Other Programs,” and the following:
8-to 10-Year-Old Division – Any player League Age 8, 9 or 10, with amateur status, who has participated as required by Mandatory Play as an eligible player in 8 60 percent (60%) of the regular season games (Special Games may be counted toward this requirement – See Regulation IX) by the start of Tournament Play in their respective District, with the exception of the school baseball/softball season. , on a:
- Little League Baseball/Softball (Major Division) team, or;
- Minor League Baseball/Softball team.
9-to 11-Year-Old Division – Any player League Age 9, 10, or 11, with amateur status, who has participated as required by Mandatory Play as an eligible player in 8 60 percent (60%) of the regular season games (Special Games may be counted toward this requirement – See Regulation IX) by the start of Tournament Play in their respective District, with the exception of the school baseball/softball season., on a:
- Little League Baseball/Softball (Major Division) team, or;
- Minor League Baseball/Softball team.
Little League (Major Division) – Any player League Age 10, 11, or 12, with amateur status, who has participated as required by Mandatory Play as an eligible player in 8 60 percent (60%) of the regular season games (Special Games may be counted toward this requirement) by the start of Tournament Play in their respective District, with the exception of the school baseball/softball season. , on a:
- Little League Baseball/Softball (Major Division) team, or;
- Intermediate Baseball/Junior Softball team.
Intermediate (50-70) Division – Any player League Age 11, 12, or 13, with amateur status, who has participated as required by Mandatory Play as an eligible player in 8 60 percent (60%) of the regular season games (Special Games may be counted toward this requirement – See Regulation IX) in the Intermediate (50-70) Division by the start of Tournament Play in their respective District, with the exception of the school baseball season.
Junior League – Any player League Age 12, 13, or 14, with amateur status, who has participated as required by Mandatory Play as an eligible player in 8 60 percent (60%) of the regular season games (Special Games may be counted toward this requirement – See Regulation IX) by the start of Tournament Play in their respective District, with the exception of the middle school, junior high school, or high school baseball/softball season. , on a:
- Junior League Baseball/Softball team, or;
- Senior League Baseball/Softball team. [For Junior Tournament eligibility, Senior League players must have played in a minimum of eight (8) regular season games or 60 percent (60%) of the regular season games, whichever is greater.]
Senior League – Any player League Age 12, 13, 14, 15, or 16, with amateur status, who has participated as required by Mandatory Play as an eligible player in 6 60 percent (60%) of the regular season games (Special Games may be counted toward this requirement – See Regulation IX) by the start of Tournament Play in their respective District, with the exception of the middle school, junior high school, or high school baseball/softball season., on a:
- Junior League Baseball/Softball team, or;
- Senior League Baseball/Softball team.
Jiminy Peak Kid’s Rule
What Is KidsRule?
KidsRule aims to offer a fresh approach to kids ski and snowboard lessons – one where we provide a safe & fun learning experience within a friendly, skill driven, & confidence boosting environment that encourages a love for skiing & riding, as well as sparking a passion for being outdoors! To accomplish this, our Massachusetts kids ski lessons programs use our specially designed learning environment – Terrain Based Learning – as well as our trained & tested instructors. We aim to foster a love for skiing & snowboarding in kids aged 4 – 14. Our junior ski lessons are taught by some of the best skiing & snowboarding professionals in the business, with the goal of making our program the best children’s snowsports program in Massachusetts and Southern Vermont!
Currently, the Massachusets Dept of Health advises the use of a mask or face covering by all people, vaccinated or unvaccinated, when indoors. Please check back frequently for updates, as guidelines and operational procedures for our kids ski school may change at any time.
Our plans for KidsRule continue to evolve for the 2021 – 22 season. Our goal is to return to as “normal” as possible. We feel confident in our ability to provide a safe and healthy experience for both guests and staff, outdoors on the slopes. However, serving lunch indoors presents a challenge, due to space constraints. Therefore, KidsRule 2021-22 will not include lunch.
- Full day KidsRule sessions will be available 7 days a week, with hours of operation from 9:30 to 11:30 am, and resuming 1:00 – 3:30 pm. Parents will pick-up their child / chilren at 11:30 and provide lunch during the break. Our kids ski and snowboard lessons include a lift ticket, valid until 6 pm, instruction, and hot cocoa breaks.
- Advance purchase is strongly recommended for all KidsRule participants. Please use the Buy Now button below to reserve your child’s junior ski lesson spot.
- The KidsRule program is for children aged 4 -14.
- We have a special program for 3 year olds that includes a half day in KidsRule, and a half day in our supervised Cubs Den playroom. See the detailed information in the box below.
$189 Full-day kid’s ski school session.
- Rentals available for $30/day
KidsRule 6-Packs are back!
$945 prior to December 15, 2021 – Save $135
$1020 after December 15, 2021 – Save $60
- 6-Pack kids ski lesson vouchers are valid everyday, including weekends, Holidays, and during Holiday Periods.
- 6-Packs may be used for one child for 6 days or may be split between multiple children.
- 6-pack junior ski school vouchers do not include rentals. Rentals must be purchased separately, if needed.
- Reservations are required for 6-Pack redemption and must be made by calling 413.738.5500 x 6204.
Buy 6 Pack Now!
Our kids ski school works with some of the most devoted instructors in New England, let alone Massachusetts. Our junior ski lesson instructors are enthusiastic and love to ski/snowboard and share their love of it with their classes. To ensure your child gets the most out of their lesson as well as their safety, our KidsRule instructors have also been extensively trained and certified to work with children. They are sure to engage with your children and often are the highlight of their students’ day!
Take a Look at a Typical Junior Ski or Snowboard Lesson
No matter your child’s skill level, our kids ski and snowboard lessons will create a fun and educational experience that is sure to enhance their skills. To guarantee the best possible learning environment, children will be assigned to groups based on their ages and abilities. Please familiarize yourself with our Snowsports Level Chart to ensure your child is in the correct group for their ability.
Our ski and snowboard classes for kids will begin in our terrain based learning area located on the Chipmunk and Cricket slopes. Here they’ll learn the fundamentals including how to balance and proper stances. As the day progresses, children will also learn how to safely load and unload a chairlift and progress to more challenging trails and terrain.
Skills Highlighted in Kids Ski Lessons
Here are just a few of the important skills that are emphasized during our kids ski lessons:
- Standing Up
- Speed Control
Skills Highlighted in Kids Snowboard Lessons
Here are just a few of the important skills that are emphasized during our kids snowboard lessons:
- Standing Up
- Skating & Downhill Movement
- Toe-side & Heel-side Awareness
Ready to Introduce Your Child to A Lifetime on the Slopes?
With Jiminy’s kids ski school in Massachusetts, children will learn a sport that they will be able to enjoy for life and not just for a season or a certain period of their life. Once they learn they will be able to enjoy it forever and pass it down to their own children in the future. There are very few sports that you can say that about! Reserve their spot in our Massachusetts KidsRule junior ski lesson programs today!
For questions about KidsRule Mountain Camps, please email [email protected] or call 413.738.5500 ext. 6204. Sorry, we cannot take reservations via e-mail. All reservations must be made online or over the phone.
Please check back frequently for updates, as guidelines and operational procedures for our kids ski and snowboard lessons may change during the course of the season.
The One Rule For Boys by Dr. Max Wachtel
The One Rule For Boys
How Empathy And Emotional Understanding Will Improve Just About Everything For Your Son
Dr. Max Wachtel
Raising boys can be challenging at times.
Okay, most of the time. But it doesn’t have to be. The One Rule for Boys takes a practical approach to teaching boys the importance of regulating their own emotions and understanding the emotions of others. Yes, it’s a skill any boy can learn, and it will improve just about every area of his life. Rather than settling for the destructive and emotionally crippling boys-will-be-boys attitude, which leaves many of society’s boys aggressive, angry, and emotionally unprepared, Dr. Max Wachtel explains how teaching empathy skills to your boys prepares them for the complexities of modern life: school, friendships, bullying, careers, and relationships. Leadership, assertiveness, and treating women with respect―empathy improves all of these. It may even keep your boys from running over a horse on the side of the road (more on that in Chapter 3).
Far from turning boys into overly emotional pushovers, Dr. Max compiles information from countless studies demonstrating how emotional understanding actually helps boys improve their decision-making and assertiveness skills. By providing a step-by-step teaching guide, dozens of quick tips, and plenty of sample statements you can say to your boys when you are at a loss for words, Dr. Max has created a simple, practical, well-researched, and often very amusing book designed to help parents and educators teach empathy to their boys. His goal is to help parents guide their sons to reach their full potential in life and be part of a generation that changes the world for the better.
“A critically important topic… Intelligent content and fun to read.”
—Dr. Larry Epstein,
Clinical Instructor in
Dr. Max Wachtel is a forensic psychologist by training. He has worked with thousands of boys and men who are entangled in the legal system. In both his clinical experience and his work on television, he has seen first-hand the damage caused by a lack of empathy and emotional understanding in people’s lives. Through his detailed examination of several generations of psychological, educational, and parenting research, along with a great deal of reflective thought (which he explains in the book), Dr. Max has come to understand that, when boys are taught and encouraged to recognize and express their feelings, and to understand how other people feel―rather than being tough, unemotional, and clueless about the motivations of others―the world becomes a happier, healthier, and safer place. This was his motivation for writing The One Rule For Boys. His motivation for infusing the text with his own unique sense of humor was simple: academic psychology books are hopelessly boring.
And he couldn’t help himself.
Dr. Max, who was a professor at the University of Denver for 12 years, maintains an active clinical practice and is also the 9NEWS Psychologist for KUSA TV in Denver. He is an avid snowboarder and marathon runner, and is a huge fan of the Colorado Rockies (both the mountains and the baseball team). He lives with his wife, Kim, and his two children.
Google+: dr max wachtel
90,000 Psychological advice – Psychological advice
Parental Rules to Prevent Alcohol and Drug Use
As parents, we are responsible for setting the rules for our children to follow. This also applies to the use of alcohol and drugs, as they pose a serious threat to the well-being of the child. However, having such rules is only half the battle; we must be prepared to enforce punishment when the rules are broken.
1. Be realistic in setting the rules, explain the reasons for following them strictly. What they are and what behavior is expected. Explain the consequences of breaking the rules: what the penalty will be, how it will be applied, how long it will last, and what the penalty will achieve.
2. Be consistent. Explain to your child that the rule of not using alcohol and drugs remains in effect at all times – at home, away, on the street, wherever the child is.
Be reasonable and consistent. Do not add new consequences that were not discussed before the rule was broken. Avoid unrealistic threats like “Father will kill you when he comes …”. Try to react calmly and carry out the punishment the child expects to receive for breaking the rules.
As parents, we must have accurate and up-to-date drug information in order to pass it on to our children. Our opinion that “this is terrible, destructive” is not enough to help the child.We have knowledge about conventional drugs, their effect on the psyche and the person – this is already a reason for conversation and discussion with children. Well-informed parents are better able to recognize the symptoms of alcohol or drug problems if a child has them.
The parent must:
1. Have an understanding of the types of drugs and alcohol that are most common today and the dangers associated with each of them;
2.be able to recognize the means, devices and details for drug use;
3. know street, slang names for drugs;
4. know how they look;
5. be aware of indirect signs of alcohol and other psychoactive substances use and be on the lookout for changes in the child’s behavior and appearance;
6. Know how to help if you suspect your child is using alcohol or drugs.
Causes and symptoms
Why do people use drugs?
· Because it is affordable (a very profitable business to play on human weaknesses).
· Because we submit to pressure, we do not know how to resist.
· Because there is no solution of its own.
· Because critical thinking is lacking.
· Because we cannot cope with stress.
· Because it seems harmless, harmless.
· Because he does not understand his problems, in particular, we do not know how to communicate.
· Because we do not know how to assess the degree of risk, we do not know how to take care of ourselves.
· Because we do not know how to understand our feelings and the feelings of others, etc.
When can it be noticed?
· When indifference to everything that was interesting grows.
· When we see leaving home and truancy at school for unknown reasons.
· When we see an overly painful reaction to any criticism.
· When we see avoidance of contact with family.
· When school performance dropped sharply.
· When a request for money for one goal is constantly replaced by another.
· When valuables disappear from the house.
· When the phone calls frequently from unknown people.
· When the stay in the bathroom or toilet becomes excessively long.
· When telephone conversations become saturated with specific jargon.
· When musical preferences change dramatically.
· When we see memory impairment, the inability to concentrate.
· When we see frequent and abrupt changes in mood and activity.
· When increased fatigue is replaced by indomitable energy.
· When we see excessive pallor of the skin.
· When we see pupils dilated or narrowed to the point.
· When we see reddened eyelids and eyes.
· When we hear slowed down or sharply accelerated speech.
· When we see a sharp weight loss with fluctuations in appetite.
· When we occasionally see symptoms that pass quickly, like a cold or flu.
· When a chronic cough appeared.
· When we observe disordered coordination of movements.
· When we see injection marks, cuts, bruises, infiltrates and abscesses at the injection sites.
· When we find syringes, incomprehensible powders, small boxes, capsules, pieces of paper rolled into tubes, burnt metal dishes and spoons.
· When laboratory tests indicate a positive result.
What to do?
Carefully observe, if you are not sure – accumulate facts, discuss them with your child, contact a specialist alone or together.Find what you can change in your behavior to influence the situation. Try to be as consistent as possible. Involve possible allies in solving the problem.
What not to do !!!
Don’t panic, lecture, threaten, intimidate, be overly anxious, or lose self-control. Do not demand promises that this is the last time. Don’t count on complete sincerity. Don’t expect immediate changes in your child’s behavior.Do not blame yourself and others. Do not promise unrealistic measures.
Educator-psychologist A.V. Ivanova
90,000 practical recommendations for caring parents
What is laziness
Explanatory Dictionary of V.I. Dahl defines laziness as “aversion from work, work, occupation; a tendency to idleness and parasitism. ” The scientist clearly did not have a love for laziness and considered it a vice.
Biologists give a more neutral definition, calling laziness an excessive implementation of the principle of conservation of vital energy.And historians-anthropologists consider laziness to be one of the reasons for scientific and technological progress.
From the point of view of psychology, laziness is only a symptom, and the motives for unwillingness to act lie deeper. Laziness is even divided into several types depending on the cause of its occurrence: lack of motivation, psychophysiological characteristics of a person, banal fatigue.
Laziness in a child
Often parents complain about their children that they are lazy, and everyone puts something of their own into this concept: they do not want to study and do their homework, do not play sports, do not read books, do not help with their homework chores and washing dishes, postpones things for later.Many parents do not try to understand the situation and believe that children’s laziness is to blame for poor grades and an uncleaned room. However, do not forget that children are by nature very active and inquisitive, so do not look for ways to deal with laziness, but try to find out its causes.
How to recognize laziness
In the fight against laziness, the same rule applies as in the fight against any ailment: in order to choose the right treatment, you must first diagnose it. Before giving different “recipes against laziness”, we will voice two rules for its recognition.
1. Consider age before starting to fight laziness in a child. From 7 to 12 years old, reluctance to learn can be caused by a banal lack of habit or absent-mindedness. From 12 to 16 years of age, laziness most often has psychological reasons: self-doubt, lack of motivation.
2. Talk to the child. Turn on active listening and ask your child why he is postponing or refusing to do something. Pay close attention to his words and reasoning, show that you are sincerely interested in his life.
There is no healing pill for laziness that can be “assigned” to a child and forget about the problem. Fighting laziness in a teenager especially takes time, so don’t expect quick results. But the game is worth the candle.
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Common reasons for children’s laziness
Today’s student has a day scheduled literally by the minute – online classes, workouts, hobby groups, chatting with friends, and so on. The older the student, the tighter the schedule, which can lead to laziness in the teenager. If you see that your child is reluctant to take a new language course or additional assignments from a tutor, think if he is too overwhelmed?
In the child’s schedule, no matter how old he is and no matter how versatile his interests are, there must be time for rest. And for the rest that he likes. Even if a teenager is just lying on the couch, you should not reproach him, throw him out into the street or force him to read a book.
Source: freepik.com / @photoroyalty
Here’s how to deal with the student’s laziness caused by workload:
- Observe the child’s schedule for several days.Does he have enough time to rest? If not, the schedule should be revised.
- Get your sleep and rest in order. For proper development, a child of 8-13 years old needs at least nine hours of sleep, and a teenager 14-18 years old needs at least eight hours. Healthy eating and outdoor walks (at least an hour a day) are also important. If these conditions are not met, the body can react in the form of laziness and apathy.
- Help your teen organize their day. Teach him to keep a diary, make to-do lists, and prioritize.At the senior school age, you can introduce more complex time management tools: strategic planning, applications for counting time and increasing efficiency.
This cause of laziness in children is characteristic of primary and secondary school age. Especially if the child was not taught to work, was not involved in housework or doing errands. From adolescents, after whom everything is done by adults, unfortunately, parasitic personalities often grow up.
Stanford professor Kelly McGonigal compares willpower to muscle. And only regular training helps to develop muscles, one desire is not enough here.
Source: freepik.com / @serhii_bobyk
- Do not insult or ridicule the child. If you constantly refer to a teenager as a quitter, he will willingly follow this role. Remember muscles: athletes are constantly training, and not engaged in self-flagellation.
- Encourage your child to play sports.Sport develops the habit of overcoming oneself, striving for results, and working with dedication. It is important to choose a sport that you like and can do.
- Create habits. Doing something regularly is another way to train and strengthen that willpower muscle. Do not immediately agitate your child to run in the morning – start with small, simple habits. For example, five minutes of exercise in the morning, contrast shower, weekly cleaning of the room. The main thing is not duration, but regularity in the fight against laziness.
- Consider the individual characteristics of the child. Among children, as well as among adults, there are owls and larks, sanguine and phlegmatic people. For a choleric person, for example, it is difficult to do painstaking work, and it is difficult for an owl to perceive new material in the morning. Try to direct the characteristics of your child’s biorhythms and temperament for his good.
- Make an individual plan for developing willpower in a lazy teenager. Only necessarily together with the child. After all, we are talking about his strength and his will.As with time management, tools need to be matched by age.
“Nothing in the world can replace tenacity. He cannot be replaced by talent – you will not meet anyone as often as a talented loser. It cannot be replaced by genius – unrecognized geniuses have almost become a proverb. Education alone is not enough either – the world is full of educated outcasts. Only persistence and determination are omnipotent. The phrase “work on” was and remains the solution to all the problems of the human race. ”
Calvin Coolidge, 30th US President
Lack of motivation
Neither time management nor the most correct regime will help if a person does not like what he is doing.Motivation is the key to a person’s success in any business, and its level can be influenced.
- Help your child focus on what interests him. Have a heart-to-heart talk and listen carefully, and then think about how to align your child’s education with his interests. Foxford’s online home school has individual learning paths: mathematics, physics and mathematics, technology, humanities and linguistics, and others. In them, the student can dive deeper into those objects in which he feels like a fish in water.And a tutor helps to choose a profile that matches the hobbies and abilities of the child. This is a specialist in the field of career guidance and building resource maps. When a child is engaged in what he is successful in and what he likes, he forms “zones of success” that balance the dislike of certain subjects, and this helps to fight laziness in the teenager.
- If your child is too lazy to learn, explain the importance of a comprehensive education. Zones of success are great, but nobody canceled the USE in mathematics for the humanities.At least at a basic level, but this science needs to be mastered by everyone. Teens sometimes take education too literally: “If I have already decided that I will make music, why should I be able to solve equations?” It is important to explain the meaning and benefits of the unloved subject. You can stock up on arguments in favor of a particular discipline in TED video lectures.
- Give correct examples. This method is well suited for lazy teenagers who, due to problems with peers, falling in love and other worries, may be completely motivated to study.Teenagers love success stories and admire people who have accomplished a lot in their field. For example, the engineering genius Elon Musk, despite his busy schedule, constantly devotes time to self-education and reading books. Popular actress Emma Watson put her acting career on hold in order to graduate from university. Billionaire Richard Branson calls reading books every day the best investment in yourself. Show on the biographies of popular people that a love of knowledge and self-development is an indispensable companion of success.
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Fear of failure
Sometimes a teenager’s laziness hides the fear of failure: the child is afraid of losing, not coping and prefers to just do nothing. The habit of “bury one’s head in the sand” will bring more and more problems over the years, so it is urgent to get rid of it.
- Enlist the support of a person who is authoritative for the child. If for a schoolchild of 10-12 years old you are still the wisest and most knowledgeable, then a teenager 13-16 years old is often more influenced by older brothers and sisters, adult friends, counselors in the camp.At Foxford’s online home school, mentors come to the rescue. As a rule, these are students and recent university graduates who constantly interact with children. It is not uncommon for mentors to become friends and role models. Support, sincere praise and interest from such a person will help to raise the child’s self-esteem and cope with his laziness.
- Talk to a psychologist. A specialist will help you understand the causes of procrastination and effectively fight the laziness of a teenager. Foxford’s online home school also has its own psychologist who can help your child analyze and optimize their learning process.
- Support your child. There is no substitute for parental attention. No matter how busy you are with your work, be sure to find a couple of hours to communicate with your child, be sincerely interested in his success and listen carefully to his stories.
- Tell us about the benefits of failure. All human history suggests: success is achieved not by those who make the least mistakes, but by those who are not afraid of mistakes and learn from them.
“Success is the ability to go from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm”, Sir Winston Churchill, Prime Minister of Great Britain
Finally, we will repeat the main theses of what to do if the child is lazy:
Before than to fight with laziness, you need to understand the reasons for its occurrence.
Success in teaching you and your child!
Recommendations of a teacher-psychologist to parents of adolescents
Dear fathers and mothers!
Your child is entering the stage of his physiological maturation. This age is often called difficult, and in general this period is called the age of the second crisis. The main reason is physiological discomfort due to the active restructuring of a growing organism, which entails psychological breakdowns. This makes certain changes in his character, relationships with people around him and peers. Obvious physical maturation changes the child’s outlook on life, his value orientations.
However, the importance of the family for your child during this period of time is enduring. He, more than ever, needs your attention, warmth and care, understanding and trust.
A teenager is inherent in:
Ó craving for romance and self-affirmation, finding out their capabilities and abilities are sometimes on the verge of risk;
Ó frequent mood swings, unreasonable resentment, sadness, tears;
Ó heightened emotional reaction even to minor events;
Ó striving to establish friendly relations with children of their own age or older, joining criminal groups;
Ó defending, sometimes meaningless, their position, including the wrong one;
Ó manifestation of a critical attitude towards previously authoritative adults, whose opinion is neglected in favor of peers;
Ó a demonstratively dismissive or condescending attitude towards younger ones, as well as representatives of the opposite sex, which is a sign of awakening interest.
How to Become the Ideal Parent of a Teenager
Ó Living in a family with a teenager is like a pair dance with a change of roles. You act in the role of a leader, then in the role of a follower, then in the role of authority, then in the role of a “teapot” who does not understand anything in the modern youth subculture. Moreover, these roles are not masks (the main thing is not to “play” anything), but the parent’s real willingness to adapt to a constantly changing situation and mood, a flexible position in relation to the opinions and views of his own child and respect for ANOTHER individual personality.
Ó You will have to admit that the period of “unquestioned parental authority” will never return, so stop commanding and leading. This is an absolutely losing strategy for a relationship with any teenager. Try again
to “earn” the former authority. On this path, it is necessary to be guided by the fact that the child no longer believes in abstract words and declarations, he ANALYZES your actions, strategies, status.
Ó Try not only to listen to the child, but also to observe his reactions.Sometimes his posture, gestures and facial expressions speak better of his condition than the usual verbal (verbal) adolescent protest. Ask yourself the question: “WHY does he react so inadequately?”, “What can I do to smooth out the opposition?” Believe me, he doesn’t want to fight, he wants to figure it out and invites you to follow him.
Ó Do not plan a specific result of “educational influence”, and do not dwell on it. He will still be different. After all, this is a PAIRED dance of relationships (see.p. 1). You conceived one thing, but it turned out quite different – rejoice. Your child has saved you one more stereotype. Thus, it promotes your personal growth by provoking a spontaneous response.
Ó Remember that one of the characteristics of adolescence is the need for risk, sometimes not very justified, dictated by the desire to assert itself. If you haven’t learned it yet, the time has come. Do not be afraid to take risks with your child, but on your own territory. The more persistent and resourceful you are in your desire to try NEW ways of interacting with your child, the sooner you will start speaking the same language
.The main thing is to make sure that the teenager does not cease to be amazed at your ingenuity.
Ó Maintain a sense of humor and try to convey to your child at least a small part of your optimism. The fact is that all the changes that take place with him, both physical and spiritual, your teenager perceives very tragically. If you yourself also begin to get stuck in the analysis and analysis of children’s problems and the prospects for their solution, then the situation at home becomes like a continuous production meeting.In order to better see the situation, step back from it and try to look at it with a fair amount of humor. “The big is seen at a distance”, preferably from a lighter and more optimistic position. You should not joke about the teenager’s emotions, it is much more effective to mock the situation itself. A joke will help defuse the situation a little.
Ó Try to “filter” the information that comes to you from the media and literature on adolescence. First, she herself is far from ideal in terms of the depth of analysis.Secondly, “horror stories” have become a good form of publications in recent years. Believe me, not everything that you have read applies specifically to your child. Try, as it were, to try on what you read on it, and you will see that the “suit” does not always fit. Not all “horror movies” that happen to teenagers need to happen to your child.
Ó Remember those family values and traditions that exist in your family. Analyze what of this baggage has become common for you and your child, and where there is an obvious divide.It will be a juxtaposition and comparison of two points of view on the eternal value question: “What is good and what is bad?” Moral, ethical and ethical values cannot be mechanically conveyed, let alone imposed, they are formed and become their own or remain aliens throughout childhood. And if some value orientations that are very significant for you turned out to be on the list of strangers for the child, do not grab your head and do not “saw”. Think not how to tell and declare, but how to show and convince of the benefits of a particular quality or property.Analyze what you could borrow from your child, what you could learn.
Ó One of the main aspirations of a teenager is the desire for independence. But independence presupposes full responsibility for oneself and the feasible for the life of the family. The main problem is that a teenager seeks responsibility only where it is beneficial to him. Your task is to learn how to share your responsibility with him in other “unprofitable”, at first glance, areas. You need to make him understand that everything that happens in his life and in the life of his family now happens not only thanks to you or through your fault, as it was in early childhood, but also thanks to / in spite of his actions.
Ó A teenager is not clay, and you are not a sculptor either. Unfortunately, you cannot sculpt a sculpture of an “ideal” child, embodying all your aspirations, dreams, fantasies and ambitions, out of a real son or daughter. He has a completely different “ideal – I”. Your goal is to help him change and grow up, based on his real aspirations and goals.
Ó Help your child take concrete steps towards their goals. This is very important for self-determination. Since in adolescence, goals are global, and opportunities are still a little behind, then his “ideal” may remain in the field of dreams of the impossible.Help your child to believe in themselves, and, if necessary, develop together a strategy for achieving the result. Remember that the leading role in such work and responsibility for it belongs to him, you are only an “aksakal”, able to share your own experience at the request of the child.
Ó Adolescence is such an intense stage of changes in a child’s life that he absorbs it entirely. Give the teenager the opportunity to feel the continuity of life and the continuity of changes and self-development, and this stage is just another, perhaps the most difficult and real, step to adulthood.Show the interconnection and mutual influence of children’s life experience (past), violent changes
(present), and self-determination (future), because a life scenario is a result that combines all the components.
Ó Teach your child not to be afraid of his own mistakes and treat them as, perhaps, not the most pleasant experience for later analysis. The banal expression “only the one who does nothing is not mistaken” helps to realize this. It is advisable to show the experience of “ups and downs” on examples from one’s own life and the lives of other people who are significant for the child, and not on constant pronouncing and endless
Ó Draw the attention of the teenager to the fact that any person is characterized by internal contradiction, ambiguity, conflict of desires and motives of behavior. The concepts of good – evil, loser – winner, freedom – dependence, will – lack of will, truth – lie, etc. sometimes they are so relative, ambiguous and unstable that each new situation in the life of an adult requires their verification, analysis, and sometimes a complete revision. Then it is already easier to deal with them, since they move from a number of unique and personal problems to the rank of universal ones.The “everyone goes through this” position is much less vulnerable and more protected than the “I’m so inconsistent” position.
Ó Self-knowledge is the prerogative of any thinking and feeling person, no matter what his age and status. The feelings and emotions associated with this, which first arose, are only a starting point, a starting point on this long, difficult, but so exciting path.
10 Tips for Parents of Teenagers
- As adolescents, children begin to evaluate the life of their parents.Teenagers, especially girls, discuss the behavior, actions, appearance of moms and dads, teachers, acquaintances. And they constantly compare. At some point, the result of this comparison will affect your relationship with your son or daughter. It can be both pleasant and unpleasant for you. So, if you do not want to lose face, start preparing for this assessment as early as possible.
- The main thing in your relationship with your child is mutual understanding. To establish it, you must be proactive and not harbor grudges.One should not, both follow the lead of the child’s momentary desires, and always resist them. But if you cannot or do not consider it necessary to fulfill the desire of your son or daughter, you need to explain why. And in general, talk more with your children, talk about your work, discuss with them their affairs, toy or educational, know their interests and concerns, friends and teachers. Children should feel that you love them, that in any situation they can count on your advice and help and not be afraid of ridicule or neglect.
Maintain the confidence of children in themselves, in their abilities, that even with certain shortcomings (which everyone has) they have their own indisputable advantages. The parents’ strategy is to form a position of confidence in the child: “everything depends on me, the reason for failure or success is in me. I can achieve a lot and change everything if I change myself. ”
In the educational process, confrontation, the struggle between the teacher and the pupil, the opposition of forces and positions are unacceptable.Only cooperation, patience and a keen participation of the educator in the fate of the pupil give positive results.
- Surprise – it will be remembered! Anyone who makes an unexpected and powerful impression becomes interesting and authoritative. What attracts a child to an adult? Strength, but not violence. Knowledge – remember, for example, the age-old “why?” in babies. To what share of them did you manage to answer clearly and fully? Mind – it is in adolescence that the opportunity arises to evaluate it.Skills – dad knows how to ski, fix TV, drive a car … And mom draws, prepares delicious pies, tells fairy tales … Appearance – girls appreciate it more. The life of parents, their habits, views have a much greater influence on the child than long moral conversations. Your income is also important for teenagers. If you are competitive in this area, think ahead of what you can put on the other side of the scale when your grown-up child confronts you with this problem.
- Do you want your child to be strong and healthy? Then learn for yourself and teach him the basics of knowledge about your body, about ways to maintain and improve health. This does not mean that you have to master the doctor’s arsenal and the prescription of various medications. Medicines are just “first aid” in cases when the body cannot cope on its own. Even Tissot asserted: “Movement as such can in its action replace all medicines, but all the remedies in the world are not able to replace the action of movement.”The main thing is to teach the body to cope with stress, primarily physical, because they train not only muscles, but all vital systems. This work is considerable and regular, but for this the person is given a “feeling of muscle joy”, as the great doctor and teacher P.F. Lesgaft. Of course, physical and any other activity should correspond to the age capabilities of the child.
By the way, only physical exercise, including in physical education lessons, can mitigate the harm from sitting at a desk for many hours.So do not rush to free your child from physical education. It will not even bring him temporary relief in a busy school life. Even if he has a chronic illness (and even more so!), He needs to do physical education, only according to a special program.
And it is absolutely necessary that the child understands: there is no happiness without health.
- How much time per week do you spend with your children? According to opinion polls, most adults, on average, devote no more than 1.5 hours a week to children! And how can we squeeze in heart-to-heart conversations, going to the theater and nature, reading books and other common things? Of course, this is not the fault, but the misfortune of most parents, who have to spend all day at work in order to fill the family’s budget.But children should not be left to their own devices. It is good if there are grandparents who are able to take on some of the problems of upbringing. And if they are not? Be sure to consider what your child will do during the hours free from school and lesson preparation. Sports sections (do not forget to talk to the coach yourself) will not only take time, but will help to improve health and develop motor skills and abilities. In the children’s art house, you can learn to sew, build airplanes, write poetry. Let the child have the freedom to choose an occupation, but he must firmly know: he has no time for idleness and boredom.
- Take care of your child’s health and yours, learn to play sports with him, go on vacation, go hiking. What a delight a child experiences from an ordinary sausage fried over a fire, from a crumbled piece of black bread that was found in a bag after returning from the forest, where you gathered mushrooms together. And a day spent in the garage with his father repairing a car will seem to the boy a holiday more important than riding in the park on the “coolest” attraction. Just do not miss the moment while the child is interested.
The same goes for the household habits. The little one is interested in washing the dishes himself, peeling potatoes, baking a pie with his mother. And this is also an opportunity to talk, tell, listen. We missed this moment – “saved” the child so that his hands would not get dirty, that’s all – the assistant was lost forever.
- The desire of adults to avoid talking to children about certain topics teaches them to think that these topics are forbidden. Evasive or distorted information causes unwarranted anxiety in children.And at the same time, it is not necessary to give children the information that they do not ask about, with which they cannot yet emotionally cope, which they are not ready to comprehend. The best option is to provide simple and direct answers to children’s questions. So the parents themselves need to develop comprehensively – not only in their specialty, but also in the field of politics, art, general culture, in order to be an example of morality for children, a bearer of human dignity and values.
- Do not overly protect adolescents from family problems, both psychological (even if there is a misfortune, someone’s illness or death – this hardens the soul and makes it more sensitive), and material (it teaches you to find a way out).A teenager needs positive and negative emotions. For the successful development of a child, it is useful to occasionally deny him something, to limit his desires, thereby preparing for overcoming similar situations in the future. It is the ability to cope with adversity that helps a teenager develop as a person. The role of an adult is, first of all, to help a child become an adult, that is, to teach him to resist reality, and not to run away from it. By fencing a child off from the real world, even with the best intentions, parents deprive him of the opportunity to gain life experience, to find his own path.
Never lie to your child, even if it is dictated by your best beliefs and concern for his peace and well-being. Children in some unknown way sense lies in any form. And the one who cheated once or twice, no longer has to wait for trust.
- If you have already made mistakes in upbringing, it will be more difficult for you than at the beginning. But if in your child you reveal at least a drop of good and then rely on this good in the process of upbringing, you will receive the key to his soul and achieve good results.
Such simple and succinct advice to educators can be found in old pedagogical manuals. Wise teachers persistently seek, even in a poorly educated person, those positive qualities, relying on which one can achieve sustainable success in the formation of all others.
- If you realized that you were wrong, neglected the opinion of your son or daughter in any important issues for them, do not be afraid to admit this first to yourself, and then to your child. And try not to repeat this mistake again.It is easy to lose trust, but it is long and difficult to restore it.
How to build a relationship with a teenager
To successfully survive all the adventures of adolescence, both parents and teenagers need to have a good idea of how to get out of critical situations. During this period, everyone in the family begins to see others in a new way, everyone should, as it were, get to know each other anew. Whether you get through this stage with the least loss will depend on what prevails in the family – love or fear.
In order to lay the foundation for future changes in your relationship with your teenager, we suggest the following:
Ó As a parent, you must clearly communicate your fears and concerns to your teenager so that he can understand you.
Ó You, as a teenager, should honestly talk about what is happening to you and try to make people believe you. You should also talk about your fears and know that you will be listened to without criticism or judgment.
Ó You, the parent, must show your willingness to listen and understand.Understanding does not mean forgiveness at all. It simply creates a solid foundation on which to build future relationships.
Ó As a teenager, you should explain to your parents that you need them to listen to you without giving advice until you ask them to do so.
Ó As a parent, you should understand that a teenager does not have to follow your advice.
Only when all this is taken into account is it possible for a meaningful dialogue between two equal people and in the future the development of new constructive forms of behavior.
Conversation with a teenager in an adult language
Parents often face the problem that in adolescence, children become more withdrawn, unmanageable and deliberately contradict adults. This is often due to the fact that parents are too worried about their children: for their safety, or, for example, academic performance. But children have already grown up and are learning to take responsibility for their decisions. Teenagers would like to ask their parents for advice on how best to implement their own ideas and solutions.They want to communicate with their parents on an equal footing. But often parents, worrying about their children, try to control all the actions of adolescents. Children, counting on the help of their parents, face many prohibitions and perceive this as mistrust. Therefore, it is necessary and very important to find the strength in yourself to admit that your teenager has already grown up and is worthy to speak with you in the “adult language”.
Recommendations for parents
Of course, everything depends on the specific situation and the method of influencing the teenager must be selected individually.We offer several options:
Ó Create a non-standard situation when a teenager expects resistance, distrust on your part, and in return receives sincerity and help in solving his problems.
Ó Support one of the teenager’s hobbies, guiding it wherever possible (for example, if a teenager is experimenting with explosives, give him the no-hazardous experiment kit
“Young Chemist” and provide a place to study). It is also important that parents show their interest in their children’s hobbies.
Ó Establish a family tradition where the family, getting together in the evening, shares the events that happened to each of them during the day.
Advice from a psychologist to parents of teenagers
Ó Appreciate the frankness of your children, sincerely take an interest in their problems.
Ó Communicate as equals, the tone of the order will not work in your favor. Make it clear that you understand them.
Ó You cannot make fun of them, make fun of feelings, belittling their significance.Try to treat your children with respect, remember their vulnerability and vulnerability.
Ó Do not be irritated and do not show aggressiveness, be calm, restrained. Remember that your rudeness will cause them to react.
Ó Do not talk about the object of your child’s attraction in a dismissive, offensive tone, thereby you will humiliate him.
Ó In no case should you rudely and categorically break off the relationship of adolescents, because they are just learning to communicate with each other and most often do not even think about anything bad.
Ó Invite his (her) girlfriend (friend) to you, get acquainted – this will allow you to get an objective, more believable, and not unfounded idea of who your child is dating. Better if you allow them to meet at home so that they do not have to look for random and questionable dating havens.
Ó Tell them about yourself, your first love story – this will help you find mutual understanding with your child.
Ó If you manage to establish friendly relations with him, you will be able not only to control his behavior, but also to influence his actions.
Ó Let the teenager independently figure out the object of his affection, and if he has disappointment in his feelings, let it come not from you, but from himself. He will feel that he is able to independently understand the situation and make decisions.
Ó Remember that, on the one hand, a teenager desperately needs the help of his parents, faced with many problems, and on the other hand, he seeks to protect his inner world of intimate experiences from an unceremonious and rude intrusion, and he has every right to do so.
Types of conflicts and ways to overcome them
Not everything that you and I in everyday life habitually denote by the word
“conflict” (quarrels, misunderstandings, disagreements, misunderstandings) is in fact …
Conflict is a special relationship between people, built on an objective contradiction of their interests, aspirations, values, which are experienced by the participants as a kind of negative emotional state.
- A conflict arises where and only where people cannot simultaneously realize their goals, since, for example, they claim the same object, or there are enough funds to satisfy the goals of only one person, or the achievement of goals by one automatically means defeat another.
- When getting into a situation of objective contradiction, many people, and this is normal, cease to perceive it as detached, and begin to experience, and not just something, but mostly negative emotions: fear, anger, irritation, resentment, indignation, rage – a psychological conflict.
The position of a teenager in the family and relations with parents
The main problem that teenagers face is the problem of relations with their parents. The attitude of parents towards children is directly proportional to the age of the children: the older the child, the more complex the relationship.
Depending on the prevailing situation, all families can be divided into five groups:
- Families in which there is a very close, friendly relationship between children and parents.
- Families with a friendly atmosphere.
- Families where parents pay sufficient attention to children’s education, their everyday life, but this is limited. Parents neglect children’s hobbies.
- Families where parents put their child under surveillance, do not trust him, use assault.
- Families with a critical situation. Drinking parents (one or both).
Types of conflicts and ways to overcome them
- Conflict unstable parental perception.
The teenager is no longer a child, but not yet an adult.Naturally, the status of a teenager in the family and society has not been established. Sometimes he behaves like an adult, that is, he criticizes, demands respect. But sometimes he, like a child, forgets everything, throws things around, etc. As a result, positive qualities are underestimated, but imperfections appear.
Recommendations for parents:
Ó realize the contradictory nature of your feelings;
Ó extinguish your dissatisfaction and irritation;
Ó objectively assess the strengths and weaknesses of the teenager;
Ó Balance the system of responsibilities and rights.
- Parental dictatorship.
Family dictatorship is a form of control in which some family members are suppressed by others. Independence, self-esteem is suppressed. Parents invade the territory of adolescents, into their soul.
Undoubtedly, parents should and can make demands on the child, but it is necessary to make morally justified decisions. Combine demands with trust and respect. Parents who act on a teenager with orders and violence will inevitably face resistance, which is most often expressed in rudeness, hypocrisy, deception, and sometimes outright hatred.The child is deprived of the right to choose, opinion, voice and live according to the principle: “who is stronger, he is right.”
Recommendations for parents:
Ó do not enter the room without knocking or in the absence of the owner;
Ó do not touch personal belongings;
Ó do not eavesdrop on telephone conversations;
Ó leave it to the teenager to choose friends, clothes, music, etc .;
Ó do not punish physically, do not humiliate.
- Peaceful coexistence is an open conflict.
The position of non-interference reigns here. The situation looks quite decent. Nobody oversteps the ban. Everyone has their own successes, problems, victories. Parents take pride in maintaining this neutrality. They think that such a relationship fosters independence, freedom, and relaxedness. As a result, it turns out that the family
does not exist for the child. At a critical moment – trouble, illness, difficulties – when participation, good feelings is required from him, the teenager will not experience anything, since this will not concern him personally.
Upbringing without prohibitions, setting parents on children’s “freedom” endlessly and without edge, eliminating brakes, restrictions and obligations to obey moral duty or elementary rules of communication as a whole has a detrimental effect on the formation of personality.
Recommendations for parents:
Ó change communication tactics;
Ó establish a system of prohibitions and join yourself in the life of a teenager;
Ó help him participate in family life;
Ó Create a family council that will address many of the problems of the whole family.
- Conflict custody.
Guardianship is care, protection from difficulties, participation. Teenagers here are inactive, submissive, depressed. Subsequently, the child commands his parents, forcing, as it was before, to fulfill all his desires. But the “despotism” of a teenager is rare. More often it is an overly obedient child. The result is a protest. Moreover, the form of protest can be different – from cold politeness to active resistance. These children are unhappy among their peers, they are not ready for the hardships of life, since no one except loved ones will “lay straws” for them.
Recommendations for parents:
Ó try to change your behavior;
Ó do not give up control, but keep guardianship to a minimum;
Ó do not demand the right actions from the child, accept him as he is;
Ó help, but do not solve all problems for him;
Ó stimulate communication between the child and peers;
Ó Dose guardianship, praise and censure.
- Parental Authority Conflict. “Shock therapy”.
Children in such families are brought up painstakingly, trying to make them geeks. They notice any mistake, pay attention to it, punish it with disrespect. Conduct conversations on educational topics, not giving the opportunity to defend their opinion. They constantly demand perfection from the child. They do not notice success and are never praised for good deeds, they do not encourage them.
The child feels insecure, resentment and rage seizes him, but the teenager realizes that he is powerless.There is a thought about hopelessness, meaninglessness of one’s own life (suicide). Or everything is like in a war. The forces of the parties (parents and children) practically become equal: for rudeness – rudeness, for gloating – gloating, etc.
Recommendations for parents:
Ó change your attitude towards your child;
Ó Become more tolerant of the adolescent’s shortcomings;
Ó restore the child’s trust and respect for himself;
Ó find and develop in the child those virtues that are inherent in his nature;
Ó do not humiliate, but support;
Ó do not enter into endless disputes, do not allow a tacit, “cold” war;
Ó assure the child that you will always love him, that you are proud of that and that which is lacking in you;
Ó understand that it is difficult for him.
The optimal type of family is partnership.
Ó Do not protect the child from the sorrows and joys of an adult, but make them accomplices in your experiences. Do it directly, boldly, giving accessible explanations;
Ó do not intimidate, do not exaggerate, share your hopes;
Ó everything should be common: joy, tears, and laughter;
Ó equal participation in all councils, decisions of the family;
Ó restrictions and incentives are discussed together, the child also expresses his opinion.
How to communicate with your child so that he trusts you
Children often refuse to share their inner problems with their parents. Children learn that talking to their parents is useless and even unsafe. Many parents believe that if they fully accept their child, then he will remain as he is, and the best way to change the child is to tell him what you do not like about him, and criticism, moralizing, orders are widely used for this. and persuasion.
This leads to the fact that the child turns away from his parents, stops talking to them, keeps his feelings and problems to himself. It is not enough just to talk to your child, the important thing is how you talk to him.
For example, if a child says, “I don’t want to go to school. All that is taught there is a bunch of unnecessary facts. You can do without them, ”and you answer him:“ We all once felt the same about school – this will pass. ”
The child can “hear” any (or all) of the hidden message:
û “You don’t think my feelings are important”.
û “You do not accept me with these feelings of mine.”
û “You feel that it’s not about the school, but about me.”
û “You don’t take me seriously.”
û “You don’t care how I feel.”
What are the alternative answers?
One of the most effective ways to respond to a child’s message about feelings or concerns is by encouraging them to say more. For example: “Tell me about it”, “I want to hear about it”, “I am interested in your point of view”, “Let’s discuss it”, “It seems that this is important to you”.Or simpler phrases: “I see”, “Interesting”,
“Really?”, “Really?”, “You’re not kidding,” etc.
It makes the child understand that he is accepted and respected as a person, his opinions and feelings are important and prices for you. Choose the right tone and do not answer categorically or sarcastically – children may perceive this as disregard for their personality. Keep in mind that when a person “speaks out” about a problem, they often find a better solution than when they just think about it.
Pay attention not only to what the child is saying, but also to the expression on his face, gestures, and posture.
Express your support and encouragement with more than words. It could be your smile, a pat on the shoulder, a nod of your head, a look in your eyes, or touching a child.
If you are insincere in a conversation with a child, he will feel it and the conversation will be useless. Remember:
- You must want to hear what the child is saying. This means you want to take the time to listen. If you don’t have time, you have to say so.
- You must sincerely want to help him with his problem at this time.If you don’t want to, wait until you want.
- You should sincerely be able to accept his feelings, whatever they may be, and however different from yours.
- You must have a deep sense of trust in your child in that he can play off his feelings, look for solutions to his problems. You will develop this trust by watching your child solve their problems.
- No need to be afraid of expressing feelings; they will not be permanently fixed within the child, they are transitory.
- You must be able to see the child as a person separate from you – a unique personality no longer connected to you.
Tips for Parents
- Accept the worry and displeasure. This is an age full of controversy and anxiety. There is nothing abnormal in the fact that the behavior of a teenager is changeable and unpredictable, that he rushes from one extreme to another, loves his parents and at the same time hates them, etc.
- Avoid appearing too understanding.Avoid statements such as
“I understand perfectly how you feel.” Teenagers are sure that they are unique, unique in their own way. Their feelings are even for themselves something new, personal. They see themselves as complex and mysterious creatures, and they are genuinely upset when, in the eyes of others, their experiences appear simple and naive.
- Distinguish between consent and authorization, tolerance and authorization. Parents can be tolerant of unwanted actions of children (for example, a new hairstyle) – that is, actions that were not sanctioned, were not encouraged by the parents.
- Speak and act like an adult. Do not compete with your teen by behaving like he is using youth jargon. Adolescents deliberately adopt a lifestyle that is different from that of their parents, and this is also part of the process of shaping their personality. This is how their departure from their parents begins.
- Approve and support your teenager’s strengths. Limit comments related to the bad side of the teenager’s character. A reminder of flaws can severely hinder the teen’s communication with the parent.A parent’s multi-step task is to create relationships and provide your teen with experiences that strengthen character and build personality.
- Avoid highlighting weaknesses. When other weaknesses of character are found, the teenager feels pain. And if the cause of this pain is the parents, then it does not go away longer.
- Help your teen to think independently. Don’t add to your dependence on you. Speak in a language that will help develop independence: “It is your choice”, “You can decide this issue yourself”, “You can be responsible for this”, “This is your decision.”Parents should lead their children to make independent decisions and teach them to doubt the correctness of the opinions of their peers.
- Truth and compassion create love. Take your time to clarify the facts that you think have been perverted. Parents who are quick to punish will not teach you to respect the truth. Some parents are in an unnecessary rush to tell you exactly where, when, and why they were right. Often, adolescents meet such statements with stubbornness and anger. Thus, sometimes the truth turns into a lethal weapon for family relations, if the only goal is to get to the bottom of the truth.
- Respect the need for privacy, privacy. This principle requires some distance, which may seem impossible to some parents.
- Avoid loud phrases and sermons. Try talking rather than lecturing. Avoid statements like “When I was your age …”, “It hurts me more than you …”.
- Do not use labels. “You are stupid and lazy. You will never achieve anything. ” Such
“hanging” leads to the fact that the prediction is fulfilled by itself.After all, children tend to conform to what their parents think of them.
- Avoid ambiguous statements. The parent’s message to the teenager should contain one information: an understandable prohibition, a benevolent permission, or an open opportunity to make a choice.
- Avoid extremes: giving complete freedom is just as wrong as tightening the nuts.
- Maintain a sense of humor.
What shouldn’t parents do?
Ó You cannot humiliate a child, invent nicknames, nicknames for him, make fun of evil, ironicize, focus on mistakes, miscalculations, failures.
Ó Do not threaten: deprivation of love, care, severe punishment.
Ó Do not abuse lectures: firstly, children have difficulty perceiving phrases consisting of more than eight words, and secondly, short instructions have a specific effect.
Ó Promises must not be abused: the child lives in the present, and the promise is the future, it is easy to promise – it is difficult to fulfill.
Ó You cannot overly patronize: as we grow up, independence should also grow, because each of us is shaped to a greater extent by what we do ourselves, and not with us.
Ó You cannot demand immediate obedience: it takes time to accept what is required, to think about how to fulfill it, and perhaps to find a better option.
Ó You cannot demand something that does not correspond to the age and capabilities of the child: therefore, you need to know, study your child, and he is changing.
Ó You must not deprive a child of the right to remain a child: let him have everything that is characteristic of a child; remember that an exemplary child is an unhappy child; he cannot be himself.
Ó You cannot stick labels on your child: “He is shy for me”, “He is cowardly for me”, etc.
Ó You cannot compare a child with other children: no one has such as yours.
Ó You cannot punish twice for the same thing: look for an explanation of why the offense is repeated.
Ó You cannot speak badly about the child in the presence of other people: spare the child’s pride; it is better to talk about the bad in private and without witnesses, so there will be more chances that the situation will change.
Ó You cannot unceremoniously enter the corners of a child’s personal life: he has the right to his intimate world; behave so that he himself opens part of it.
Ó You cannot build upbringing on prohibitions: remember – the forbidden fruit is sweet, besides, if the prohibition comes from the parents, the child becomes angry with the whole world.
How should parents treat their teenager?
Ó Remember that a teenager still needs your participation, but already as a partner, so talk with him on equal terms, including jointly planning a family budget, a way of spending leisure time.
Ó Allocate pocket money.
Ó In conflict situations, speak up after the child, moreover, listen to him, and not just listen to what and how he says.
Ó Explain that actions usually have consequences, so you need to relate one to the other.
Ó Teach your child to endure grief, troubles and losses with dignity, explaining the need for certain restrictions, including in the family.
Ó Be careful of nascent feelings, emphasize the need for a balanced choice of friends and girlfriends, outlining the framework of acceptable and unacceptable in relationships between people.
Parents of adolescents should know that …
The following characterological reactions are characteristic of adolescents characterological reactions : , teachers. It can be expressed in a persistent desire to always and everywhere act “in their own way”, in violation of the rules established by elders. To exacerbate this reaction can be overprotective on the part of elders, petty control, deprivation of minimal independence and freedom.
Ó The reaction of the opposition may be caused by excessive claims to the child, an unbearable load for him – the requirement to be an excellent student in school, to excel in language, music, etc. But more often this reaction is the result of a loss or a sharp decrease in the usual attention from loved ones. The manifestation of the reaction
opposition in adolescents is very diverse – from absenteeism and running away from home to suicide attempts, most often demonstrative.For this purpose, deliberate flaunting of alcoholism or drug use can be used. All these demonstrations seem to say: “Pay attention to me – otherwise I will be lost!”
Ó The reaction of compensation is the desire to make up for our weakness and failure in one area with successes in another. A sickly, physically weak boy compensates for his weakness with excellent academic success, allowing him to gain prestige among his peers. Conversely, learning difficulties can be made up for by “bold” behavior, mischievous leadership, or, in the worst case, participation in antisocial companies.
Ó Overcompensation reaction . Here they persistently and persistently achieve high results precisely in the area where they are weak. It is because of hypercompensation that shy and timid boys, when choosing sports, prefer brute force – boxing, sambo, and a teenager who suffers from stuttering is enthusiastically devoted to art reading and performs at amateur concerts.
Ó Peer grouping reaction . Adolescents have an urgent need for their own identity and belonging to a group. Adolescents do not yet have a clearly conscious “self-image” and often feel more protected in the environment of their own kind. The feeling of “I” is still difficult to isolate from “We” – teenagers become fans of rock bands, members of various informal organizations – punks, rockers, in the worst case – fascists. The group for a teenager becomes the main regulator of behavior. This may explain the well-known fact that the overwhelming majority of juvenile delinquency is committed in a group.There is a regularity: the younger the teenager is, the larger the composition of the group. As they grow older, the number of group members decreases. At the age of 16-18, the group consists of 2-3 people.
Most frequent behavioral disorders in adolescents
- Behavioral disorders – refusal reaction . The main reasons for the violation :
1. The opposition of parents in communicating with peers, who actually or presumably have a negative impact on them.
- The child’s change of place of study, especially without his desire. A sharp change in the style of attitudes and behavior in the learning environment, prohibition or objective removal from doing what you love, etc.
- Adaptation of a teenager in a new study group.
Forms of manifestation: Refusal to communicate, eat, do household chores or homework. Depression, sadness, withdrawal from communication with peers and teachers, unwillingness to make contact.
Main directions of assistance: It is necessary to observe the external behavioral manifestations of the adolescent.It is important to find those forms of interaction with a teenager that will be effective.
The main reasons for violation : The desire to attract the attention of parents, to make them fall in love with themselves. The adolescent’s negative behavior dominates for the reason that there is no example of positive forms of behavior for him in the family.
Forms of manifestation: Usually, in conflict situations, an infringement of the pride of a teenager occurs, in his opinion, the demands are unreasonable and the punishments are unlawful both on the part of parents and teachers.
The protest reaction can be either active or passive.
The passive form is characterized by disguised hostility, discontent, resentment towards an adult, loss of favorable emotional contact, a desire to avoid communication with him. Often, when communicating, a teenager can be demonstratively silent, while not showing obvious signs of aggressiveness and not speaking out the reasons for his dissatisfaction, that
can significantly complicate the process of identifying the real reason for such behavior and establishing comfortable relationships.
The reaction of active protest is manifested in the form of disobedience, rudeness, provoking, even aggressive behavior in response to the conflict, wrong methods of education, punishment, reproaches, insults. As a rule, a similar reaction occurs in relation to those persons who are a source of experience for them.
Main directions of assistance: It is necessary to form positive behavioral skills in a teenager. However, here you cannot do without the help of your family. All efforts will be in vain if the changes at home are not noticed and noted.If the child understands, these new forms of behavior are more pleasant and useful in winning love from those close and loved to him.
- Behavioral disorders – reaction of active protest (accompanied by motor “storms”).
The main causes of the disorder : Typical for children suffering from psychopathy or with organic brain lesions.
Forms of manifestation: In anger they are extremely aggressive, can break furniture, are prone to verbal forms of aggression (foul language).They also manifest autonomic reactions (sweating increases, the face turns red, the pulse quickens, breathing is deep and frequent). An active form of protest can manifest itself in the desire to do spite, to slander a person in front of strangers or teachers, to betray his secrets, to offend people close to him or his beloved animals.
Main directions of assistance: The origins of the formation of such a model of behavior, as a rule, lie in the teenager’s family.
- Behavior disorder – protest reaction (leaving home).
The main causes of violations: This form of adolescent behavior is most typical for remarried families, and their purpose is to generate additional attention and love from the parent. The main reason for this behavior of a teenager is the desire to attract the attention of his parents, to make him fall in love with himself; negative behavior in a teenager dominates for the reason that he does not have an example of positive forms of behavior in his family.
Forms of manifestation: They, as a rule, do not go far from home, try to catch the eye of their acquaintances, so that they pay attention to him and return home.The behavior of adolescents from such families may be demonstrative, the desire to attract attention to themselves, to shock with their behavior. In this state, adolescents, especially boys, are prone to drinking alcohol, absenteeism, and changing their appearance.
Main directions of assistance: It is necessary to form positive behavioral skills in adolescents, to form persistent skills and positive motivation. However, here you cannot do without the help of your family. All efforts will be in vain if the changes at home are not noticed and noted.If the child understands, these new forms of behavior are more pleasant and useful in winning love from those close and loved to him.
The main reasons for violations: The desire to imitate someone.
Forms of manifestation: Appearance in a teenager of unmotivated secrecy, deceit, inadequacy of actions.
The main directions of assistance : The cases when a teenager chooses to imitate the negative experience of behavior of a real person from a close social environment are especially difficult for carrying out correctional work.It can be an adult or a peer with an addiction to alcohol, with a criminal past. As a rule, a teenager attracts his friends to the company, colorfully describing all the delights of his communication with such a “friend”. Not only children from socially problematic families, but also adolescents from well-to-do families are affected negatively.
As a rule, adolescents do not yet have a stable moral position, and if parents do not pay due attention to its formation, then this niche is sure to be filled by someone.For a negative leader, the main task is to discredit the parents and the educational institution.
Prevention of the involvement of adolescents in antisocial groups and sects should be a joint concern of the entire community.
Main causes of violations: The tendency to group with peers is very common in adolescent children. This is due to the psychological characteristics of this age group. As a rule, a leader appears in the group, who can be both positive and negative.
Forms of manifestation: Groups with an asocial leader are characterized by active illegal and criminal activity involving the maximum number of members in their ranks. Such a teenage “organization” strives in every possible way to make its activities attractive, outwardly beautiful, using bright symbols for this.
Main directions of assistance: Engage the teenager in socially acceptable forms of interaction. Here, great opportunities lie in the creation of various teenage clubs, hobby groups, public organizations.
Main causes of disorders: It occurs as a result of overstrain of the nervous system due to excessive physical and intellectual stress. These states become especially obvious during the session, the final tests and, as a rule, children who are not indifferent to the results of their studies and who have additional academic loads (music, foreign languages, etc.) suffer from them. Disorders in the family, divorces, and drunkenness of parents can also be stimuli for the appearance of neuroses.
Forms of manifestation: Symptoms of the appearance of neurotic states are increased excitability, irritability, tearfulness, fatigue of the child, lethargy, drowsiness, passivity both in educational and extracurricular activities.The manifestation of neuroses can be speech pathology (stuttering, temporary dumbness), sleep disturbance, increased excitability, enuresis.
The main directions of care: The detection of such signs in a child is a signal for medical intervention.
If the child has a “difficult” character …
- Ask yourself if the child is imitating you. Sometimes we react violently to a child’s actions that resemble our own, because we know our own shortcomings too well.In other cases, we react violently to the actions of the child, which do not in any way resemble ours, only because we cannot understand him. By realizing why we react to a child’s actions in one way or another, we will help ourselves.
- By understanding our negative reactions to the child’s behavior, we can avoid disagreements. Try not to think about resistance, but about change.
- Even if you manage to change your child’s behavior, it won’t happen overnight.
- Do not shame or push your child away.Never say: “It’s not a shame!” or “I don’t love you!” Do not give your child long lectures on every occasion. Get your way with short – the shorter the better – and simple instructions.
- Consider if the child’s behavior is related to being in front of the TV for too long.
- Consider if the child is stimulated by being too active.
- Most children “outgrow” their whims as soon as they learn to express their desires and emotions clearly.
- Instead of only reacting to the child’s inappropriate behavior, try to identify good behavior and reward the child with hugs, kisses, and praise.
Instruction to parents of difficult teenagers
Ó Treat the problem of a “difficult” child, first of all from the standpoint of understanding the difficulties of the child himself.
Ó Do not forget that the child is to some extent our reflection. Without understanding the reasons for his difficulty, without eliminating them, we will not be able to help the child. Rise above your own problems to see your child’s problems.
Ó Treat the difficulties in upbringing in a philosophical way. They always take place. You should not think that there are “light” children. Raising a child is always difficult, even under the most optimal conditions and opportunities.
Ó Beware of panic and fatalism. They are bad companions of upbringing. Don’t get in the habit of fanning the bonfire of trouble with the spark of every difficult situation. Don’t rate your child badly for some bad wrongdoing. Don’t turn the failure of one thing into a complete failure of the child.
Ó Finally, be optimistic! (I have a difficult child, but I believe in his perspective; we have many problems, but I see them, and a correctly formulated problem has already been half-solved).
Tips for Parents of Difficult Teenagers
Ó Praise your child for good behavior, just as you point out mistakes and negative behavior. The encouragement will reinforce the idea of the right action in his mind.
Ó Try to praise the child for any change for the better in his behavior, even if it is very small.
Ó Remember that by using more praise, you help your child develop self-confidence.
Ó Try to teach your child how to correct a wrong act. Talk to your child in a respectful and cooperative tone.
Ó Involve the child in the decision-making process.
Ó Remember that you are a model of correct behavior for the child.
Ó A child cannot be expected to do what he is not able to do.
Ó Refrain from statements that the child is not good for anything, from rudeness in the style of
“ugly, stupid”. Evaluate the act itself, not the one who did it.
Ó Use every opportunity to show your love to your child.
Ó Listen to the child and try to understand his point of view, it is not necessary to agree with him, but thanks to the attention you have given him, he feels like a full and worthy participant in events.
Remember that the child is more willing to obey the rules in which he was involved in establishing.
“Difficult teenager”. What should parents do?
In order not to lead your relationship with a teenager to a standstill, pay attention to the following tips:
Ó Notice even minor changes in the teenager’s behavior, since at first antisocial behavior manifests itself episodically, situationally. Later, deviations occur more often, positive qualities cease to dominate, but remain.Finally, antisocial behavior becomes a habit.
Ó Do not abuse punishments and prohibitions. Find the reason or reasons for this behavior of the teenager. Remember that your child needs an individual approach.
Ó Talk to your child, avoiding harsh language. Talk to him, explain, but do not set conditions for him, do not immediately demand ideal behavior. Introduce complex changes in the daily routine, in the teenager’s society, in his leisure time.
Ó It is necessary to find the strengths or, better to say, the qualities of the teenager and use them correctly, develop, giving him feasible tasks.
Ó Increase your teen’s cognitive interest. Involve your son or daughter in different activities, but keep the situation under constant control.
Ó You must believe in a child – this is the main thing! It is of great importance for a difficult teenager to experience happiness, the joy of success. This is the greatest incentive for self-improvement.
What should NOT be done with a teenager?
Ó Do not allow the teenager to disrespect yourself or be rude towards him.
Ó Do not demand immediate and blind obedience, do not use threats or humiliate children.
Ó Do not start conversations with accusations or interrupt when the child explains his actions.
Ó Do not bribe the teenager and do not force a promise not to do what you do not like.
Ó Do not deviate from the rules and traditions introduced in the family, except in unusual cases.
Ó Do not be jealous of your son or daughter towards friends, accept them in your home and try to get to know each other better.
Ó Do not give a negative assessment to the teenager’s object of attention, even if the choice is not to your liking.
Communication between parents and teenagers
If you are feeling anxious or anxious about your teenage child, then it’s time to change something in your own life, to look at it with different eyes.
Ó The most positive impact that parents can have on the lives of children at this age is to support, respect and love them.Firmness and consistency are very important parenting qualities. If we want our children to grow up kind and loving people, then we ourselves must treat them kindly and with love.
Ó It is important to remember: the more prohibitions by adults, the worse. It will be right – to change the attitude towards the actions and actions of the child. The calmer and more balanced the parents are, the more likely it is that adolescence will go smoothly, without complications. As a result, children will grow out of him more mature and independent.
Ó The child’s desire for independence is a normal, healthy need. If it is expressed in ways that are unacceptable from your point of view, then do not react to it too emotionally. Do not allow irritation, screaming, aggression, because the more often a teenager sees his parents who have lost control, the less he respects them. If this helps a little to get rid of negative emotions, try to imagine that all this is not done by your child, but, for example, the child of your neighbors. Then, you can feel that you are not taking what is happening so close to your heart.Rather, these are feelings of surprise and regret, but not feelings of anger.
Ó Some parents need to treat their children as if they were peers. This, of course, is good if the purpose of such communication is not the need of the parents to shift their psychological problems onto the shoulders of the child. You cannot cry into your own child’s waistcoat, consult with him about your adult problems, otherwise the teenager will feel insecure in this world. Of course, you can consult with your child, but not in order to shift the burden of decision-making to him and receive emotional support.We cannot ask children to ease our suffering. If parents cease to be authorities, then children more easily succumb to bad influences.
The purpose of education is to teach our children to do without us.
Ó If parents ignore the child’s right to independence, then he can grow up subordinate to the parental will, submissive and unable to realize his place in
life. Such a child, over time, may begin to take revenge on his parents for excessively strong “hugs” that squeeze the independent development of his personality.
Ó Parents need to learn to develop trust in the fact that your child can make the right decisions on his own and you need to let the teenager feel this trust in his actions. You cannot consider him a helpless creature who needs constant advice, care and support.
Ó Try to change the way you think: everything you do should be aimed at giving the teenager autonomy in making decisions.
In order for the process of separation of a teenager to be completed successfully, we recommend to parents:
û Perceive the child as he is, and not as you would like to see him.
û Encourage the child to express independent thoughts, feelings and actions.
û Do not become desperate and depressed if the child refuses your help.
û Don’t try to live your life for the child.
û Recognize the child as an independent person, with their own desires and aspirations.
Parents, react to the actions of a teenager not by changing your inner state (resentment, depression), but by changing your EXTERNAL behavior. Children learn not by words, but by parental actions and deeds.Very often, parents, communicating with their child, forget about themselves, about their own desires. Adults do not leave a minute of time for themselves; they are completely absorbed in solving the child’s problems. How much energy do you think is contained in this desire to improve a child’s life? Where can energy come from if you have completely blocked access to it? Only a happy, fulfilled parent can understand and make his child happy. Therefore, do not deny yourself your desires. Think, you owe not only your child, you owe yourself too.Try to listen to those bold and involuntary thoughts that are in you and that you previously suppressed in yourself. Listen to your inner
“I”, what does it really want?
The most important thing you can do for yourself and your child is to take your own life into your own hands. Make it what you want, then your child’s life will change for the better.
Diaries, or a secret from parents
Youth is the time to be fond of diaries, as it is a convenient way to talk with yourself, to record your thoughts and experiences.The diary is kept and hidden even from the closest people. The diary checks oneself, gives a report on one’s actions and intentions – which you cannot tell anyone.
More often girls keep diaries, but boys rarely need it. Some people generally believe that thoughts should be kept to themselves, while the diary often falls into the wrong hands. And some friends replace the diary.
Many people keep a diary because they feel lonely, they have no one to talk to
“heart to heart”.Carefully! A diary is a forbidden thing. Teenage children react painfully and sharply when someone touches the most intimate. This is a real tragedy for them. And this tragedy can break the bond between parents and children. Parents will be considered criminals, and trust in them will completely disappear. Even if you read the diary secretly, it will not lead to anything good.
Firstly, parents often cannot understand anything, since they resort to the diary most often when something unpleasant, alarming happens in life.There are many contradictions and misconceptions in the records. But over time, everything changes, thoughts and judgments too. Parents risk seeing the past and projecting it onto the present.
Secondly, after conflicts with parents, a teenager can write something unpleasant for them in his diary. And the momentary irritation of a teenager, written down on paper, becomes a long, long offense for the parents.
Third, parents may just let slip a word. In a conversation, mention some insignificant, imperceptible detail of the child’s life, which could only be learned from his diary.
Ó Never, under any circumstances, read the diary of your son or daughter.
Ó An accidentally found diary must be returned to the owner openly. This will build trust between parents and children.
Recommendations for parents
on organizing summer vacations for teenagers
Summer holidays are the best time to finally give your child what you have been planning for a long time, but did not have time during the school year.
Ó From a wide range of possibilities, choose those types of summer recreation, entertainment, activities that suit your child and you.
Ó Take into account the children’s propensity for active recreation.
Ó Use the holidays to help your child acquire useful life skills (car repairs, home improvement and other activities).
Ó Joint activities of parents and growing up children during summer holidays can and should become an excellent school of communication and mutual understanding.
Ó Summer gives you the opportunity to assess the increased level of your child’s capabilities, overcome old stereotypes of parent-child relationships, evaluate the child as a possible or already accomplished helper.
Ó Successful work in non-academic activities can be an essential means of preventing uncertainty, anxiety, and low self-esteem.
Ó Vacation is a time of feelings. Feelings are very serious. A violent and short-term infatuation can be perceived as a big, serious feeling for the rest of your life.Parents are unlikely to be able to save the “adult” child from mistakes, but they are able to make the child stronger by supporting him. To be indignant, to be sad means to
it is “normal” to experience disappointment. It is important to support the child by showing empathy.
Ó Let your child feel adult and independent. Independent decision-making and responsibility for it is an integral part of adulthood. Let your child make mistakes. No man has grown up without being mistaken.
Ó Your child’s friend is a great opportunity to see what his needs are not being met in communication with you. No matter how strange and exotic they may seem to you, he needs them for some reason, so you should not criticize them harshly. The effect can be reversed.
Educator-psychologist GBOU Secondary School No. 46 Ye.S. Bigun
Proper nutrition of a child is a guarantee of health – Children’s City Clinic No. 1
Every parent wants his child to grow up healthy, smart, happy.
From childhood, we must teach our children to choose from all the variety of products those that are really beneficial to health. The nutrition of children is somewhat different from that of adults. If the child’s nutritional system is built correctly, then the child develops normally, both physically and mentally.
Make daily feeding your child a way of life for your family. It is not necessary to arrange from this constant lectures on the topic of what is useful and what is harmful.By actively communicating with your child, setting an example, you instill good eating habits.
Only good things should be said at the table. The environment should help the child to relax, then both the appetite will be good and the mood will be friendly. Children can help you with serving and decorating your meals. When serving vegetables and fruits on the table, ask the children what vitamins and minerals they contain, and why they are so useful. In order to organize proper nutrition for your child, you need to follow several important rules:
Meals should be varied.
This is an important condition for the child’s body to receive all the substances necessary for growth and development. Every day the child’s menu should include: fruits and vegetables; meat and fish; milk and dairy products; grain products (bread, cereals, cereals). Insufficiency or excess of food consumed by a child can adversely affect the activity of the gastrointestinal tract, contribute to metabolic disorders, increase overweight (even to various degrees of obesity) or lead to exhaustion.
If the child refuses to eat a healthy dish, invite him to experiment and make the dish unusual.
So, with the help of dried fruits and nuts, you can lay out a funny face on porridge, with the help of ketchup and herbs, draw a pattern on scrambled eggs, put mashed potatoes on a plate in the form of a snowman figure, etc.
What cannot be used in children’s nutrition:
- By-products, except for liver, tongue, heart; blood, liver, uncooked smoked sausages.
- Fried in fat (deep fried) food and culinary products, chips.
- Curd snacks, condensed milk with vegetable fats.
- Kumis and fermented milk products with ethanol content (more than 0.5%).
- Cream confectionery containing vegetable protein.
- First and second courses based on quick hit food concentrates.
- Vinegar, mustard, horseradish, hot peppers and other hot spices and foods containing them, including hot sauces, ketchups, mayonnaise and mayonnaise sauces.
- Pickled vegetables and fruits.
- Natural coffee and carbonated drinks, apricot kernels, peanuts.
- Products, including confectionery, containing alcohol.
- Food products containing a large amount of food additives in their composition (information is indicated by the manufacturer on the consumer package).
- Dry concentrates for the preparation of first and second courses (soups, Dosherak noodles, porridge).
The baby should be fed regularly.
Compliance with the diet of children is of great importance for the absorption of nutrients by the body. Preschool children are recommended to eat 4-5 times a day, every 3 hours, at the same time, distributing the diet as follows: breakfast – 25%, lunch – 35%, afternoon snack – 15%, dinner – 25% … At school age, it is advisable to have four meals a day, every 4 hours with an even distribution of the daily ration: breakfast – 25%, second breakfast – 20%, lunch – 35%, dinner – 20%.
Try to avoid snacking and teach your child to eat only at the table. If this still does not work out, offer fruit, biscuits, juice for a snack – food that will help numb hunger, but will not ruin your appetite.
Correct organization of meals at school in the form of hot school breakfasts and lunches in extended day groups, the diet of which should be 50-70% of the daily norm, is an important recreational activity for children-students, for which parents, unfortunately, are not enough pay attention.Eating sandwiches, pizza, chips, chocolate bars is harmful because – this food is defective in its composition and also irritates the stomach, contributing to the development of gastritis.
The child’s nutrition should replenish his daily energy expenditure.
If your child is overweight, limit the amount of sweets and high-calorie desserts and empty the refrigerator. Place a bowl of fruit and a plate of whole grain bread on the table.Children can eat fruit without any restrictions, it is almost impossible to overeat, and they are very useful. If there is a lack of any mineral or vitamin, the child himself will ask for the apple or even greens he needs.
Try to engage your child in sports, walk together, albeit a little, but regularly.
Thus, building the right nutrition for children requires taking into account the characteristics of the child’s body, knowledge of some of the rules and principles of healthy eating.
Material prepared by the editorial and publishing department of GBUZ JSC “CMP” – 2020
Abdominal pain in children
Abdominal pain in a child is a pathology that all parents face.
The cause of pain can be the widest range of diseases and pathological conditions, such as: overeating, flatulence, constipation, food intolerance, intestinal
infections, food poisoning, urinary tract infections, appendicitis, intestinal intussusception and many others.
In some cases, abdominal pain does not have a distinct physiological cause. As a rule, abdominal pain disappears after two to three hours. In some cases, however, the pain may persist for much longer.
When should I see a doctor? When a child develops acute pain, first of all, it is necessary to exclude a number of diseases, united by the concept of “acute abdomen”. Such diseases include acute pathology of the abdominal organs, in which emergency surgical care is vital: acute appendicitis, perforated stomach or intestinal ulcer, peritonitis, intestinal intussusception, etc.
Along with intense pain for the “acute abdomen” is characterized by a sharp deterioration in health, dry mouth, tachycardia, possibly an increase in body temperature.
The following symptoms may serve as a reason for seeking emergency medical help:
- Acute pain sensations continue for more than two hours in the child.
- The pains are cramping and last more than 12 hours.
- The child is vomiting, including blood or bile.
- Blood in stool.
In all these cases, you should immediately contact your pediatrician.
If your child has abdominal pain, have him lie down for 10-15 minutes. After a short rest, he will surely feel better. Sometimes a warm heating pad can help relieve unpleasant symptoms. Give your child plenty of fluids and avoid rough, tough foods. Laxatives or enemas can only be prescribed to a child by the attending physician.
When the cause of pain is acute appendicitis (inflammation of the appendix), the pain is usually localized in the navel and then moves down and to the right.Sometimes the pain extends to the lower abdomen as well. As a rule, in such cases, the child’s temperature rises, vomiting begins. If your child develops symptoms of appendicitis, contact your pediatrician immediately. In such a situation, delay can result in serious complications.
In young children, the equivalent of abdominal pain is screaming, crying, anxiety, refusal to eat, a twisted posture with legs brought to the stomach, impulsive leg movements (“legs twisting”).Severe paroxysmal anxiety of a child under the age of 1 year, accompanied by vomiting, bloating, blood in the feces, can be caused by a formidable disease – intestinal intussusception. This disease requires urgent medical attention. In advanced cases, surgical interventions may be required, sometimes repeated.
Acute abdominal pain sometimes occurs in children with acute respiratory viral infection. It is necessary to take into account the epidemiological situation in the children’s team and at home.When examining a child, you should pay attention to the moderate severity of catarrhal phenomena in the nasopharynx, high body temperature, intoxication, and sometimes arthralgia.
Emotional stress associated with an unfavorable psychological climate at home or at school can sometimes cause abdominal pain. For a school-age child, such stresses are common. The cause of stress can be divorce or other family troubles, problems in relationships with peers, with teachers.Some children have abdominal pain in the morning, and this is most often due to nervous tension before the start of the school day. Such pains, as a rule, disappear within 24 hours; if necessary, allow the child to stay at home. Try to identify the root cause of your emotional stress and address the problem as soon as possible.
In all cases, if the child suffers from recurrent abdominal pain, not related to the “acute abdomen”, an examination by your pediatrician is required in a planned manner to determine the causes and prescribe the correct treatment.
Nikulenkov Alexander Vladimirovich,
Surgeon (head) of the surgical department for children
(contact phone 268-31-40)
Clothes for kindergarten: what clothes to choose for a child in kindergarten
Contents of the article
1.List of necessary things for kindergarten
2. How to dress a child in a kindergarten in the summer
3. How to dress a child in a kindergarten in the demi-season
4. How to dress a child in a kindergarten in winter
5. How to dress a child for a matinee
Kindergarten is necessary for a child to develop communication skills. Here he gets used to living in society, and his body adapts to the world around him, full of different sounds, tastes, aromas and microorganisms.In order for the kid to get the maximum benefit from the kindergarten, he must be comfortable in it. Clothes that match the size and season help to solve this problem. In our article, you will learn how a list of things for kindergarten should look like and how to dress a child in kindergarten at different times of the year.
List of necessary things for kindergarten
Preschool children spend more time in kindergarten than at home. Therefore, you need to choose clothes thoroughly, taking into account the season, the physiological characteristics of the baby and the level of his activity.As a rule, this requires two sets of things: one for indoor games and activities, the second for walking. The first one needs to include:
Clothes should be made of durable and wear-resistant materials that are easy to wash and iron, do not irritate the skin, and retain their shape and color for a long time.Its equipment is no less important. Toddlers can do without polo shirts, shirts, dresses and sundresses with buttons, fasteners and zippers. Trousers, skirts and leggings should be elastic, not lace or belt. A kid dressed in such clothes will not be constrained in movements.
Depending on the weather outside, outerwear will be needed for the kindergarten. This could be:
- denim jacket,
- winter and mid-season overalls,
- jacket with trousers.
They should be made of materials that repel dirt and moisture and are easy to clean or wipe off. Outerwear should not hinder movement. A child dressed in a comfortable overalls or jacket can remain active on the street and learn about the world around with interest.
The list of clothes needed for kindergarten also includes hats, baseball caps, scarves, scarves, mittens, gloves and other accessories.
How to dress a child in kindergarten in the summer
Unlike school, there are no vacations in the kindergarten.So, while the parents are working or busy with household chores, the child can usefully spend time. The main thing is that for this he has safe and comfortable clothes. In the summer, it is much easier to make a list of the things you need for your garden. Here you do not need to think about how to dress your baby for a walk and what clothes will be more comfortable for him inside. One set of things is enough for this. It usually includes:
- T-shirts and T-shirts of various styles and colors,
- light pants,
- socks and knee-highs.
Unlike clothes, shoes should be made up of several pairs. For indoor games, you will need sandals in which the child will be comfortable and not slippery, for physical education – gym shoes, for walking – sandals, sneakers or sneakers with anti-slip soles and comfortable fasteners.
In the summer, the teachers take the children outside every day. Therefore, the child should have a wide-brimmed panama hat or baseball cap. A baby wearing a hat is protected not only from direct sunlight, but also from dust, sand and insects.
How to dress a child in kindergarten in the demi-season
Spring and fall clothing for kindergarten should be chosen given the variability of the weather at this time of year. It happens that the educators only take the children out for a walk, and the sunny weather immediately gives way to rain and wind. In such a case, the child’s wardrobe should contain:
- mid-season jumpsuit,
- demi jacket and trousers,
- warm tights and socks,
- jersey or fleece overall,
- insulated trousers or jeans,
- thermal underwear,
- long sleeved sweaters.
Depending on the weather outside the window, you will need rubber boots or boots made of moisture-resistant materials. A demi-season hat with a snood or a hat-helmet will help protect the baby’s head, and gloves will help to protect the baby’s hands.
Autumn outerwear should be completed with convenient locks, Velcro and rivets. So the child will be able to put it on without resorting to the help of a teacher or nanny. Clothes should be easy to wash and dry.If the baby wants to try on a puddle or lie in the mud, parents can easily put them in order.
The set of clothes needed for the kindergarten in spring and autumn should include T-shirts, T-shirts, leggings, shorts, knee-highs and socks. Their child can be worn indoors and in playrooms. It is advisable that there is always a change of clothes in his locker. For group play, you will also need sandals or other non-slip shoes with a comfortable buckle. Models with a minimum of decor are preferable, which, as a rule, quickly breaks, breaks or is lost.
How to dress a child in a kindergarten in winter
The basis of winter clothing for kindergarten is overalls, especially if children play outside before or after a quiet hour. He must:
Easy to take off and put on,
Equipped with a comfortable hood and elastic bands on the arms and legs,
Easy to wash and dry quickly,
Allow air to pass through and keep warm,
· Repel moisture and dirt.
Outerwear should be of the right size. If the child is already large enough and is active during walks, you can choose a jumpsuit made of membrane fabric, which will prevent him from freezing or sweating. It will be enough to wear thermal underwear and a fleece suit under it.
If the weather does not allow, then the kindergarten pupils spend time in groups, where they can draw, dance and play. To choose clothes for this case, you need to ask the educators what the temperature is in the room.If it is cool there, you need to dress your child in:
Tights or leggings,
Leotard with elastic band,
· Knitted overalls.
If it is warm in the kindergarten in winter, you can wear shorts with a T-shirt, a dress, leggings with a tunic. In addition, you will need sandals with anti-slip soles and good fasteners. For physical education, you can take gym shoes.
For winter walks, you will need warm boots equipped with flexible anti-slip soles, Velcro fasteners and high-quality insulation. If you take “dutik”, then in them the baby may not be afraid of wet snow and snowdrifts. The set of winter clothes for the garden will be complemented by a knitted or fur hat with a scarf. It is desirable that its lining be made of fleece, a material that wicks moisture well. To protect the baby’s hands, you will need warmed knitted or bolognese mittens.According to tradition, they can be connected together with a rope that will prevent them from getting lost.
How to dress a child for a matinee
On the eve of almost every public holiday, matinees are held in kindergartens. Therefore, parents need to make up a wardrobe in advance for special occasions. As a rule, boys need for this:
· White shirt,
· the bow tie”,
· White shirt,
· Dark colored sandals.
For a girl, you will definitely need an elegant dress. Models up to the knees are preferable, in which it will be convenient for her to play and dance. If possible, you can buy two dresses: one lush and long, the second laconic and more formal. The first dress, decorated with ruffles, bows, sequins, the child will be able to wear for the New Year’s party or March 8, the second, with a laconic bow or drapery, for the celebration of Victory Day or February 23.
In addition to the main outfit, you need to include shoes or sandals in the kindergarten kit.They should be of the right size and fit well on the leg so that the child feels comfortable while dancing.
90,000 Scientists have explained why more boys are born
Researchers have finally managed to answer the question of why, according to statistics, more boys are born than girls around the globe. At the same time, scientists have refuted the opinion that has been accepted so far that male embryos have a lower survival rate and because of this, during conception, they are formed more often than female ones.
28 September 10:59
Even from school biology textbooks, everyone knows that at conception, the probability of the formation of a female or male embryo is correlated as one to one.The gender of the unborn child depends on which type of sperm – containing an X chromosome or a Y chromosome – will fertilize a woman’s egg. At the same time, biologists argue that the number of both types of sperm produced in a man’s body is the same, which means that they really have an equal chance of playing a decisive role in determining the sex of a child.
Nevertheless, demographers around the world claim:
, in fact, more boys are born than girls, and scientists claim that this trend was formed at about the same time as the emergence of the species Homo sapiens.
However, it cannot be assumed that such a picture emerged due to the greater mortality of female embryos: medical statistics indicate that during pregnancy, at least in its later stages, it is male embryos that die more often.
These observations allowed the researchers to conclude that since male embryos are less viable and at the same time their survival rate at the end of pregnancy still remains higher, it means that at conception they should significantly prevail over female ones.To date, world statistics show that
per 100 girls are born on average 105 boys (with deviations in different countries from 104 to 107). It turns out that at conception, the inequality should be even greater.
This pattern may not hold true, for example, in countries where people are transitioning to new fertility patterns and mothers are gradually increasing in age. Demographers and doctors note that as a woman ages, the chances of male embryos of survival become even lower and the average number of girls born increases.
In Asian countries such as China or India, the so-called selective abortion is still widespread – termination of pregnancy due to the sex of the child, as families strive to have as many sons as possible. American feminist Ann Warren even coined a special term for this phenomenon – “gendercide” (gendercide). The 2010 census in China showed that for every 100 girls in China, 118 boys are born.
According to statistical forecasts, by 2020–2030, every fifth Chinese will be left without a wife.
This generation of forced bachelors, according to experts, can serve as a potential source of social instability.
But even the latest demographic trends could not answer the question: why, contrary to all the laws of biology, at conception, male embryos are formed more often than female ones? A group of British and American scientists led by Stephen Orzak from the Fresh Pond Research Institute (Cambridge, Massachusetts, USA) managed to uncover all the secrets of embryo formation and their further development, and at the same time refute some of the postulates of demography.An article on the work of the researchers was published in the journal PNAS.
Stephen Orzak’s group analyzed information about children conceived in the USA, Canada and some other European countries from 1995 to 2004. Scientists paid attention not only to natural pregnancies (in this case, the sex of the child was determined on the 3-6th day after conception using amniocentesis – analysis of amniotic fluid), but also to pregnancies formed using in vitro fertilization.The researchers also took into account data on miscarriages and artificially terminated pregnancies.
In total, scientists have collected information on about 31 million embryos, which is an absolute record in this kind of research.
Determining the sex of the child at the earliest stages – during the first week of pregnancy – showed that in fact the laws of biology are not violated: the number of male and female embryos at conception was indeed the same. The opinion about the non-viability of male embryos was also refuted.In fact, boys are more likely to die only during the first one to two weeks of pregnancy and at 28–35 weeks. In the rest of the period, the mortality of female embryos is much higher.
Thus, scientists were able to refute at once two postulates of modern demography: the disproportion of the sexes at conception and the weakness of the health of male embryos.
Researchers do not exclude that the results of their work will force demographers to reconsider some of the provisions of their science.
Despite the fact that researchers have been able to prove the effectiveness of the laws of biology, you should not think that future parents can in no way increase the likelihood of conceiving a boy or girl.So, obstetrician-gynecologist of the highest qualification category Georgy Mestergazi notes that sperm activity depends on whether they are “male” or “female”. “Female” X-sperm can be compared to long-distance runners: they are larger, more tenacious, move more slowly and can move through the fallopian tubes for a sufficiently long period of time, and then “wait” for ovulation for about 72 hours.