Psychology anger management techniques. Effective Anger Management Techniques: Mastering Your Emotions

How can relaxation techniques help control anger. What is cognitive restructuring and how does it relate to anger management. Why is problem-solving important for managing anger. How can better communication skills reduce angry outbursts.

The Power of Relaxation in Anger Management

Relaxation techniques are fundamental tools in the arsenal of anger management. These simple yet effective methods can significantly help in calming angry feelings and preventing outbursts. But how exactly do these techniques work?

Relaxation methods primarily focus on reducing physical tension and mental stress, which are often precursors to anger. By practicing these techniques regularly, individuals can develop a conditioned response to stressful situations, allowing them to maintain composure even in challenging circumstances.

Key Relaxation Techniques for Anger Management

• Deep breathing exercises
• Relaxing imagery visualization
• Repetition of calming words or phrases
• Gentle, non-strenuous yoga-like movements

Deep breathing is particularly effective as it helps to oxygenate the blood and stimulate the parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for the body’s rest and digest response. To practice deep breathing, focus on inhaling slowly from your diaphragm rather than your chest. Visualize your breath originating from your “gut” and slowly filling your lungs.

Combining deep breathing with the repetition of a calming word or phrase can enhance the relaxation effect. Choose a word like “relax” or a phrase such as “take it easy” and repeat it silently to yourself while breathing deeply. This practice helps to redirect your focus away from anger-inducing thoughts and towards a more peaceful state of mind.

Imagery is another powerful tool in the relaxation toolkit. Close your eyes and imagine a serene scene from your memory or create a peaceful scenario in your mind. This mental escape can provide a brief respite from anger-inducing situations and help reset your emotional state.

Incorporating gentle, yoga-inspired movements into your daily routine can also contribute to overall relaxation and anger management. These exercises help to release muscle tension, improve body awareness, and promote a sense of calm.

Cognitive Restructuring: Reshaping Your Thought Patterns

Cognitive restructuring is a psychological technique that involves identifying and challenging negative thought patterns that contribute to anger. By changing the way we think about situations, we can effectively alter our emotional responses. But how does this process work in practice?

The first step in cognitive restructuring is becoming aware of your thoughts during anger-inducing situations. Angry individuals often engage in exaggerated, overly dramatic thinking that fuels their emotional response. By recognizing these patterns, you can begin to challenge and replace them with more rational thoughts.

Strategies for Effective Cognitive Restructuring

1. Identify and challenge absolutist language
2. Replace exaggerated thoughts with rational alternatives
3. Recognize the futility of anger in problem-solving
4. Reframe demands into preferences

One common pattern in angry thinking is the use of absolutist language, such as “always” and “never”. These words often lead to overgeneralization and can make problems seem more insurmountable than they actually are. Instead of thinking, “This machine never works,” try rephrasing it as, “This machine is unreliable sometimes, which is frustrating.”

Replacing exaggerated thoughts with more rational alternatives is another key aspect of cognitive restructuring. For example, instead of thinking, “Everything is ruined,” try reframing it as, “This is a setback, but it’s not the end of the world.” This shift in perspective can help reduce the intensity of angry feelings and promote a more balanced emotional response.

It’s also crucial to recognize that anger itself rarely solves problems and often makes situations worse. Reminding yourself of this fact can help you approach challenges with a clearer, more solution-oriented mindset.

Lastly, reframing demands into preferences can significantly reduce anger. Instead of insisting, “I must have this done my way,” try rephrasing it as, “I would prefer if this were done my way.” This shift acknowledges that while you have preferences, you can adapt if they’re not met, reducing the likelihood of anger when things don’t go exactly as planned.

Problem-Solving: A Proactive Approach to Anger Management

While relaxation techniques and cognitive restructuring are essential for managing anger in the moment, developing strong problem-solving skills can help address the root causes of anger and prevent future outbursts. How can we cultivate effective problem-solving strategies to manage anger?

The first step in problem-solving is to recognize that not all problems have immediate or perfect solutions. This realization can help reduce frustration and anger when faced with challenging situations. Instead of fixating on finding an instant solution, focus on how you can effectively handle and face the problem.

Steps for Effective Problem-Solving in Anger Management

1. Identify the problem clearly
2. Brainstorm potential solutions
3. Evaluate the pros and cons of each solution
4. Choose and implement the best solution
5. Review and adjust as necessary

Begin by clearly identifying the problem that’s causing your anger. Be specific and avoid generalizations. Once you’ve pinpointed the issue, brainstorm potential solutions without judgment. Allow yourself to consider a wide range of possibilities, even if they seem unconventional at first.

Next, evaluate the pros and cons of each potential solution. Consider the short-term and long-term consequences of each option. This step helps ensure that your chosen solution doesn’t create more problems down the line.

After careful consideration, select the most promising solution and create a plan to implement it. Break down the solution into manageable steps and set realistic timelines for each stage. This structured approach can help reduce feelings of overwhelm and frustration.

Finally, regularly review your progress and be willing to adjust your approach if necessary. Remember that problem-solving is often an iterative process, and flexibility is key to success.

Enhancing Communication Skills for Better Anger Management

Effective communication is crucial in managing anger and preventing misunderstandings that can lead to conflicts. How can improving our communication skills contribute to better anger management?

One of the primary ways that poor communication contributes to anger is through misinterpretation and hasty conclusions. Angry individuals often jump to conclusions based on limited information, leading to inappropriate emotional responses. By enhancing communication skills, we can reduce these misunderstandings and create a more harmonious environment.

Key Communication Strategies for Anger Management

• Practice active listening
• Use “I” statements to express feelings
• Avoid accusatory language
• Take time to formulate responses
• Seek clarification when unsure

Active listening is a fundamental skill in effective communication. This involves fully concentrating on what the other person is saying, rather than just waiting for your turn to speak. By truly listening, you can gain a better understanding of the other person’s perspective and reduce the likelihood of misunderstandings that can lead to anger.

Using “I” statements is another powerful communication tool for anger management. Instead of saying, “You always ignore me,” try expressing your feelings with a statement like, “I feel hurt when I don’t receive a response.” This approach communicates your emotions without placing blame, which can help de-escalate potentially heated situations.

Avoiding accusatory language is crucial in maintaining open and productive communication. Phrases like “You never” or “You always” often lead to defensiveness and can escalate conflicts. Instead, focus on describing specific behaviors and their impact on you.

Taking time to formulate your responses is especially important when dealing with anger-inducing situations. Rather than reacting immediately with the first thought that comes to mind, pause and consider your words carefully. This brief moment of reflection can prevent you from saying something in the heat of the moment that you might later regret.

Lastly, don’t hesitate to seek clarification when you’re unsure about something. Misunderstandings often arise from assumptions, so asking for clarification can prevent unnecessary anger and conflict. A simple “Can you help me understand what you mean by that?” can go a long way in fostering clear communication.

The Role of Physical Exercise in Anger Management

While not explicitly mentioned in the original text, physical exercise plays a significant role in anger management and emotional regulation. How does exercise contribute to better anger control, and what types of activities are most beneficial?

Regular physical exercise has been shown to reduce stress, improve mood, and increase overall emotional resilience. These benefits directly translate to better anger management by reducing the physiological and psychological factors that contribute to angry outbursts.

Benefits of Exercise for Anger Management

• Releases endorphins, which improve mood
• Reduces stress hormones like cortisol
• Provides a healthy outlet for pent-up energy
• Improves sleep quality, leading to better emotional regulation
• Increases self-esteem and confidence

Aerobic exercises, such as running, swimming, or cycling, are particularly effective for anger management. These activities increase heart rate and stimulate the production of endorphins, often referred to as “feel-good” hormones. The rhythmic nature of these exercises can also have a meditative effect, helping to calm the mind and reduce angry thoughts.

Strength training exercises can also be beneficial for anger management. The focus required during weight lifting or bodyweight exercises can serve as a form of mindfulness practice, redirecting attention away from anger-inducing thoughts. Additionally, the sense of accomplishment from completing a challenging workout can boost self-esteem and reduce feelings of frustration.

Incorporating mindfulness-based exercises like yoga or tai chi can provide a dual benefit of physical activity and relaxation. These practices combine gentle movements with breath awareness and meditation, promoting both physical and mental calmness.

The Impact of Sleep on Anger Management

The connection between sleep and emotional regulation, particularly anger management, is often overlooked. How does sleep quality affect our ability to control anger, and what strategies can we employ to improve our sleep habits?

Sleep plays a crucial role in emotional regulation and cognitive function. Lack of sleep or poor sleep quality can lead to increased irritability, decreased impulse control, and difficulty managing emotions, including anger. By prioritizing good sleep habits, we can significantly enhance our ability to manage anger effectively.

Sleep Strategies for Better Anger Management

1. Maintain a consistent sleep schedule
2. Create a relaxing bedtime routine
3. Optimize your sleep environment
4. Limit exposure to screens before bedtime
5. Avoid caffeine and alcohol close to bedtime

Maintaining a consistent sleep schedule helps regulate your body’s internal clock, making it easier to fall asleep and wake up naturally. Try to go to bed and wake up at the same time every day, even on weekends. This consistency reinforces your body’s sleep-wake cycle and can improve the quality of your sleep.

Creating a relaxing bedtime routine signals to your body that it’s time to wind down. This could include activities like reading a book, taking a warm bath, or practicing gentle stretches. Avoid stimulating activities or stressful conversations close to bedtime, as these can make it harder to fall asleep.

Optimizing your sleep environment is crucial for good sleep quality. Ensure your bedroom is dark, quiet, and cool. Invest in a comfortable mattress and pillows, and consider using blackout curtains or a white noise machine if necessary to create an ideal sleep environment.

Limiting exposure to screens before bedtime is important due to the blue light emitted by electronic devices. This light can interfere with your body’s production of melatonin, a hormone that regulates sleep. Try to avoid screens for at least an hour before bed, or use blue light filtering apps or glasses if you must use devices.

Avoiding caffeine and alcohol close to bedtime can also improve sleep quality. Caffeine is a stimulant that can interfere with your ability to fall asleep, while alcohol may help you fall asleep faster but can lead to disrupted sleep later in the night. Try to avoid these substances for several hours before bedtime for optimal sleep quality.

Mindfulness and Meditation in Anger Management

Mindfulness and meditation practices have gained significant attention in recent years for their potential benefits in emotional regulation, including anger management. How can these practices contribute to better anger control, and what are some simple techniques to incorporate mindfulness into daily life?

Mindfulness involves paying attention to the present moment without judgment. This practice can help individuals become more aware of their thoughts and emotions, including anger, without becoming overwhelmed by them. Regular meditation practice can strengthen this ability, leading to improved emotional regulation and reduced reactivity to anger-inducing situations.

Mindfulness Techniques for Anger Management

• Body scan meditation
• Mindful breathing exercises
• Loving-kindness meditation
• Mindful walking
• Observing thoughts without judgment

The body scan meditation is a technique where you systematically focus your attention on different parts of your body, noticing any sensations without trying to change them. This practice can help you become more aware of the physical signs of anger in your body, allowing you to catch and address anger before it escalates.

Mindful breathing exercises involve focusing your attention on your breath, noticing the sensation of each inhale and exhale. This simple practice can be done anywhere and at any time, making it an excellent tool for managing anger in the moment. When you feel anger rising, taking a few mindful breaths can help create space between the trigger and your response.

Loving-kindness meditation involves directing feelings of compassion and goodwill towards yourself and others. This practice can be particularly beneficial for anger management as it helps cultivate empathy and understanding, reducing the likelihood of angry reactions towards others.

Mindful walking is a form of moving meditation where you pay close attention to the physical sensations of walking. This can be a great way to incorporate mindfulness into your daily routine and can serve as a calming technique when feeling angry or frustrated.

Learning to observe your thoughts without judgment is a key aspect of mindfulness that can significantly impact anger management. By practicing this skill, you can create distance between yourself and your angry thoughts, reducing their power over your emotions and actions.

Incorporating these mindfulness techniques into your daily routine can gradually improve your ability to manage anger. Start with short sessions of 5-10 minutes and gradually increase the duration as you become more comfortable with the practice. Remember that like any skill, mindfulness improves with consistent practice.

Controlling Anger — Before It Controls You

Relaxation

Simple relaxation tools, such as deep breathing and
relaxing imagery, can help calm down angry feelings. There are books and
courses that can teach you relaxation techniques, and once you learn
the techniques, you can call upon them in any situation. If you are
involved in a relationship where both partners are hot-tempered, it
might be a good idea for both of you to learn these techniques.

Some simple steps you can try:

• Breathe deeply, from your diaphragm; breathing from your chest won’t relax you. Picture your breath coming up from your “gut.”

• Slowly repeat a calm word or phrase such as “relax,” “take it easy.” Repeat it to yourself while breathing deeply.

• Use imagery; visualize a relaxing experience, from either your memory or your imagination.

• Nonstrenuous, slow yoga-like exercises can relax your muscles and make you feel much calmer.

Practice these techniques daily. Learn to use them automatically when you’re in a tense situation.

Cognitive Restructuring

Simply put, this means changing the way you think. Angry
people tend to curse, swear, or speak in highly colorful terms that
reflect their inner thoughts. When you’re angry, your thinking can get
very exaggerated and overly dramatic. Try replacing these thoughts with
more rational ones. For instance, instead of telling yourself, “oh, it’s
awful, it’s terrible, everything’s ruined,” tell yourself, “it’s
frustrating, and it’s understandable that I’m upset about it, but it’s
not the end of the world and getting angry is not going to fix it
anyhow.”

Be careful of words like “never” or “always” when talking
about yourself or someone else. “This !&*%@ machine never works,” or
“you’re always forgetting things” are not just inaccurate, they also
serve to make you feel that your anger is justified and that there’s no
way to solve the problem. They also alienate and humiliate people who
might otherwise be willing to work with you on a solution.

Remind yourself that getting angry is not going to fix
anything, that it won’t make you feel better (and may actually make you
feel worse).

Logic defeats anger, because anger, even when it’s
justified, can quickly become irrational. So use cold hard logic on
yourself. Remind yourself that the world is “not out to get you,” you’re
just experiencing some of the rough spots of daily life. Do this each
time you feel anger getting the best of you, and it’ll help you get a
more balanced perspective. Angry people tend to demand things: fairness,
appreciation, agreement, willingness to do things their way. Everyone
wants these things, and we are all hurt and disappointed when we don’t
get them, but angry people demand them, and when their demands aren’t
met, their disappointment becomes anger. As part of their cognitive
restructuring, angry people need to become aware of their demanding
nature and translate their expectations into desires. In other words,
saying, “I would like” something is healthier than saying, “I demand” or
“I must have” something. When you’re unable to get what you want, you
will experience the normal reactions—frustration, disappointment,
hurt—but not anger. Some angry people use this anger as a way to avoid
feeling hurt, but that doesn’t mean the hurt goes away.

Problem Solving

Sometimes, our anger and frustration are caused by very
real and inescapable problems in our lives. Not all anger is misplaced,
and often it’s a healthy, natural response to these difficulties. There
is also a cultural belief that every problem has a solution, and it adds
to our frustration to find out that this isn’t always the case. The
best attitude to bring to such a situation, then, is not to focus on
finding the solution, but rather on how you handle and face the problem.

Make a plan, and check your progress along the way. Resolve
to give it your best, but also not to punish yourself if an answer
doesn’t come right away. If you can approach it with your best
intentions and efforts and make a serious attempt to face it head-on,
you will be less likely to lose patience and fall into all-or-nothing
thinking, even if the problem does not get solved right away.

Better Communication

Angry people tend to jump to—and act on—conclusions, and
some of those conclusions can be very inaccurate. The first thing to do
if you’re in a heated discussion is slow down and think through your
responses. Don’t say the first thing that comes into your head, but slow
down and think carefully about what you want to say. At the same time,
listen carefully to what the other person is saying and take your time
before answering.

Listen, too, to what is underlying the anger. For instance,
you like a certain amount of freedom and personal space, and your
“significant other” wants more connection and closeness. If he or she
starts complaining about your activities, don’t retaliate by painting
your partner as a jailer, a warden, or an albatross around your neck.

It’s natural to get defensive when you’re criticized, but
don’t fight back. Instead, listen to what’s underlying the words: the
message that this person might feel neglected and unloved. It may take a
lot of patient questioning on your part, and it may require some
breathing space, but don’t let your anger—or a partner’s—let a
discussion spin out of control. Keeping your cool can keep the situation
from becoming a disastrous one.

Using Humor

“Silly humor” can help defuse rage in a number of ways. For
one thing, it can help you get a more balanced perspective. When you
get angry and call someone a name or refer to them in some imaginative
phrase, stop and picture what that word would literally look like. If
you’re at work and you think of a coworker as a “dirtbag” or a
“single-cell life form,” for example, picture a large bag full of dirt
(or an amoeba) sitting at your colleague’s desk, talking on the phone,
going to meetings. Do this whenever a name comes into your head about
another person. If you can, draw a picture of what the actual thing
might look like. This will take a lot of the edge off your fury; and
humor can always be relied on to help unknot a tense situation.

The underlying message of highly angry people, Dr.
Deffenbacher says, is “things oughta go my way!” Angry people tend to
feel that they are morally right, that any blocking or changing of their
plans is an unbearable indignity and that they should NOT have to
suffer this way. Maybe other people do, but not them!

When you feel that urge, he suggests, picture yourself as a
god or goddess, a supreme ruler, who owns the streets and stores and
office space, striding alone and having your way in all situations while
others defer to you. The more detail you can get into your imaginary
scenes, the more chances you have to realize that maybe you are being
unreasonable; you’ll also realize how unimportant the things you’re
angry about really are. There are two cautions in using humor. First,
don’t try to just “laugh off” your problems; rather, use humor to help
yourself face them more constructively. Second, don’t give in to harsh,
sarcastic humor; that’s just another form of unhealthy anger expression.

What these techniques have in common is a refusal to take
yourself too seriously. Anger is a serious emotion, but it’s often
accompanied by ideas that, if examined, can make you laugh.

Changing Your Environment

Sometimes it’s our immediate surroundings that give us
cause for irritation and fury. Problems and responsibilities can weigh
on you and make you feel angry at the “trap” you seem to have fallen
into and all the people and things that form that trap.

Give yourself a break. Make sure you have some “personal
time” scheduled for times of the day that you know are particularly
stressful. One example is the working mother who has a standing rule
that when she comes home from work, for the first 15 minutes “nobody
talks to Mom unless the house is on fire. ” After this brief quiet time,
she feels better prepared to handle demands from her kids without
blowing up at them.

Some Other Tips for Easing Up on Yourself

Timing: If you and your spouse tend to fight when you
discuss things at night—perhaps you’re tired, or distracted, or maybe
it’s just habit—try changing the times when you talk about important
matters so these talks don’t turn into arguments.

Avoidance: If your child’s chaotic room makes you furious
every time you walk by it, shut the door. Don’t make yourself look at
what infuriates you. Don’t say, “well, my child should clean up the room
so I won’t have to be angry!” That’s not the point. The point is to
keep yourself calm.

Finding alternatives: If your daily commute through traffic
leaves you in a state of rage and frustration, give yourself a
project—learn or map out a different route, one that’s less congested or
more scenic. Or find another alternative, such as a bus or commuter
train.

Strategies for controlling your anger: Keeping anger in check

Wrath, fury, rage — whatever you call it, anger is a powerful emotion. Unfortunately, it’s often an unhelpful one.

Anger is a natural human experience, and sometimes there are valid reasons to get mad like feeling hurt by something someone said or did or experiencing frustration over a situation at work or home. But uncontrolled anger can be problematic for your personal relationships and for your health.

Fortunately, there are tools you can learn to help you keep your anger in check.

Understanding anger

Anger can take different forms. Some people feel angry much of the time, or can’t stop dwelling on an event that made them mad. Others get angry less often, but when they do it comes out as explosive bouts of rage.

Whatever shape it takes, uncontrolled anger can negatively affect physical health and emotional wellbeing. Research shows that anger and hostility can increase people’s chances of developing coronary heart disease, and lead to worse outcomes in people who already have heart disease. Anger can also lead to stress-related problems including insomnia, digestive problems and headaches.

Anger can also contribute to violent and risky behaviors, including drug and alcohol use. And on top of all that, anger can significantly damage relationships with family, friends and colleagues.

Strategies to keep anger at bay

Anger can be caused by internal and external events. You might feel mad at a person, an entity like the company you work for, or an event like a traffic jam or a political election. Wherever the feelings come from, you don’t have to let your anger get the better of you. Here are some techniques to help you stay calm.

Check yourself. It’s hard to make smart choices when you’re in the grips of a powerful negative emotion. Rather than trying to talk yourself down from a cliff, avoid climbing it in the first place. Try to identify warning signs that you’re starting to get annoyed. When you recognize the signs, step away from the situation or try relaxation techniques to prevent your irritation from escalating.

Don’t dwell. Some people have a tendency to keep rehashing the incident that made them mad. That’s an unproductive strategy, especially if you have already resolved the issue that angered you in the first place. Instead, try to let go of the past incident. One way to do that is to focus instead on things you appreciate about the person or the situation that made you angry.

Change the way you think. When you’re angry, it’s easy to feel like things are worse than they really are. Through a technique known as cognitive restructuring, you can replace unhelpful negative thoughts with more reasonable ones. Instead of thinking “Everything is ruined,” for example, tell yourself “This is frustrating, but it’s not the end of the world.”

Try these strategies to reframe your thinking:

• Avoid words like “never” or “always” when talking about yourself or others. Statements like “This never works” or “You’re always forgetting things” make you feel your anger is justified. Such statements also alienate people who might otherwise be willing to work with you on a solution.
• Use logic. Even when it’s justified, anger can quickly become irrational. Remind yourself that the world is not out to get you. Do this each time you start feeling angry, and you’ll get a more balanced perspective.
• Translate expectations into desires. Angry people tend to demand things, whether it’s fairness, appreciation, agreement or willingness to do things their way. Try to change your demands into requests. And if things don’t go your way, try not to let your disappointment turn into anger.

Relax. Simple relaxation strategies, such as deep breathing and relaxing imagery, can help soothe angry feelings. If you practice one or more of these strategies often, it will be easier to apply them when angry feelings strike.

• Focused breathing. Shallow breathing is angry breathing. Practice taking controlled, slow breaths that you picture coming up from your belly rather than your chest.
• Use imagery. Visualize a relaxing experience from your memory or your imagination.
• Progressive muscle relaxation. With this technique, you slowly tense then relax each muscle group one at a time. For example, you might start with your toes and slowly work your way up to your head and neck.

Improve your communication skills. People often jump to conclusions when they’re angry, and they can say the first (often unkind) thing that pops into their heads. Try to stop and listen before reacting. Then take time to think carefully about how you want to reply. If you need to step away to cool down before continuing the conversation, make a promise to come back later to finish the discussion.

Get active. Regular physical exercise can help you decompress, burn off extra tension and reduce stress that can fuel angry outbursts.

Recognize (and avoid) your triggers. Give some thought to the things that make you mad. If you know you always get angry driving downtown at rush hour, take the bus or try to adjust your schedule to make the trip at a less busy time. If you always argue with your spouse at night, avoid bringing up contentious topics when you’re both tired. If you’re constantly annoyed that your child hasn’t cleaned his room, shut the door so you don’t have to look at the mess.

You can’t completely eliminate angry feelings. But you can make changes to the way those events affect you, and the ways in which you respond. By making the effort to keep your anger in check, you and the people close to you will be happier for the long run.

How a psychologist can help

If you continue to feel overwhelmed, consult with a psychologist or other licensed mental health professional who can help you learn how to control your anger. He or she can help you identify problem areas and then develop an action plan for changing them.

Anger management: 10 tips to tame your temper

Anger management: 10 tips to tame your temper

Keeping your temper in check can be challenging. Use simple anger management tips — from taking a timeout to using “I” statements — to stay in control.

By Mayo Clinic Staff

Do you fume when someone cuts you off in traffic? Does your blood pressure rocket when your child refuses to cooperate? Anger is a normal and even healthy emotion — but it’s important to deal with it in a positive way. Uncontrolled anger can take a toll on both your health and your relationships.

Ready to get your anger under control? Start by considering these 10 anger management tips.

1. Think before you speak

In the heat of the moment, it’s easy to say something you’ll later regret. Take a few moments to collect your thoughts before saying anything — and allow others involved in the situation to do the same.

2. Once you’re calm, express your anger

As soon as you’re thinking clearly, express your frustration in an assertive but nonconfrontational way. State your concerns and needs clearly and directly, without hurting others or trying to control them.

3. Get some exercise

Physical activity can help reduce stress that can cause you to become angry. If you feel your anger escalating, go for a brisk walk or run, or spend some time doing other enjoyable physical activities.

4. Take a timeout

Timeouts aren’t just for kids. Give yourself short breaks during times of the day that tend to be stressful. A few moments of quiet time might help you feel better prepared to handle what’s ahead without getting irritated or angry.

5. Identify possible solutions

Instead of focusing on what made you mad, work on resolving the issue at hand. Does your child’s messy room drive you crazy? Close the door. Is your partner late for dinner every night? Schedule meals later in the evening — or agree to eat on your own a few times a week. Remind yourself that anger won’t fix anything and might only make it worse.

6. Stick with ‘I’ statements

To avoid criticizing or placing blame — which might only increase tension — use “I” statements to describe the problem. Be respectful and specific. For example, say, “I’m upset that you left the table without offering to help with the dishes” instead of “You never do any housework.”

7. Don’t hold a grudge

Forgiveness is a powerful tool. If you allow anger and other negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice. But if you can forgive someone who angered you, you might both learn from the situation and strengthen your relationship.

8. Use humor to release tension

Lightening up can help diffuse tension. Use humor to help you face what’s making you angry and, possibly, any unrealistic expectations you have for how things should go. Avoid sarcasm, though — it can hurt feelings and make things worse.

9. Practice relaxation skills

When your temper flares, put relaxation skills to work. Practice deep-breathing exercises, imagine a relaxing scene, or repeat a calming word or phrase, such as “Take it easy. ” You might also listen to music, write in a journal or do a few yoga poses — whatever it takes to encourage relaxation.

10. Know when to seek help

Learning to control anger is a challenge for everyone at times. Seek help for anger issues if your anger seems out of control, causes you to do things you regret or hurts those around you.

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Show references

1. Sood A. Relationships. In: The Mayo Clinic Handbook for Happiness: A 4-Step Plan for Resilient Living. Cambridge, Mass.: Da Capo Press/Lifelong Books; 2015.
2. Pish S, et al. Anger management program participants gain behavioral changes in interpersonal relationships. Journal of Extension. 2016;55:e1. https://joe.org/joe/2016october/a3.php. Accessed Jan. 18, 2017.
3. Mehta M, et al., eds. Anger management. In: A Practical Approach to Cognitive Behaviour Therapy for Adolescents. New Dehli, India: Springer India; 2015.
4. Controlling anger before it controls you. American Psychological Association. http://www.apa.org/topics/anger/control.aspx. Accessed Jan. 18, 2017.
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5 ways to create more happiness

5 ways to create more happiness

Feel more joy by bringing consciousness, gratitude and fun into your day. Try these five practices to boost your happiness.

By Charlene M. Martin Lillie

It may seem hard to believe, but there is a lot of truth behind the idea that happiness is a choice. Even though genetics and life circumstances play a role in your level of happiness, you do have control over much of it. It’s unrealistic, of course, to snap your fingers and decide to be happy. But if you bring consciousness, gratitude and even frivolity to your day, you’ll likely feel more joyful. So, just how can you do that?

Try these five ways to boost your level of happiness:

1. Reconnect with what brings you joy. From throwing around a baseball to taking art classes, everyone has activities they used to enjoy. Perhaps a busy schedule or aging body got you out of the habit or made you feel like you should quit. Regardless of the reason you stopped, give those fun activities a try again. Reconnecting with what you love to do is a simple way to increase your joy.
2. Get in the zone. Have you ever been so involved in something that time seems to stand still and your concerns seem to disappear? This is called being in a state of flow. It’s a state of complete engagement in the task at hand, and it can boost your happiness. Playing a musical instrument and getting lost in a good book are examples of how you can get into the flow.
3. Find novelty in everyday life. Your brain is attracted to things that are new or novel. When you are paying attention to something new, you are focused on the present moment, which can boost feelings of happiness. Engage your brain by finding something new or seeing something in a new way. You don’t have to go bungee jumping off the Eiffel Tower. Start with something small, such as lying in the grass and looking up at the clouds. Although the clouds and grass aren’t new, each cloud is different, and be honest, when is the last time you did this?
4. Put yourself first. There will always be something you “should” be doing. That to-do list will never end. It’s up to you to find balance. If you keep a calendar, add something at least once a week that’s just for you. Let your family know that this is a priority, so you don’t risk canceling as soon as something else pops up.
5. Immerse yourself in nature. Spending time in nature can reduce stress and increase feelings of vitality, awe, gratitude and compassion. The natural world helps remind people that they are but small beings on this planet and gives them a greater sense of the whole. Nature nurtures and restores. It is one of the greatest resources for happiness.

Experiments

1. Make a list of activities that you used to enjoy but have given up in recent years. Choose one to reconnect with and dedicate at least two weeks to it. See if this activity makes you happier and consider making time for it again.
2. Spend at least 10 minutes a day outside. Pay attention to the trees, grass, water, breeze or whatever else surrounds you.
3. Consider things that have made you both happy and unhappy in the past. Make a list and let it help guide your path to happiness.

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Change your mind to grow

Change your mind to grow

These growth mindset tactics will help you recover faster from a setback and improve your ability to take criticism.

By Mayo Clinic Staff

Can you change the way you think about yourself and your mindset? Or improve how you feel just by altering your thoughts?

Turns out… yes.

Your brain is malleable and constantly adjusting. This (thankfully) gives you the ability to learn and adapt throughout life. But, sometimes, your thought patterns get the better of you.

The fixed mindset

Throughout life, people have probably commented on your abilities — a parent saying you’re smart, a teacher recognizing you were good at math, a boss calling you a hard worker.

Over time, these messages can “fix” how you see yourself. People call you smart, so you must be. Eventually, this view of yourself will slam into life’s inevitable failures or criticisms. What happens then?

The fixed mind interprets common setbacks and mistakes as a personal shortcoming or lack of ability. This results in:

• Negative emotions
• Self-doubt
• Blaming of others
• Quickness to give up
• Avoidance of challenges in the future

Fortunately, your mindset doesn’t have to be fixed for life.

The growth mindset

Enter the growth mindset. Folks with this outlook understand that they can develop their abilities and adapt them to different situations.They know mistakes are inevitable, which helps them recover more quickly from setbacks.

The growth mindset values:

• Effort to achieve goals
• Opportunities to learn from mistakes
• New challenges
• Constructive feedback
• Resilience in the face of setbacks

A growth mindset correlates with good physical and psychological health and is a strong predictor of achievement. Students with a growth mindset engage with school more fully and have better grades over time.

Cultivate a mindset for growth

Try applying any of these growth mindset tactics the next time you face a challenge.

1. Understand that your brain is like a muscle — regular exercise makes it stronger. Give your brain new challenges. Feed it new knowledge and focus it for longer periods of time. These exercises create new and denser connections of neurons, which will make your brain more powerful. Also, ask yourself if you see challenges as an opportunity or a threat.
2. Boost your confidence and recall times when you successfully learned something and increased your understanding. Was there a time when you didn’t know how to do something, then practiced it and got better?
3. Try a “Saying is believing” exercise. Identify a struggle — perhaps it’s exercising, saving money or a project at work. Imagine writing a letter to someone struggling with the same issue. What advice would you give? Explaining how someone else can respond makes it easier to recall those thoughts and put them into action for yourself.
4. Try evoking any of these thoughts to kick-start a growth mindset.

• Think, “I am curious to learn what will happen if I try this challenge.” This will keep you from focusing on a particular outcome or expectation.
• If you aren’t 100 percent successful at reaching a goal, try thinking: “I will try a different approach the next time I do this and apply what I learned the first go-round.”
• After achieving a goal or action, ask yourself what you did to make that happen. Note the process and mindset when entering into action.

Adjusting to a growth mindset will give you more resilience in the face of challenges and better outcomes throughout life. So accept some new opportunities in your life, and then learn and grow from them.

March 10, 2021

Show references

1. Schroder HS, et al. Mindset induction effects on cognitive control: A neurobehavioral investigation. Biological Psychology. 2014;103:27.
2. Klein J, et al. A growth mindset approach to preparing trainees for medical error. BMJ Quality & Safety. 2017;26:771.
3. Rattan A, et al. Leveraging mindsets to promote academic achievement: Policy recommendations. Perspectives on Psychological Science. 2015;10:721.
4. Chao MM, et al. Do rewards reinforce the growth mindset? Joint effects of the growth mindset and incentive schemes in a field intervention. Journal of Experimental Psychology: General. 2017;146:1402.
5. Claro S, et al. Growth mindset tempers the effects of poverty on academic achievement. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. 2016;113:1.
6. Yeager DS, et al. Using design thinking to improve psychological interventions: The case of the growth mindset during the transition to high school. Journal of Educational Psychology. 2016;108:374.

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Your Anger Management Guide: Best Techniques & Exercises

Maybe you have a no-nonsense approach to life, or perhaps you are just angry.

“Pathological anger can ruin your relationships, career, and health if you don’t take action,” but there are techniques that can help (Dyer, 2020, p. 14).

We know that everyone gets angry, but letting it get out of control is harmful. Anger management treatment helps people lead a full, happy, and healthy life (Karmin, 2017).

This article provides tips, techniques, and strategies taken from anger management therapy. It also introduces exercises and activities to take charge of emotions and keep anger under control.

Before you continue, we thought you might like to download our three Emotional Intelligence Exercises for free. These science-based exercises will not only enhance your ability to understand and work with your anger emotions, but also give you the tools to foster the emotional intelligence of your clients, students, or employees.

Conducting Anger Management Therapy: 10+ Tips

We don’t have to accept destructive anger-driven behavior, and, perhaps more importantly, neither should others. There is a wealth of literature and advice available to regain control of our emotions.

Anger is a real problem in society. Studies suggest that “eight percent of the adult population find it hard to control their temper,” and any of us can develop an anger problem (Dyer, 2020, p. 14).

There are, however, several tips that can start or keep us on the path to managing our emotions. We’ve included some of the best below (modified from Dyer, 2020).

Identify if you have an anger problem

While a degree of anger is normal and at times helpful in our lives, we need to ask ourselves if we get consumed by rage. For example, do we lose control when we feel disrespected or see someone else treated poorly?

Key indications of a serious anger problem include the following (Dyer, 2020):

1. Your anger feels too strong to handle.
2. You are angry regularly.
3. You get angry over things that don’t seem to affect other people.
4. Your anger affects your relationships and work.
5. Your anger turns to aggression or violence.
6. You engage in unhealthy coping mechanisms to handle your behavior.

Recognizing there is a problem is the first step toward change (Karmin, 2017).

Learn to cope with your emotions

Finding techniques that help you cope with strong emotions and break the anger cycle is an essential next step in anger management (Dyer, 2020).

Out-of-control anger means that your emotions are dictating your behavior. Dyer (2020) offers several techniques to regain mastery over feelings and avoid acting in a destructive or harmful way.

1. Distance yourself
   Physically removing yourself from an emotional situation can immediately bring relief. However, if that’s not possible, psychological distance can help. Imagining someone else experiencing the problem or looking in on yourself can help you respond more rationally.
2. Practice deep breathing
   Breathing slowly and deeply is a powerful method for restoring logical, less emotional thinking and encouraging feelings of relaxation (Nestor, 2020).
3. Ask for time out
   Before you do or say something regrettable, excuse yourself. Get a few minutes away from the heat of the situation to regain composure and more logical thinking.
4. Engage in physical activity
   In the heat of anger, your body is on fire with endorphins and stress hormones that prepare you for action. Take a walk, ideally outside, to restore physical (as well as mental) balance.
5. Change your posture and facial expression
   Surprisingly, altering your body language can be effective at changing how others see you and how you feel. Relaxing your arms and shoulders and unclenching your fists can help (Cuddy, 2018).
6. Laugh
   If you can see the humor in the situation and it’s appropriate, laughter can create a temporary distraction or change a tense dynamic.
7. Play calming or happy music
   Listening to bright or relaxing music can be distracting and an effective way to decompress.

Seek medical help

Physical illness and physiological changes can cause emotional shifts. Seek medical help for severe mood swings and unexpected anger (Dyer, 2020; U.S. National Library of Medicine, 2021).

Medical assessments for these types of symptoms may include running tests, asking about, or discussing the possibility of:

• Hormonal imbalances
• Blood sugar problems and diabetes
• Neurological issues
• Eating disorders
• Depression
• Addiction
• Family history of mental health
• Handling stress (recent significant changes in life, such as divorce, death of a loved one)
• Organic diseases (Parkinson’s, epilepsy, tumors, etc.)
• Head injury

While none of these factors are excuses for lashing out at others, they may suggest underlying factors worsening the situation.

Develop the skills to manage anger

The goal of managing your anger is to avoid saying or doing things that you will later regret. Managing your anger involves developing the skills necessary to successfully (Karmin, 2017):

• Express yourself
• Take care of yourself
• Build resilience and tolerance regarding frustration
• Maintain a positive outlook

Ask yourself, what is the hardest part of managing your anger when you are:

• Expressing yourself?
• Taking care of yourself?
• Tolerating frustration?
• Maintaining a positive outlook?

Use the answers to reflect on what you could do differently, and learn how to show yourself and others more compassion.

7 Anger Management Techniques & Strategies

The following approaches can help someone respond differently to people and events that typically cause them to become angry.

Understand the anger management cycle

In Anger Management – How to Take Control of Your Emotions and Find Joy in Life, Judy Dyer (2020) says that once you recognize the factors involved in triggering angry responses, you can learn how to break the anger cycle.

A typical angry response is the result of the following steps (modified from Dyer, 2020):

1. Something happens to annoy or upset you (triggering event).
2. Negative or irrational thoughts kick in.
3. Such thoughts lead to unpleasant emotions.
4. You start to experience physical symptoms of anger (hot flash, sweating, shaking, clenched fists).
5. You react (behavior), possibly yelling, crying, arguing, lashing out, or withdrawing.

It doesn’t have to be this way. According to Dyer (2020), you can break the cycle.

Challenge your thoughts

Therapists often begin by focusing on a client’s negative thoughts or cognitive distortions (Dyer, 2020).

Ask your clients to consider whether the following statements hold true for them:

• You only focus on things people have done to annoy you (filtering).
• You see everything in the extreme, using words such as never, always, or every (overgeneralization).
• You ignore your role in a situation and blame others instead (blaming).
• You daydream about how you will get even or seek revenge (blueprinting).
• You insist everyone around you acts in a certain way. If they don’t comply, you get angry (should-ing).

Ask your clients to challenge their negative thinking using the following steps (Dyer, 2020):

1. Write the thought down.
2. Reflect on how you feel when you have this thought.
3. Think about the type of cognitive distortion you might be using.
4. Identify how fully you accept (believe) this thought on a scale from 1 (not at all) to 10 (completely).
5. Identify a more helpful thought to reframe the situation.

Consider,

What advice would you give to a friend?
What supporting evidence do you have?
Is this a helpful thought?
What will you think in a week/month/year?

6. Re-score how fully you accept this new thought, from 1 (not at all) to 10 (completely).

If the score is less than five, come up with a new thought.

7. How does it feel to hold on to this new thought?

Perhaps you feel less angry, lighter, and calmer.

When you next get angry, notice your thoughts. Are they cognitive distortions or negative thoughts? Could you replace them?

Anger in relationships

“Angry people often have angry relationships” says Dyer (2020, p. 53).

Over time, both partners can fall into a pattern of habitual anger unless the anger cycle is shut down. Instead, try to share one another’s needs and wants, and address issues as they arise.

Dyer (2020) suggests the following strategies:

• Take a step back
  Imagine someone else in your situation. How would you advise them?
• Reframe the situation
  When your partner lets you down (perhaps they forget to go to the store), try a more sympathetic interpretation. Rather than escalate a mistake into something more serious, try reframing it.
  Focus on the facts rather than an immediate, emotional reaction.
• Use constructive communication
  Show respect and maturity when talking to your partner. This includes:
  • Being honest
  • Allowing the other person time and opportunity to share their views
  • Using ‘I’ statements when talking about feelings
  • Being compassionate
  • Working together toward a solution
  • Avoiding insults, shouting, unfounded accusations, dragging up the past, and sarcasm
• Seek understanding
  Rather than focusing on winning the argument or suggesting that the other person is overreacting, aim for understanding.
• Plan for difficult conversations
  Write down the points you need to cover, and practice discussing sensitive subjects.

Top 4 Exercises, Activities, & Games for Adults

The following exercises and activities will help you identify, manage, and express your anger or your clients’ in more positive ways.

1. Socializing

Fostering relationships is a worthwhile investment. Discussing problems and emotional upsets with friends and relatives can help control and manage emotions.

Not only that, “spending time with friends and acquaintances whose company you enjoy can inoculate you against stress and anger” (Catalano, 2018, p. 117).

2. Exercise and sports

Sports and exercise help manage anger and control emotions (Pels & Kleinert, 2016).

Walking, running, and gardening are effective at lowering anxiety levels, improving mood, and offering protection from stress and irritability (Catalano, 2018).

3. Eating well

Our microbiome (bacteria in our gut) has a significant impact on our emotional and mental wellbeing. Research shows that gut health is essential to every organ in the body, including the brain (Thomson, 2019).

Eating a healthy, balanced diet can positively affect our cognitive and emotional state (Thomson, 2019).

4. Taking a breath

Deep, slow breathing can have a positive effect on anxiety and depression.

A change to our breathing pattern, even a temporary one, can increase the blood flow and function of the brain and benefit both our physical and emotional wellbeing (Nestor, 2020).

Useful Worksheets and Helpful Questions

Anger management starts with understanding the triggers.

Once these triggers have been identified, it is possible to avoid them, reduce their effect, or find ways to maintain emotional control (Dyer, 2020).

The following questions and exercise worksheets can help.

Anger Management Journal

Understanding your history with anger can provide valuable insights into what triggers outbursts or damaging behavior (Karmin, 2017).

The questions in the Anger Management Journal prompt you to consider what happened, how you reacted angrily, and how you could have done things differently.

Once you have captured several incidents of anger, you can begin to identify patterns and plan coping mechanisms to use in the future.

Tuning In to Your Anger

The better you understand your anger, the more likely you are to manage your feelings and behavior, and cope with your emotions (Karmin, 2017).

The Tuning In to Your Anger worksheet asks a series of questions to understand the physical, emotional, and behavioral signs of anger.

The answers can improve your awareness of rising extreme emotions, such as anger.

Challenging Angry Thoughts

“Distorted thinking involves thoughts that flash into your mind and make you feel worse” (Karmin, 2017). We all have them, and they are particularly relevant leading up to or during angry outbursts.

The Challenging Angry Thoughts worksheet explores whether you are making errors in how you interpret situations and helps you identify recurring patterns in your thinking.

The answers can help you recognize that your thinking patterns are sometimes distorted and explore how you could interpret them differently and more positively.

Imagining Being Able to Manage Anger

Anger management can be learned. Using suitable techniques, individuals will become better at identifying their anger triggers and implementing coping mechanisms. Clients can bring their anger under control.

Use the Imagining Being Able to Manage Anger worksheet to picture how life would be if you were able to get a grip on your anger.

The following questions form the acronym FADE (Catalano, 2018):

• Feel
  Imagine how you will feel emotionally and physically when you can manage your anger.
• Appear
  Imagine how you will appear differently when you can manage your anger.
• Do
  Imagine what you will do differently when you can manage your anger.
• Empower
  Imagine what you will be empowered to do when you can manage your anger.

The worksheet can be kept and reviewed as a reminder of the client’s goals for managing anger and how their life will look when they gain that control.

Releasing Resentment

Resentment can be another path to anger (Catalano, 2018)

Using the Releasing Resentment worksheet, respond to a series of prompts to reflect on the resentment you may be harboring and explore what it might be like if it were released.

Improving the client’s understanding of factors that fuel their anger can help them become aware of and manage the triggers.

Spot-check of Your Anger

Sometimes we are unaware of our anger and may fail to notice it building within us.

Use the Spot-check of Your Anger worksheet to review your anger, bring feelings into focus, and consider the actions you need to take.

Alternative Anger Management Methods

There are other ways of identifying the triggers that lead to anger and managing our emotional responses, including the following.

Best anger management apps

Apps promoting mental health are portable and accessible, and can provide valuable interventions at any time.

Here are three of our favorites.

Happify

Happify offers evidence-based solutions for handling stress and life’s challenges. This app helps users improve their mental wellbeing and manage anger by forming new, healthy habits.

Headspace

Headspace is a top-rated app that successfully promotes mindfulness and meditation skills. Such techniques are highly effective at gaining composure and objectively looking at our emotions, including anger.

Calm

Calm is another highly valued app that can reduce stress and anxiety by adopting a calm outlook in challenging situations. Use the tool to balance life, manage stress, understand related emotions, and adopt a more positive, healthy outlook.

Yoga

Yoga is one of the most widely practiced alternative treatments in the United States and has been linked to several health benefits, including alleviating asthma and depression (Brown, Eubanks, & Keating, 2017).

Brown et al. (2017) confirmed the benefits of practicing yoga for improving relaxation, quality of life, and anger management.

Anger management journals

Journaling is a well-used and valuable component of many therapy treatments (Myles & Shafran, 2015). Whether using a paper journal or digital apps, capturing and tracking the triggers and incidents of anger is a valuable and powerful technique for gaining emotional control and self-knowledge (Karmin, 2017).

Best Resources From PositivePsychology.com

We have many practical tools and worksheets for better understanding and managing emotions and maintaining a calm outlook when it’s most needed. Some of these are from our Positive Psychology Toolkit, an online library of exercises, tests, and interventions for mental healthcare professionals.

• Imagery-Based Exposure Worksheet
  This tool contains seven steps that help a client recall and accept a difficult memory using imagery, and come to terms with the emotions that arise.
• Decatastrophizing Worksheet
  These five questions help clients to decatastrophize an event and explore the facts to see it more honestly.
• S.A.F.E. Self-Compassion Practice
  Cultivating an attitude of self-compassion can strengthen an accepting relationship with oneself and reduce overall psychological distress.
• Emotional Regulation Wheel
  This tool helps clients identify their existing emotional regulation strategies and consider more effective alternatives.
• Acting Opposite to Urges
  Anger can urge us to strike out verbally or even physically. This tool helps clients learn how to act contrary to their urges.
• The Intensity of Emotions Diagram
  Use this tool to help clients become more aware of the intensity of a particular emotion over a more extended period.
• 17 Positive Communication Exercises
  If you’re looking for more science-based ways to help others communicate better, this collection contains 17 validated positive communication tools for practitioners. Use them to help others improve their communication skills and form deeper and more positive relationships.

A Take-Home Message

We all get angry, but when it becomes out of control, damaging our relationships at home and work, we need to seek help. Whether it originates in genetics, family background, imitation of others, parenting, or stress, extreme anger can wreck lives (Dyer, 2020).

Anger can become a habit. We end up stuck in a pattern of overreacting to minor issues or handling our emotions poorly (Dyer, 2020).

However, if we can recognize our lack of control as an issue, it is possible to break the anger cycle by identifying triggers that cause us emotional upset.

By slowing down our thinking and examining our thought processes, we can prevent angry thoughts from escalating and restore control.

Changing how we look at the problems we face and recognizing emotions without being consumed by them can break the chain of command between trigger and outburst.

The worksheets and strategies in this article help prevent and manage anger before we lose control. Try them out on yourself or with clients to see when each one is most effective.

We hope you enjoyed reading this article. Don’t forget to download our three Emotional Intelligence Exercises for free.

• Brown, J. L., Eubanks, C., & Keating, A. (2017). Yoga, quality of life, anxiety, and trauma in low-income adults with mental illness: A mixed-methods study. Social Work in Mental Health, 15(3), 308–330.
• Catalano, J. (2018). The anger management workbook for women: 5-Step guide to managing your emotions and breaking the cycle of anger. Althea Press.
• Cuddy, A. J. (2018). Presence: Bringing your boldest self to your biggest challenges. Little, Brown Spark.
• Dyer, J. (2020). Anger management: How to take control of your emotions and find joy in life. Pristine.
• Karmin, A. (2017). Anger management workbook for men: Take control of your anger and master your emotions. Althea Press.
• Myles, P., & Shafran, R. (2015). The CBT handbook: A comprehensive guide to using CBT to overcome depression, anxiety and anger. Robinson.
• Nestor, J. (2020). Breath: The new science of a lost art. Penguin Books.
• Pels, F., & Kleinert, J. (2016). Does exercise reduce aggressive feelings? An experiment examining the influence of movement type and social task conditions on testiness and anger reduction. Perceptual and Motor Skills, 122(3), 971–987.
• Thomson, H. (2019, September 4). Healthy gut, happy mind: What to eat to boost how you feel. New Scientist. Retrieved May 29, 2021, from https://www.newscientist.com/article/mg24332460-600-healthy-gut-happy-mind-what-to-eat-to-boost-how-you-feel/
• U.S. National Library of Medicine. (2021). Mental health screening. MedlinePlus. Retrieved May 29, 2021, from https://medlineplus.gov/lab-tests/mental-health-screening/

Anger Management Techniques and Tips

What Is Anger Management?

Anger management is a way to lessen the effects that anger has on you. Anger is a normal reaction and feeling, so you can’t make it go away. But you can learn to manage it better.

Anger is a powerful feeling. It’s a normal and healthy emotion that happens when you are frustrated, hurt, annoyed, or disappointed. It could be the result of something that happens to you, something someone said or did, or something you remember. Anger can help or hurt you, depending on how you react to it. If you can react without hurting someone else, it can be good. It’s useful when we need to protect ourselves, and it can motivate you to change things. But it can also make you lash out in ways that you shouldn’t.

If you hold your anger inside, it can lead to passive-aggressive behavior like ”getting back” at people without telling them why or being critical and hostile. Knowing how to recognize and express these feelings in appropriate ways can help you handle emergencies, solve problems, and hold on to meaningful relationships.

Controlling Anger

When you’re angry, you might have feelings anywhere from a slight irritation to rage. When that happens, try this:

• Breathe deeply from your diaphragm.
• Give yourself a pep talk.
• Slowly repeat a calm word or phrase such as “relax” or “take it easy.” Repeat it to yourself while breathing deeply until the anger subsides.
• After that, express yourself clearly and calmly.

Angry outbursts are stressful to your nervous and cardiovascular systems and can make health problems worse. They also don’t usually have a productive outcome.

Other Anger Management Strategies

• Physical activity like regular exercise is a way to both improve your mood and release tension and anger.
• Avoid using recreational drugs and drinking too much alcohol, which can make you less able to handle frustration. Alcohol can also loosen your inhibitions so that you say or do something you normally wouldn’t.
• Get support from others. Talk through your feelings and try to work on changing your behaviors.
• If you have trouble realizing when you’re having angry thoughts, keep a written log of when you feel angry.
• Try to gain a different perspective by putting yourself in another’s place.
• Learn how to laugh at yourself and see humor in situations.
• Really listen. Listening can help improve communication and can build trusting feelings between people. This trust can help you deal with potentially hostile emotions. A useful communication exercise is to say to someone, “Let me make sure I understand what you’re saying” and then restate back to them what you think was their main message or point of view. This approach can help to clarify misunderstandings that can lead to frustrations, and identify issues on which you may ultimately “agree to disagree” without argument.
• Assert yourself, expressing your feelings calmly and directly without becoming defensive, hostile, or emotionally charged. Read self-help books or seek help from a professional therapist to learn how to use assertiveness and anger management skills.

Risks of Suppressed Anger

If you don’t deal with your anger, it can lead to anxiety and depression. It can disrupt your relationships and raise your risk of illness. Long-term anger has been linked to health problems including:

Unchecked anger also can be linked to crime, abuse, and other violent behavior.

Sometimes, a pattern of inappropriate anger can also be a symptom of a mood disorder, a personality disorder, a substance use problem, or another mental health problem.

Uncontrolled Anger Outlook

If you believe that your anger is out of control and is having a negative effect on your life and relationships, seek the help of a mental health professional. A psychologist or other licensed mental health professional can work with you to teach you techniques for changing your thinking and your behavior. A mental health professional can help you deal with your anger in an appropriate way.

Ask your doctor if medicines could be helpful. Sometimes, antidepressants, certain anticonvulsants, and low-dose antipsychotics can help manage sudden attacks of rage or anger. Avoid alcohol, short-acting benzodiazepines like Xanax, or street drugs that can make you say or do things more impulsively. Choose your therapist carefully, and make sure to talk to a professional trained to teach anger management and assertiveness skills.

Anger Management | Self-development | Our Psychology

“Jupiter, you are angry, then you are wrong.” This phrase often pops up in my head when, in a fit of anger, I start throwing thunder and lightning. Anger and brute force is not an argument. If you’re right, make an effort to cope with your anger and explain what you want in words. How to tame the outbreak of negative emotions?

Tatiana Amvrosimova,

psychologist, gestalt therapist

FRIEND WITH EMOTIONS

The first rule of , which helps to make friends with your emotions: when you feel anger, irritation or anger, try to analyze what need is behind this feeling and to whom, to which person it is directed.Having realized this, you can already think about how to resolve the situation.

Rule number two:

remember that emotion cannot be good or bad. Often, when we say that anger is bad, we do not mean the emotion itself, but the form of its expression. One person, expressing anger, will throw things against the wall or hit in the eye, another will bark something in the heat, the third will frown and stop talking, and so on. The way of expression should always be appropriate to the situation and environment.And it is much more productive to think about this question than about how to get rid of your emotions.

Lyudmila Boldyreva,

coach, psychologist, business coach

LEARNING ALARM

1. A sense of humor, or rather a benevolent attitude, allows you to see in any situation not a traumatic, offensive element for yourself, but a harmless, funny one. A benevolent joke over the situation (!), And not over the participants, is the best way to defuse the brewing conflict.

2.Remember: “Who is without sin …” After all, there were situations when you were wrong and your loved ones suffered from this? If you learn to forgive others more often, people will forgive you more easily. “The best cure for resentment is forgiveness.”

3. Treat the conflict as a learning situation. Analyze it. In the process of interaction, in every possible way emphasize the similarity of your positions, and not their difference. A German proverb says: “Even the biggest swine can get even a small piece of ham.”

TO CONTAIN OR NOT TO CONTAIN AGGRESSION?

That is the question. Psychologists and psychotherapists find a lot of pros and cons in both cases. They say that suppressed aggression leads to heart disease, high blood pressure, ulcers. And not restrained aggression is ruined relationships with colleagues, family and friends. And sometimes, what’s really there, physical injury and death.

Criminal history is known for such terrible cases as:

– Assassination of Javier Halos.He was killed by the owner of the apartment rented by Javier. The guy only held up his rent for eight years, and in a fit of anger, landlord Kerk Weston beat the tenant with a toilet seat.

– Or the murder of twenty-year-old Mahmoud Foley. He was killed by a Russian bandit for the fact that Mahmud, who worked as a waiter in a nightclub, removed his brother’s drink from the table too early. The bandit got so angry that he forced Mahmoud to drink 27 liters of soda from the ill-fated glass, and this resulted in the death of the waiter.

– And here is a murder motivated by a “domestic” quarrel: 20-year-old Julia Smith was killed on a cordless phone by her brother Michael for chatting too long.

All these are, of course, extremes. But how many times in anger have you, clenching your fists, repeating the phrase: “I would kill the bastard!”

Or maybe the lives of the people in these stories would have been saved if the killers had mastered anger management techniques …

The parable of the monkey. One day a man beat a monkey.She was angry, but did not know who to vent her anger on. Then she won back on a weaker one – on her cub. All fools in this world do the same.

Tatiana Amvrosimova:

– The question is “How to manage anger?” people often mean, “How can I stop being annoyed and angry?” This, of course, applies not only to anger, but also to any other emotion. In fact, it is impossible to get rid of any one emotion. You cannot learn to feel only joy, tenderness, while becoming insensitive to anger, shame or guilt.Any emotion is a marker that we have some kind of need. For example, a colleague asked me to do part of the work for him late at night, I sit, do and feel irritation and anger rising inside. I really didn’t want to do his job at all, but I was ashamed to refuse. In this case, irritation is a marker that I have committed violence against myself instead of saying no.

There are various reasons for anger. Sometimes we get angry when we feel injustice to ourselves.Sometimes we get angry with powerlessness. It happens that to the depths of my soul I am outraged by human sluggishness and inertia (or even laziness and stupidity). Psychologists know that anger can be a substitute emotion. He can also be righteous, convicting. But in any case – anger destroys us. It hurts. It inflicts wounds on the body and soul – both to the one who is “raging in emotion” at the moment, and to the one on whom this emotion is poured out. It is very difficult to make informed decisions in such a state. This is why we feel the need to learn how to control outbursts of anger.

We have all heard that there are various techniques for managing anger. But the average person’s ideas about them, as a rule, are somewhat distorted. There are many misconceptions and stereotypes around this topic.

Stereotype first

Anger management is anger suppression.

But no. Nobody says that anger must be suppressed, and only in this is the way out of the situation. Anger is generally natural. Controlling and suppressing are two different things.

Lyudmila Boldyreva:

– A person is designed in such a way that he must experience the whole range of emotions in his life, and if he suppresses some emotions, then they tend to accumulate in the body, causing various diseases.Anger, for example, provokes eye diseases, the appearance of wounds, sores, ulcers. The body itself begins to show in such a way that something is wrong, and in this case it is important to take care of your emotional state in order to avoid health problems.

Second stereotype

One effective way to manage your anger is to count to ten before taking action or responding to the stimulus.

Personally, I’ve never been able to do that. Maybe, of course, I am special.But first I’ll scream, break a couple of plates, and then I’ll count to ten.

L.B .:

– I think that this method does not work in relation to anger. Rather, it is appropriate if you need to deal with anxiety. By counting to ten, we automatically begin to breathe deeper, blood pressure and heart rate stabilize. Anger is important to respond. Because if something annoys us or pissed us off and we kept silent, then we will mentally be annoyed about this for a long time and these emotions will not let go.

Third stereotype

It is enough to transform the emotional outburst into physical effort, and everything will pass.

How many times have I observed how men, in a fit of anger, are silent, do not rip it off on their ladies (for example), but instead methodically try to break through the wall with their fists. It doesn’t make it any easier for anyone. Another thing is the outburst of not momentary, but accumulated aggression. For example, once, feeling too much negative charge in myself, I went to a shooting club.And under the guidance of experienced instructors, she launched a couple of target shops. It really helped. For about a week.

L.B .:

– This method is called “sublimation” – the translation of an unacceptable form of emotion into a more acceptable one. It works if you have an equivalent substitute for anger, like in your case a shooting club. If you feel anger all the time, then you need to go to the shooting club regularly, otherwise all this will not work. Here, as in physics: if energy is released, it must go somewhere.If it does not go anywhere, it will soon make itself felt with diseases.

AGGRESSION: FIGHT FOR PARTNERS

Evolutionary psychologists suggest that the manifestations of indirect aggression (humiliation, insults, and other non-violent acts) in adolescence are the result of a strategy in the competitive struggle between peers for resources, status and sexual partners. For example, one of the studies (White, Gallup & Gallup, 2010) tested this hypothesis by collecting data from 143 young people on the frequency of their aggressive behavior against peers and against themselves in school, on the time of their first sexual contact and the number of partners.These data were intended to answer the question of whether adolescent aggression predicts adult behavior.

It turned out that the manifestations of aggression among adolescents are of an intrasexual nature – boys offend boys, and girls – girls. Girls who are more aggressive tend to have a sex partner earlier than less aggressive girls, and girls who are bullied later.

The emergence of speech reduced the manifestations of violence, giving rise to indirect aggression – insults, threats and ridicule.Such aggression, however, activates the pain mechanism in the brain, causing real physical suffering, and is a powerful method of shaping and changing the social environment. The authors conclude that manifestations of indirect aggression in adolescents can at least predict the early reproductive life of a person.

White D. D., Gallup A. C., Gallup G. G. Indirect peer aggression in adolescence and reproductive behavior // Evol. Psychol. 2010.8 (1). 49-65.

Fourth stereotype

Are you angry? Do some sports.Imagine: you are very angry about something. But instead of somehow expressing your aggression, you fall to the floor and start doing push-ups. Comments, I think, are superfluous.

As for constant exercise as a preventive measure, it seems to me that this is a completely separate conversation. And by the way, there are also aggressive professional athletes.

L.B .:

– When a person goes in for sports, many hormones are released, including the hormone of pleasure.At this moment, he experiences “muscle joy”. Competitive sports are believed to be the best in dealing with anger. Games provide a lot of positive emotions, and there is also a physical release of anger.

Stereotype 5

Aggressive people cannot be remade. If she, for example, is hysterical, then nothing will help her. Or if he is used to assault, then no one and nothing will change him. There is an excellent parable about this.

One Zen student came to his teacher and asked:

– Master, I cannot control my emotions.I have an explosive personality. How can I get rid of it?

– Wow! Come on, show it to me! Show your character! – answered the teacher. – I want to see him!

“But I won’t be able to do it right now,” the student said.

– Well, okay, you will show it later. Come as soon as you can.

– But, teacher, I can’t. Outbursts of anger always happen unexpectedly. And I will calm down until I reach you.

– In that case, it cannot be a part of you. Otherwise, you could show me your anger at any moment. So whenever negative emotions take over you, hit yourself with a stick! Your “uncontrollable character” will not stand it and will run away, – the teacher said smiling.

L.B .:

– In this case, as in the joke: “How many psychologists do you need to change a light bulb?” – “One if the bulb is ready to change.” Not a single person can be changed if he himself does not want to.If a person has a desire to change, then there are many techniques for working with anger. First of all, you need to learn how to track such your states. For example, reflecting aggression, pay attention to the muscles of the abdomen and arms, relax them. Our body directly affects our emotions. By changing the position of the body, we also change the emotions.

An unusual building can be seen in the small Dutch town of Detinchem. Someone calls it a giant tooth. But in fact, this twelve-meter thing is called the Tower of Emotions.It was created to reflect the thoughts, feelings and moods of the city’s inhabitants.

To do this, they answer special questions in a questionnaire posted on the Internet. One recruited group of people answers them within six months. Then another group of volunteers is recruited and the questions are repeated. All answers are analyzed by a special program. According to the results of the analysis, the Tower of Emotions lights up every day in one of four colors: red means that love reigns in the city today; blue – happiness; yellow – fear; green is hatred.

AGE EXPLOSION

Young people are much more aggressive than adults, and young men are the most explosive. The more young people there are among the population of the country, the more likely conflicts are. Here, for example, data on Russia indicating the percentage of young people to the total population: Moscow and the Moscow region – 22%, the Oryol region – 19.5%, Ingushetia – 30.8%, Dagestan – 29.8%, Chechnya – 28.9 %.

American demographer Richard Cincotta, having analyzed the age structure of the population in countries where revolutions took place from 1972 to 1989, concluded that the outcome of the revolution and the system that will be established after it in the country depends on the age of the population.

Cincotta used an indicator called the median age. This is an age, older and younger than which there are the same number of people in the country. All countries where at the time of the revolution the median age was 25–35 years old, came to democracy. Nine out of ten countries with a median age below 25 have slipped back to undemocratic regimes. If the median age is over 35, then the revolution most often does not occur.

What explains this connection? Yanir BarYam of the New England Institute for Complex Systems (USA) believes that older people indicate that the society has developed social institutions and infrastructure.

For reference: the median age of the population of Russia in 1991 was 33 years old, now it is about 38 years old. It is difficult to say what he was in 1917, but according to the 1897 census, the median age was about 21 years.

http://www.newscientist.com/article/

http://www.fadm.gov.ru/regionmain/

SO WHAT TO DO TO LEARN TO MANAGE YOUR ANGER?

Every psychologist has his own advice on this matter.For example, Redford Williams, MD (author of the bestselling book Anger Kills) recommends keeping a so-called “enmity diary.” There you need to write down all the reasons that trigger anger in you during the day. The specialist is sure that by collecting and studying these reasons, you will gradually learn to manage them. In addition, if you have already realized that excessive negative emotions are your problem, do not hesitate to support others. After all, if they understand what is happening, it will be easier for them not to give you a reason for aggression.

Also, Dr. Williams advises to look at the situation from the outside more often. That is, for example, when you are annoyed by the actions of a particular person, try to put yourself in his place, and at the same time give him the right to make mistakes. After all, no one is immune from this.

Another good tip is to learn to relax. In a stressed state, we often react even to unpleasant little things. And in a calm one – we can easily distinguish situations in which it is foolish to spend our emotions.

Next step: learn to hear and listen.Misunderstanding each other is one of the most common causes of quarrels and anger. And more – learn to forgive. It is not as easy as it seems at first glance. An empty phrase “I’m not angry anymore” will not work, but will translate the resentment deep inside. Learn to let go for real. And remind yourself sometimes that life is short – is there any point in wasting it on quarrels, anger and showdown?

WATER AND BLOOD

One of the reasons for aggression is the struggle for resources. Scientists compared the level of rainfall and incidents of armed conflict in Africa and saw that the two variables are inversely related – the more rain, the less blood.Interestingly, comparisons were made in various African countries, sometimes differing from each other in all respects.

Potts M., Hayden T. Sex and war: how biology explains warfare and terrorism and offers a path to a safer world. Dallas, Tex .: Benbella Books, 2008.

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90,000 9 Methods of Anger Management for Parents | We and children

Photo from the site http: // detki.co.il

Photo from http://detki.co.il

Anger is a natural human emotion. There are many times when you see that your children are out of control and you get angry with them. Under the influence of a short-term emotion, you may say things that you later regret. This can have a negative impact on children in the long term. But even suppressing your anger can lead to problems such as frustration and depression. The key is to understand how to control your anger and channel it in a healthy direction.

Why is anger management important for parents?

Although anger is a natural emotion, it is not an option to express it by yelling at your children or anyone. Screaming can cause very negative feelings in your relationship with your children and even with your partner. As a parent, managing anger will help you channel the anger you feel into something right. It will also help show your kids that you are angry with them without scaring them. This, in turn, can help your children understand where they might have gone wrong.Hence, channeling your anger can also teach your children a more effective lesson.

How can your anger affect your child’s development?

First, it would interfere with the relationship you build with your children and your partner. Second, because of the fear of being reprimanded, your children may hide a lot from you. This can become a serious problem in the future, you will not be able to help your children when they really need it.

Photo from the site https://smartum.by

Photo from the site https://smartum.by

Thirdly, your every outburst affects the personality of your children – angry parents will force the child to grow up either into a depressed personality, or into an extremely angry person. Physically expressed anger can also cause irreparable physical and emotional harm to your child.

Recognizing your signs of anger

The first important step in controlling your anger is to understand the signs of anger.Once you are aware that your body is signaling one or more signs, you can slow down in time. Here are some signs:

• You are starting to breathe quickly.
• Your heart starts to beat very quickly.
• You start to think negatively, for example, no one supports me, and so on.
• You clench your jaws and palms.
• Your shoulders are starting to tense.
• Your abs are starting to tense.
• You begin to feel irritated and possibly sweaty.

When these signs begin to surface, slow down and take it easy for yourself, for your children and your spouse.

Anger Management Ideas for Parents

It is important to follow some life hacks on how to deal with feelings of anger at your children. You can use these simple yet effective ideas to keep your anger in check:

1. Take a few deep breaths

One of the most effective ways to control any form of anger is to take deep breaths.As you breathe in and out, it helps you think before you act. Since the response to anger is mostly impulsive, deep breathing helps to curb your impulses and control your anger. Breathing also helps you take time to think about how to channel your anger effectively so that your children learn the lesson they need to learn. It will also have a positive impact on your children as they learn from you to breathe and think before they impulsively react to a difficult situation they will face in the future.

Photo from the site https://www.wikihow.com

Photo from the site https://www.wikihow.com

2. Seek advice from a specialist

It’s not a bad idea to seek help from a specialist when you are having problems in life. Asking for help is the first sign of letting go of your anger, and it starts with admitting you have a problem. Good therapy can help you in many ways. Problems get easier when someone hears them.A good psychologist can help you with this by listening to your concerns and proposing changes from an objective point of view.

3. Don’t hit or use violence

This type of punishment has an extremely negative effect on children, affecting their confidence and personality. Moreover, it depletes the relationship capital that parents have with their children.

4. Imagine what your relationship with your child will look like in the future

When you are angry with your children, it is very important to take a moment to paint a mental picture of what your relationship with your children will look like 20 years from now.It is very important to consider whether such aggression will help strengthen or weaken your relationship with your children as they grow up. Looking at things from this perspective helps you effectively control your anger and deal with the situation wisely.

Photo from the site https://hlps.ru

Photo from the site https://hlps.ru

5. Choose the right place and the right time

Shouting, punishing and yelling at children in public places negatively affects them confidence and self-esteem.

Photo from https://hu.toluna.com

Photo from https://hu.toluna.com

6. Determine what makes you angry

Analyzing the root cause of what blows you up will help you should define such situations in advance. When you know ahead of time what might make you angry, you can prepare to create countermeasures. Moreover, it will help you identify your weaknesses.

7. Memorize a few slogans and say them in your mind like a mantra

When you feel that you are angry, remember a few slogans such as “stop”, “calm down”, “control yourself”, etc.This can help you with a sudden outburst of anger. The mind can override your impulsive responses to anger if you create habits to calm yourself down.

8. Meditate

Meditation works wonders not only in controlling your anger, but also in helping with self-realization and self-improvement in the long term.

Photo from https://jlyifa.com

Photo from https://jlyifa.com

9. Hug your child

A hug can work wonders when a thousand words have no effect.A hug is the most powerful form of non-verbal communication. When you hug your child when he annoys you, it can help them think about their mistakes and try to correct them. All lessons can be learned without any evil words. It also strengthens your bond with your child.

Photo from https://exactrecon.com

Photo from https://exactrecon.com

Your children’s minds are like soft sponges that absorb everything in their environment damage in terms of their personality, level of trust and personal growth in general.While it is sometimes necessary to express your anger, in many cases it is more effective not to do so and control it instead.

6 unusual theories from psychology

Contents of article

The psychology of personality has not yet been fully studied, various studies and experiments are constantly being carried out. We invite you to explore new and interesting psychological theories that you can apply in your life.

Stop button or freeze mood

It is believed that holding back any emotions is harmful to the psyche.Over time, a little irritation can turn into a storm of negativity, which will become the basis for a mental disorder. But there was an experiment called “freezing emotions.” The essence of the experiment was as follows: the subjects were asked to take a magic pill, which supposedly froze all emotions. They were specially brought to the boiling point and then given a placebo. Most people felt much better and the negativity seemed to disappear on its own. It can be concluded that a person does not have to take out his anger on others or break dishes, it is enough to realize the cause of the irritation and agree with himself.

Affirmations. I am the smartest and most beautiful!

You’ve probably heard about the fact that our attitudes affect our self-esteem, so we have more motivation and opportunities to achieve success. But there is also another side of the coin. Research by psychologists has shown that people with high self-esteem are more vulnerable in case of failure, it is quite difficult for them to return to the starting point and start over.

Cloud Winding

Wandering in the clouds is associated with laziness, not practicality, something bad.But scientists have proven that it is sometimes beneficial to disconnect from real life and dream. So you can better plan for the future, solve complex problems, if you sometimes allow yourself to let go of reality. It is often during these moments that insight comes.

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A small favor equals three large tasks

This is a simple subconscious trick that helps you manipulate a person so that he will be ready to do the most difficult task for you.How it works: You ask the person to complete one small request, then a medium challenge, and then a difficult task. Such a long process helps to make the last request less intimidating and smoothly lead the person to fulfillment.

Games – Best Simulators

When we are faced with difficult situations and are trying to find a way out of them, for example, crossing a road with heavy traffic. Then the “goal template” helps us in this. To develop this pattern, computer games are best suited.We are used to seeing only disadvantages in games, but in limited access games have a positive impact. For example, they develop the ability to identify and seek solutions in dangerous situations.

Fear of happiness

We all strive to be happy and put a lot of effort into it, but when the moment is almost reached, we openly begin to be afraid of it. We want to be financially secure, have a family and good friends, but when we get it, we feel uncomfortable. Often, those who achieve great results are criticized by society, few people believe that you can achieve success on your own without outside help.

Use basic theories from psychology to get rid of stereotypes, start living according to new principles and make everyday life bright and eventful. And if you want to find out even more useful information, then go to the platform “Russia – the country of opportunities”.

90,000 Let’s get acquainted with the most negative emotions. Anger and Aggression Management

What is anger?

Anger is one of the key emotions
person.She has great strength and performs important tasks. The main function of anger is to get out of problem situations, to change them, as well as to protect a person’s boundaries.

There are many types of anger, which differ in tone and strength: anger, irritation, rage, resentment, hatred, annoyance, dislike, anger, and others.

Anger is one of the most taboo emotions and therefore there are especially many difficulties with it in psychological work. Many people have a complete ban on expressing anger directly.They do not know how to express anger constructively and therefore use destructive methods, or accumulate negativity inside.

Anger and Aggression

People often confuse anger with aggression and this is a mistake. Anger is an emotion, and aggression is an activity aimed at changing the world around us in order to satisfy needs. Aggression is the impact on the environment. Aggression occurs to restore, strengthen and expand personal boundaries.

We cannot survive without aggression, as we constantly have to invade somewhere in order to continue to exist.However, aggression is also frowned upon by society. The society presses on it in us, because people without aggression are much more convenient to manage, you can “hang” anything on them, and they will endure.

Anger actually only appears where natural aggression is suppressed. In a society, this, unfortunately, is inevitable, so you need to understand how to manage aggression and anger.

Adaptation or protest?

There are two types of people who react differently to pressure.Some endure and adapt to the situation, others protest. These types are called adaptive and protest. Usually, even in childhood, you can understand to which type of reaction a person is more inclined. Depending on this, certain behavioral scenarios are formed that help him adapt to the situation.

When it comes to anger, adaptive people tend to suppress and accumulate anger, while protestors tend to become angry and demonstrate their strength with or without reason.

In fact, both reactions are not constructive. Suppression of anger affects the body by muscle clamps and blocks, negatively affects the psyche and results in unexpected emotional outbursts. And the protest reaction turns into the need to argue on any occasion, the inability to yield and the eternal search for enemies.

Anger and Anger

One of the common consequences of accumulated anger is anger.

What is the difference between anger and anger? Anger is a specific reaction to unpleasant circumstances or situations, and anger is a personality trait.It usually means that a person has held back anger for a long time, and now it constantly spills out. This is a kind of protest – and a way to play off the accumulated emotions.

The same goes for aggression and aggressiveness. Aggression is a specific act of behavior, aggressiveness is a character trait, innate or acquired.

Anger and aggression must be released. They cannot be suppressed or not experienced, they are natural. One can only pretend that they are not there – with unpleasant consequences for mental and physical health.

Other symptoms of suppressed anger include:

• Frequent anger at yourself. This is also a transfer method. We are always angry with someone, so being angry with ourselves means that we just redirected our feelings inward.
• Sensitivity. Resentment is anger in a repressed situation. When we are powerless to change circumstances, we can only be offended.
• Fatigue, apathy. Containing anger takes up a lot of energy.
• Psychosomatic illnesses – due to body blockages.

• Grumpiness. Grunting is not such a socially condemned manifestation as anger, and allows you to play off negativity little by little, but constantly.
• Boredom. Suppression of anger leads to suppression of emotions in general and deprives life of bright colors.
• Falling into emotional traps.

Destructive ways of expressing anger

Both adaptive and protest types sooner or later begin to express anger in destructive ways.Moreover, to control
it is almost impossible – emotions require an exit and thoughts go ahead. Then we can wake up and even condemn ourselves, but the deed has already been done. And then it becomes a habit.

What are the destructive ways of expressing anger?

1. Pouring out on others (transfer) , when the emotion does not get to the one who caused it.
2. Rudeness – can also be carried over to those who have nothing to do with it.
3. Internet trolling is a relatively safe way to assert yourself and express negative emotions.
4. Seizing sweets – I think it’s understandable why this is destructive. We clog up the body, put on extra pounds, transform food from a healthy need into a way to improve your mood.
5. Swearing. Chance of hitting your opponent is very high. You will let off steam and calm down, and the interlocutor will get angry or offended.
6. Beat someone. I hope you can not comment J
7. To break dishes, break things. Some experts believe that this is constructive, but I am of the opinion that it is better to hit a special pillow. The broken things will have to be removed later, they are a pity, in addition, they remind of a moment of anger and it is painful.
8. Slamming doors is a very demonstrative, even offensive gesture. And if you do not calculate the strength, then again you will have to fix something.
9. To beat with words – women are especially good at, and often it hurts more than real strikes.
10. Sex. There are couples who get used to having sex after a scandal, as if heating up passions with screams. This is not a very healthy approach that can destroy healthy sexuality – it can end up in the fact that you cannot have sex without having a fight first.
11. Shopping. Going shopping in a bad mood, we run the risk of buying something not very successful. Or, subsequently, to constantly feel a charge of negativity on things.
12. Revenge. She starts a circle of anger and is therefore especially destructive. I want to say a little about her.

How to properly react to negativity, if not to take revenge?

If negative comes to you, you can’t just swallow it. This is very painful for self-esteem, in addition, unlived emotions remain in the body. The negative must always be returned, otherwise there will be an imbalance. But it is important to always return a little less and as much as possible with a cool head.

Revenge is usually carried out in the heat of the moment, and in this case, the person gives in response more than they did to him. The offender also wants to take revenge, and this can continue indefinitely.

If the negative response is less than the one received, this most often stops the person, but does not create the need for revenge, since the initiator of the conflict
understands what he received.

But with the positive, by the way, I recommend doing exactly the opposite – it is better to return more than you were given.Then you will always receive an answer to the “extra” good that you have done, and the positive cycle will expand.

What to do with anger and aggression?

If destructive ways of expressing anger are only problems, then what about anger? The answer is to use constructive ways of expression.

There are many ways to express anger constructively. The simplest is sport, preferably as active as possible.This is one of the safest and most effective methods. Jogging, exercising in the gym, and especially practicing martial arts can help you realize your desire to beat someone up in a socially acceptable and even acceptable way.

You can read about other methods here
and here.

Vadim Kurkin

90,000 Anger Management Tips for Teens – Child Development

Adolescence is one of the most difficult periods in a person’s life.The body in adolescence changes a lot, you experience feelings that you cannot explain. One of these feelings is anger, and it can get you out of control.

According to psychologists, when anger gets out of control in adolescents, it can lead to destructive behavior. This, in turn, leads to problems at school, in relationships with others and, in general, negatively affects the life of adolescents. Those who cannot cope with feelings of anger are prone to manifestations of verbal and physical aggression.

Fortunately, you can learn to control your feelings of anger. There are certain techniques that teenagers can use to learn to recognize and control feelings of anger. To learn how to manage anger, it is important for a teenager to acknowledge their feelings and not blame others or circumstances for them.

Let’s look at a few tips to help you deal with feelings of anger.

Learn to express anger correctly

The key to all emotions is knowing how to express them.It will take you some time to understand your emotions because emotions are constantly changing and painful. When you express your emotions (laughing when you are happy, or crying when sad), you become happier. Feelings of anger are a little more complicated, but there are ways to express it without losing control.

The worst thing you can do in moments of anger is to break things or throw them around the room. In the end, they may still be useful to you or whoever owns them.

Some people choose to beat the pillow or throw it against the wall to vent their anger. This method is pretty safe – it won’t harm the pillow, the wall, or you.

Use techniques to help manage anger

Sometimes it happens that there is no way to express your emotions. However, the need to vent your anger remains. The best way to do this is to learn self-control techniques. This may take a while, but these techniques do work.

Start with deep breathing. Anger triggers an adrenaline rush into the bloodstream, and deep breathing can help you relax and reduce your concentration. If you find it difficult to breathe deeply, just slowly count to ten.

Self-control is necessary not only in adolescence. You will need it throughout your life. Self-control is needed, even if you are not aware of it. By keeping yourself in control, you won’t offend your mom by criticizing the dinner she’s made or a friend who’s caught up in a new direction in music.The difficulty is that when your hormones change and new emotions appear, it becomes more difficult for you to control yourself. And to learn it again, you have to make an effort.

Learn to understand your feelings

When you are trying to control your emotions, you need to learn more about the feeling of anger, learn to recognize it. Learn to catch your anger before it gets so strong that it becomes impossible to control.

The first step in managing anger is knowing exactly how you are feeling at the moment. You may think that your feelings are wrong or unfair. But it’s important to accept your feelings and try to understand what triggered them. When you know what triggered your anger, you can deal with it.

Before attempting to intervene in a situation that triggered your anger, think of other ways to deal with it. You can hit your abuser, but that doesn’t mean it’s worth doing.Think over the different options for your actions and their possible consequences before reacting to the situation. This will give you a complete picture of which option is best for you. This technique is commonly known as “risk management,” and it is essential that adolescents master it. This will help them avoid many unpleasant consequences.

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90,000 Attacks of aggression: How to deal with anger and rage when something makes you angry

We are annoyed by a lot.Endless traffic jams, rising housing prices, crazy street style heroes, rude waiters, lazy subordinates and disrupted dates. And, in theory, we have every right to get upset and angry when something goes wrong or someone lets us down.

But where are the limits of irritation? I know the crazy fits of anger that make it hard to breathe, my head starts to ache, it gets hot, my heart pounds. For me, such flashes ended with my fist imprinting on the nearest target – a wall, a table, someone’s face, a side mirror of a car (sorry, neighbors).When it ended with a broken arm, it became clear that this aggression harmed me first of all and I needed to do something about it.

While the inner Hulk was held back by a completely external cast, I began to reflect on my behavior and read all the books and articles about outbursts and controlling emotions. Basic tips to count to 10 and breathe slowly when you get angry were annoying, but sometimes worked. Simple counting worked worse. But by concentrating on breathing, it was possible to distract from anger. But my favorite method is to run at least 100 meters (very fast), or do push-ups 15 times (I don’t advise you with a broken arm), or sit down 30 times.All the anger goes into physical exercises – a kind of outlet for emotions, but at the same time with benefit for you and without harm to others (many during outbursts of anger break out on loved ones – shout, scold, beat).

It is more correct, of course, to deal with aggression not here and now, but in the long run. Here are some tips to help you manage your temper tantrums.

Identify the symptoms

It will be much easier to calm down if you try to neutralize yourself not at the peak of anger, but when you just feel the first signs of an attack of aggression.Try to document how your body starts to behave when you are angry. Heartbeat increase? Are your hands shaking? Is it getting hard to breathe? Are you getting confused? As soon as you notice one of the symptoms of anger, start counting to 10, breathing, running, squatting, watching a cartoon, or calling your mom. Do anything to calm yourself down.

See a psychotherapist

Sometimes anger can be just an outburst of aggression. Or they may be symptoms of more serious medical conditions such as bipolar disorder, psychosis, major depression, or even psychopathy (personality disorder).It will not work to find out immediately at the first session whether you suffer from one of these ailments. This is not the flu, which can be recognized by looking down the throat and measuring the temperature, and not even venereal, which will be given by the analysis. You will have to dig in your head for a couple of months so that the doctor understands exactly which rollers are behind which balls and how to remove them. You may have to take pills or get by with therapy. In any case, I strongly advise you to give up alcohol – alcohol activates not the best impulses and urges in us.In addition, we often try to wash down our problems and forget, although in reality alcohol is a powerful depressant that only aggravates the situation.

Understand what makes you angry

And get rid of irritants

The therapist can help you figure out what really triggers the anger attacks. This could be due to your childhood, your current relationship with your parent or girlfriend, sexual dissatisfaction, unloved work, or complexes about your appearance. If you decide not to go to the doctor just yet, try to do a thorough self-examination and decide what makes you unhappy.You will have to muster the determination to get rid of the things that annoy you. If you are in an abusive relationship, drop it (until it comes to everyday life). I don’t like work, but you are sitting in the office because you don’t know where else to put yourself? Quit, and you will immediately be motivated to find fresh vacancies. Are you just tired of everyone and dream of peace and quiet? Find the most affordable desert island tour for you and leave without giving a damn. There is still little benefit from you if you constantly boil and whistle like a Soviet kettle.

Go in for sports

Sports is the best tool to fight temper tantrums. If you already go to the gym, do it three times more often. For example, in the morning, to start work, having already splashed out emotions. Or try changing the sport – martial arts helped me a lot. If you are more attracted to football, hockey, ballroom dancing, yoga or curling – no question, just to distract, give a new meaning to life and help express yourself. It is important to knock yourself out of the usual rhythm, break the dull circle of routines that strongly deduce, and do something that will truly inspire and delight.A flash of anger is a litmus test that your body – from the psyche to the heart rate – is not satisfied with something. You have to figure out what triggers the reaction and makes the environment in which you live toxic.

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How to control your anger • Growth Phase

Anger is not something to be ashamed of. It is as natural as fear, laughter, falling in love or sadness are natural. Anger is a part of ourselves, but this part sometimes leads to big problems.

The Nature of Anger

When we feel danger, irritation or encounter another obstacle, our brain activates the production of adrenaline in the body. It is this hormone that makes us violent and desirous of cruel revenge.

We have it for the simplest reason – because of the need for self-defense. Anger, whose psychology is surprising, can turn the most calm and peaceful into a killer machine.

That is why it is worth giving your attention to learning how to control yourself and your thoughts.

What are we capable of?

The moment we get angry, we can do those things that we will regret all our lives.

Someone can express everything he thinks and was afraid to say before.And someone, on the contrary, will say what he never intended to say in his life. The consequences of anger are individual.

Letting the rage penetrate even deeper, we begin to lose control. Have you heard the term adrenaline junkie?

These people cannot live without an adrenaline rush, they deny anger management. Usually adrenaline junkies are fond of extreme sports, but they can find themselves in anger.

The next term is probably also known to you – a state of passion.In it, a person is so given to aggression that he cannot figure out how to manage anger.

This is serious enough, because the state of passion is considered in court proceedings. Self-control in such cases is simply impossible.

This all sounds pretty creepy, but if you stop in time, you will never get to experience something like this yourself.

This is what the article you are reading now was written for – to control your anger. How to control your anger? Let’s find out!

Stages of Anger

Concentration and willpower are enough to control your condition.But if you allow yourself to go too far, the fire of rage will cloud your consciousness, condemning you to unpredictable consequences.

To understand what exactly to do in your case, we advise you to divide your anger, the psychology of which is becoming more understandable, into certain stages. Their edges are very blurred, but you will feel them, do not hesitate.

1. First stage

Mild anger, resentment, or irritation. This emotion can be caused both by a fly buzzing over your ear, or by a girl accidentally hitting you on the street.Resisting the first stage of anger is quite simple, any person without preparation, even a child, can do it.

2. Second stage

If that buzzing fly bites you, and the girl on the street, besides pushing, spills coffee on you, you plunge into a deeper abyss of anger. You want to swat that damn fly and pour something hot on the offender in return. A desire for retribution and justice awakens in you.

You can cope with this in the same ways as with the first stage, but the process itself will not proceed so easily.

3. Third stage

You got wild itching and redness because of a fly bite, and the coffee went straight to your brand new iPhone! Welcome to the third stage, in which you will violently curse and curse this unjust world.

You will not want justice, but the most cruel revenge. Anger management is becoming more and more relevant!

It is very difficult to cope with this stage alone, because the irritant becomes difficult to justify because of the damage caused.

But even among the advisers there are many who will say “well, his anger is justified, he can be understood,” which will not help you in any way.

You can familiarize yourself with how to control your anger at this stage in the next chapter, and we move on to the last, fourth stage.

4. Fourth stage

It turned out that the fly infected you with a particularly serious illness, and now it is insolently buzzing in front of your nose, as if laughing. And the fool who poured coffee on your iPhone turned out to be your husband’s mistress, who now looks at you both with fear.

Do you already anticipate this explosion?

The fourth stage of anger is impossible without a special escalation of the situation by the stimulus. Moreover, it must be something that will simply knock the ground out from under your feet. Something unexpected and terrifying.

It can also be a long repetition of the same irritating action – such an effect on the psyche can easily cause an explosive stream of rage and indignation.

It is to the fourth stage of anger that the state of passion can be attributed, because anger at everything in the world simply drives you crazy.Help from the outside is not something that is desirable, it is irreplaceable.

How to deal with this? Part 1

Let’s start with the most harmless outbursts of anger. Their causes are usually minor, so if your goal is to learn how to control your emotions, this is a great start. Since the first and second stages are very close, we will consider the same methods of struggle for them.

1) Analyzing your emotions

Anger, the psychology of which is already practically understandable for you, is a cover for other emotions.These can be envy, jealousy, disappointment.

Understanding the true causes of your feelings is a key factor in combating them. Analyze yourself and how you feel about the abuser. This is how you will find the answer.

2) Think through the results

Before the rage takes possession of your mind, think about what the further escalation of the conflict will lead to. It is unlikely that your anger will improve relations with the abuser or nullify his guilt. For such purposes, it is better to use dialogue, but not swearing.

3) Look at everything from the other side

Remembering the girl who spilled coffee on you, it is worth thinking about the reason for this incident. Was it an accident?

Most likely yes. But then what’s the point of being angry with her? You yourself could be in her place. Such thoughts can lead to oneself.

4) Look for the pros

Trouble can play into our hands. Especially in terms of motivation. Was bitten by a fly? Thank you for reminding me that it’s time to buy a mosquito net for the window.

Have you doused your favorite T-shirt? Shopping time! Anger management no longer seems unrealistic.

Even if the upsides are pretty dubious (I was going to wear this shirt for at least another month!), Positive thinking will allow you to calm your anger.

Sometimes it is worth convincing yourself of innocent stupidity than stirring up a serious quarrel.

5) Talk to the abuser

Imagine that all this did not happen to you, and try to come out with the offender in a neutral dialogue.Understand his motives, the reason for the act that made you angry. If none of you are focused on conflict, such a conversation will lead to a real truce.

How to deal with this? Part 2

The third stage of anger. It is already dangerous for both you and the abuser. Aggression can interfere with common sense, so a special approach is needed. Already at this stage, it is important to know how to control your anger.

1) Step back

The offender now only makes you want to throw something weighty straight in his direction.That is why it is better to retire and distance yourself as much as possible from his company. The irritant should leave you while you cool off.

Anger, psychology, threat – nothing should bother him, he just has to leave.
When the rage has passed and only righteous anger remains, you can leave your ascetic hiding place and start a conversation.

Watch your rage level. If it goes off scale, you will fail.

2) Breathe

You have retired, but want to scream and bang your fists against the wall? You urgently need to calm down, the deep breathing technique can be great help in this.

Oxygen will accelerate the processes in your body and quickly remove adrenaline. In addition, breathing techniques are used in meditations, and this is exactly what you need now.

Sit down and take in full lungs of air. Release this air slowly and breathe in again quickly, confidently and oxygenatingly. If this helps you, imagine letting out all the negativity and anger with each exhalation.

After repeating this several times, you will feel clear relief.You can try this technique not only in solitude. But in this case, be prepared for your abuser’s surprised look in response to your confident panting.

3) Pour the anger elsewhere

Rage can flare up so much that it seems impossible to calm down and recover. I would like to pour out everything that has accumulated, but where? The best choice would be a punching bag and a staged punch.

Having protected your hands from injury, allow yourself to confidently take out all your anger on this pear.If you are not a fan of martial arts, regular exercise will help. Ideally, you should go to the gym, but if you didn’t work out with it either, fall to the floor and start doing push-ups, pumping abs.

This is not only useful but effective. Stress hormones will burn with fat. Sounds tempting, doesn’t it? Anger management can be like that.

4) Count to 10

One of the most common tactics for dealing with anger is counting to 10, to 50, to 100. Sounds crazy, but it works! In addition to anger, this technique helps to focus and endure pain.What is her secret?

When you count, your brain switches from a critical situation to processing numbers. This happens especially effectively when counting backwards – 100, 99, 98, 97 … Stress hormones and adrenaline are no longer produced. The body goes into a different mode.

The account can be used both in privacy and in direct contact with the abuser. It all depends on your focus and self-control.

How to deal with this? Part 3

A state of uncontrollable rage or a state of passion is dangerous for you and everything around you.You cannot realize how to manage anger, therefore it is better to have a friend or loved one next to you who will save you from recklessness.

But in most cases we are faced with troubles one on one, we have to think for ourselves how to cope with ourselves and with the problem. In such circumstances, you need to rely only on yourself.

1) Run

We have already advised you to retire, but at this stage of anger, escape from the offender is simply necessary. In a state of passion, you will not be able to do this, but feeling the storm growing inside you, take everything and run as far as possible.

An ideal location would be a large empty space such as a field or steppe. In a city, it can be an empty courtyard or a deserted night square. Don’t run into a room with objects if you don’t know how to manage your anger. You can start smashing furniture and dishes, which you will later regret.

2) Shout out

There are many people in the world who are addicted to screaming. They climb onto the roof, go out onto the balcony, go into nature and … shout! The whole point of their actions is that by screaming we release anger.And you know, that makes sense.

Try to run away and just yell. If you don’t want to embarrass others, shout into your pillow. Your goal is to feel the full power of your scream, your anger, on your vocal cords. This will reduce the heat and bring you to your senses, at least for a short period of time.

Total

Anger is one of those emotions that can never be eradicated. You need to adapt to it and learn to address it.

Using the analysis of your emotions and a variety of calming techniques, you can forever get rid of the fear of breaking loose and doing something unacceptable.

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